I always hear peeps talk about "shows" they must watch. It is well documented that I don't watch much tv because what little I see is not impressive. I realize that makes me sound like a snobby wench but I guess 90% of the time I prefer to read. Pass me the pocket protector. I am a nerd. Let's break down a few shows I do watch from time to time.
"House Hunters"- I only watch this show because I like to try to guess which house they will pick. Who are these folks? Does anyone else notice that these couples always have interesting occupations that don't match up with income? You know. John is a part time mime and aspiring professional ukulele player and Kate works in a snow cone shop 3 days a week. Kate is starting a new potentially very lucrative business where she will sell knitted sweaters for orphaned pigeons. They always have a budget of $950k and they achieved this by saving their birthday money and living with their parents for a month. Why haven't I been getting birthday presents like this?? I know how to make snow cones. The kitchen MUST have granite countertops or apparently the couple will immediately die of a heart attack upon seeing no granite countertops that some houses have. The real estate agent showing them the houses is trained in CPR to resuscitate them from unsightly living conditions such as (GASP) carpet!!!! A single sink in the bathroom!!! The horror!!! No crown molding???? Why don't you just ask John and Kate to digest shards of shredded glass and eat non organic bananas??? And they MUST have a huge area for entertaining because mimes are known for their wild parties and Kate needs space to prepare the snow cones. And a large yard for the tulip growing business they are about to launch, once Kate can cut down her hours at the snow cone shop.
"My 600 Pound Live" I LOVE this show. On a serious note, I do feel for these individuals as I believe they are fighting addiction and a mental illness. On a humorous note, many of these people are extremely innovative. One had a trolley built to deliver donuts to their room. I just gained 3 pounds tying the word "donut." Eating one? I have to purchase larger jeans. Many have attached deep fryers to their bed. And sometimes they eat things I haven't thought of. Deep frying a Dorito, cheese and French fry sandwich? Dip that in Zaxby's sauce and BAM!!! And they drop pounds a week by walking to the mailbox!!! And so many of these women get divorced and find love at 700 pounds.
"Dateline"/"Deadly Women"/"48 Hours Hard Evidence"- Essentially the ID network. Folks, here is a common sentiment amongst these shows. It probably looks bad to purchase a life insurance policy on someone 3 days before your honeymoon. And went you went "diving" and only one of you came back-the one that took out the policy...well. Nope. Even my 7 year old says "they always poison them or want the life insurance policy, Mommy." If the 1st grader can figure it out, then you probably look suspicious. Then you have the folks with IQs hovering around freezing who "hire" someone to take out their spouse/ex/etc. And payment ranges anywhere from a slice of Papa John's to a $100 giftcard to Cracker Barrel. The peeps that hire these stealthy individuals are always shocked when the hired killers talk to the authorities. Stop. You could have at least tossed in some Samoas.
"Hoarders"- I have no idea if this show is on but I used to watch. I don't know if this is product placement but I always found it interesting that all of these people had a large bottle of Febreeze stacked on top of the plastic bags of poop and urine they had been saving for the last 18 months because they turned their water off. Yes, I know this is a mental illness but saving fecal matter is hard core. Meanwhile, a family of rats scurried across the kitchen counter as the person could not let go of that case of cream cheese they bought in 1996.
Football-It really is the best time of year. Sadly, it doesn't last long enough so the NFL draft covers some gaps. What more do I say on this?
I'm sure many of you heard that a portion of I-85 collapsed here in the ATL. I heard on the radio they were recommending that you give yourself 6-8 times the amount of time to get somewhere. Essentially, if you have a meeting at 9am on Tuesday, you should be set if you leave by noon on Saturday.
Love, hugs and kisses.
