^^^^^Amen, baby! I mean, comparatively speaking, I think I'm really normal. And boring. However, I admit I'm processing some stuff. So, if you feel a little nutty, at least be something worthy. I certainly don't consider myself something mundane like a peanut M&M. Or one of those chocolate covered almonds. Boo! Absolutely not! I am a bona fide Almond Joy.
So, sssshhhhhh. I have a few confessions to make. I write my deepest, thoughts and feelings on a blog (yeah, not this one). I'm actually very popular on said blog. Do you see me? I'm waving my arms up and down because I am a dork, so to be perceived as popular anywhere is really something. People actually quote me on this blog and some days I get over 3000 views. And do you know what I think? Holy caca! These peeps must be in deep do-do to quote me and look to me for guidance. But then I remember that I'm good at giving advice to others. To myself? Oh I'm good at the "make sure you brush and floss 3 times a day, never let them see you sweat (thanks Sexy Intrigue deodorant), wear clean underwear" kind of advice to myself. I have these people message me crazy questions and say they have been waiting for me to chime in on their situation. Whaaaaaat? Really? And I can be so brutal with some of these folks. I took that sour patch kid sugar right off to myself as well. Maybe I need my own advice column or talk show?
I have insomnia. It's much better than those crazy night terrors which I have not had as of late. Those things freak EVERYBODY out when they happen. No, insomnia is more of an exclusive club. Welcome to Insomnia where the wakers wake. You have people text you at 3 am with things like, "I know you are up so who when was George Clooney on the "Facts of Life?" or "can you send me the link to the "what flavor ice cream are you?" quiz. Yes, I am still serving a purpose to someone. As I was standing in my kitchen this morning at 2:15 am eating Nestle Quik out of the container (you read that right. Just the powder. No milk. With a spoon-Hello! I do have table manners.) while wearing my "Property of the University of Georgia Athletic Department" hoodie (you must always represent-even while hovered over the box of Quik) and sweatpants where the a$$ hangs down to the knees, and listening to One Direction (no shame), I thought, "Wtf am I doing? Why am I not asleep like the cat? Why is the dog on my pillow?" And then I realize that I can sleep when I'm dead. I'll just keep thinking, writing, and one of those epiphanies will hit when I least expect it....probably when I am eating frosting straight out of the container. Fight the inner fat girl!!!!
One last confession.....well a few. I dye my hair. Ok, so that one isn't a shock. I cut my nails with scissors. Many days, I think it would be awesome to be a guy. I'm not afraid to make an a$$ of myself-I do it at least once a day. In general, I'm really granola. I hate anything pretentious. I have on a belt right now that is literally cutting off my blood circulation and I am about 3 seconds from having to breath in a paper bag as a result of said belt. I ate ice cream for lunch. I love compliments but I never know how to respond, so I generally tell people to "STOP saying that!" I love to watch my kids sleep, which is great because I'm always up. I love to sing Def Leopard in the shower. I totally missed my calling as a Broadway performer. I hate washing my hair-if I ever become wealthy, I will pay someone else to do that. Don't get nervous, I wash it. I just said I don't enjoy it. I secretly love a good karma sighting. Sometimes, I drink the milk straight from the container. Does that disgust you? No worries. I won't invite you over to share.
Spirit fingers to my peeps!
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