I'm Baaaaaaack!

If you have been holding your breath for the last 24 days awaiting my next post, I apologize. Please know that if you did hold your breath, blue is a color that looks good on everyone and if you used your core your abs are probably pretty tight right now. No crunches for you!

To quote my boy Charlie Brown, "Good grief!!!" I just checked an email account that I rarely check and discovered a barrage of emails that I can't quite figure out how they apply to me. I learned that some generous Nigerian fellow wants to deposit some money in my bank account provided I give him the number (Cash is better and definitely don't give me an Euros). I can also meet some single peeps just like me (I'm not single and I haven't met a soul just like me) and there was the opportunity to hang out with fellow Russian Brides. Really? Call me Svetlanta! Sadly, I did drink some Popov in college and it was probably mixed with something vile like mountain rush koolaid, but that hardly qualifies me as being a Russian bride. I do like Siberian Huskies and at one time I was a fan of ice skating. Does that count for something? I also had emails from psychics promising to help me work with the current star alignment and  a deluge of emails for discounted liposuction, veneers, and shellac nails. Yeah, none of those things are really me but I will take a tummy tuck for $2k, Alex.

OMG! So, I polled some fellow Gen Xers to find out when they felt like a grown up. I fully admit that I am still shocked when I hear someone references me and says that I have 3 kids. What???? It took about 5 years for me not to hyperventilate when people made that comment. But when are you a grown up? When you turn 18? 21?  Graduate from high school? College? Learn to ride a bike? Out of 13 respondents, only one admitted to feeling like a grown up. I should also add he is one of my former office husbands. At one point I was a polygamist and had 4 office husbands. All of our divorces ended amicably and we eventually shared custody of the paper clips and stapler.  The great thing about office husbands is that there is no need for a ring or any documentation. You just share an office and voila! I was impressed with his very grown up response about what made him realize he was an adult. I should also point out if you are in the ATL, he is a State Farm agent. And like a good neighbor, my SF agent (or former office husband) is there. I have learned some interesting factoids since he became an agent including that if an owl takes a dump in your house, it is a complete pain in the a$$ to clean up. Don't they have cleaners for everything now? I guess some Oxi Clean combined with a sham-wow cloth just won't hack owl poo. So, remember the next time Charlie the Owl from the "New Zoo Revue" comes knocking not to let him in unless he promises to use the potty.

I also wondered if people ever slipped and said bad words in front of their kids. Sadly, I have made that uboo. Of course, I need to watch what I say in general as my daughter says, "Oh don't listen to Mommy. She is being starcastic." Is starcastic a combination of celebrity (haaaaaa!) and sarcasm? Of 13 respondents all but one admitted to saying something that wasn't G rated in front of the little people. I should point out that this person would be beeped in regular conversation frequently, but I love the fact that he shows restraint around the little people. Now, if I can just learn to understand the words of most songs. I usually google the lyrics so that I can download the "clean" version to avoid any unnecessary awkward moments. I've been able to rest easy with those Selena Gomez and One Direction lyrics but others..not so much.

Finally,  I try to stay away from anything political or religious in this blog because, well, those are hot buttons and I just prefer to write about mindless garbage. However, I am a big believer in organ donation. Check out http://donatelife.net/ to find out how you can make a difference. Yes, none of us like to think about dying, but why take your organs with you when you go? I have heard people say "they might need them" and I'm not going to comment on that.

Peace out!

Gen Z-on the fast track?

I was on such a roll posting 3 days in a row, but  like Tara Reid's career, I have been dormant. Get out the hater-aide, but this blog gets tons of views. Why? I don't know why, but I love it! For the record, the Kardashians have a clothing line on QVC. I'm watching right now and Khloe is showing a printed caftan. Aren't the Kardashian chicks usually scantily clad? I've never seen them wear anything this long and loose.

I visited my parents this weekend and the "Best Of" survey was in the newspaper. You know you live in an unusual town when Burger King is voted "Best Burger" and Coors Light is "Best Beer." Not a fan of either, but I did like BK when I was a kid because they gave you a crown to wear. A scepter would have been a nice touch. This "Best Of" survey is pretty specific down to "Best Nurse" and "Best Exterminator." So if you aren't voted "Best Exterminator" does that mean you should bug off? Ha!!!!

Have I told you that I love conducting surveys? Survey says! It's just like Family Feud minus the prizes and jumping up and down.

As I shared earlier, I am (gasp!!!!) going to be a great aunt. I've noticed that being a teen mom is quite the common occurrence now. I've never been called conventional, so perhaps I am just having a difficult time understanding how socially accepted this is. A friend of mine is a high school teacher in a rural area and said that she had a student who was expecting her 3rd child at age 17. However, the mother was very upset that her daughter had required reading that contained profanity. Seriously? Her 17 year old daughter is about to have her 3rd kid and she's worried that her daughter may be subjected to a little explicit language? WTF! Yes, I'm sure those expletives are of greater concern than raising a flock of kids while trying to get out of the 11th grade.

According to a recent report on teen sexuality, the average age for teenagers to have sex is 17, but 30% are active by age 14. 14???And according to that same study, most don't use protection. If no protection is used, girls have a 90% chance of getting pregnant in a year. Really??? The Z generation may be posting and tweeting about their every move, but apparently no one is reading about contraception. Yowza!

Has it always been this way? Did I have my head in the sand (actually it was more like an antiquated encyclopedia) at age 14? I must know more. So I decided to keep it  light and poll the Generation X as to some of their teen behaviors. However, I kept it much more mundane. I surveyed my stable responders ( I love my respondents and I super love my respondents with A game humor) and the average Generation X-er had his/her first smooch at 16. Remember, I am super nerdy so I removed myself from the average of the survey so I wouldn't skew the number.  I can be very thoughtful like that. Some people were kind enough to share the name of the individual (nice but not necessary) and someone even said there was a song by Boston playing in the background. Remember, there are 3 guarantees in life. Death, taxes, and you can always find a Boston song on the radio. This declaration just solidified that belief.

However, I located this calculator (I love calculators) and discovered that the current average age for a first kiss is 12.5 http://www.calculatorslive.com/Average-Age-Of-First-Kiss-Calculator.aspx  Really? So the pool of people that I surveyed averaged age 16 but now it's 12.5? What do we attribute this significant drop in age? MTV? Paris Hilton? Where has she been hiding lately? I digress.....

So surely the Gen X feels all grown up since the Gen Z is on the fast track, right? Stay tuned for additional results from said survey...