Another snippet of humor from my mother. Suddenly, I have become older than people who were older than me. Confusing right? If someone was 8 years older than me, I have suddenly become "much older than they are." Example, she asked me if I remembered Gardenia Flowergarden (not a real name). I said, "No" and she said that I went to school with her. Then she proceeded to tell me that she died last week and was 59. 59? I'm not even 40, so unless she was on the 27 year elementary school plan, we probably weren't in the same grade.
2nd factoid of the week...I was totally swayed by that infomercial for the Genie Bra. Allegedly this magic bra will work miracles. I bought this alleged life changer and let's just say I don't think I have experienced anything miraculous. Not exactly a ringing endorsement, eh? Perhaps I will feel differently about the forever lazy footed pajamas. They come in blue so I can channel my inner Smurf.
Wow! Those Big 12 teams have choked as expected and the top 3 teams in the BCS are in the SEC West. After beating Oklahoma State, I expect Iowa State to promptly lay an egg. So let's make some predictions..
LSU vs Woo Pig Sooey-I know everyone hopes the Hogs win as that would completely upset the prognosticators and BCS machine. Not gonna happen. Les is more and purple drank prevails 24-20
UGA vs GT-UGA is the SEC East Champ and I'm not sure how good they really are. Wins over Kentucky and Ole Miss aren't exactly impressive, but a title is a title and a "W" is a "W". GT is in the ACC so that speaks volumes. However, it's a rivalry game so I expect a nail biter. Most UGA games are nail biters as Aaron Murray makes me a bit nervous when he drops back and touches the ball. Love the Brandons (Boykin and Smith) The cuter mascot prevails. Russ 20- Buzz 14
Clemson vs SC-Clemson was completely destroyed by NC State last week and it wasn't in hoops. After that performance you would assume it's a gimme for the Gamecocks. However, it's not. Darth versus Dabeau. Mmmmm. Gotta go with the visor 28-17.
For the first time in years, those Thanksgiving pro games don't look like turkeys.
Detroit vs Green Bay- I really would love for the Lions to win, but they have a tendency to start slow. Tough to do that with the Pack attack. Not a fan of those Aaron Rodgers' commercials,but a check is a check. Packers 35-28
Miami vs Dallas-Miami is on a roll winning their last 3. Too bad they lost the 1st 7. Tony Romo is probably happy he escaped the curse of Jessica Simpson. If that relationship had lasted, her dad would have pitched a cell phone commercial called "Roaming with the Romos". But no mo Romo for Jess. Anyway, Dallas squeaked past the Redskins last week in OT and I expect a close one. Dallas 28- The Hotness that is Jason Taylor 21.
SF vs Baltimore-SF is haute while Baltimore has multiple personalities. I mean, they lost to the Jaguars. SF has to lose at some point and it is Harbaugh versus Harbaugh. I like the Harbaughs. This would be one game where it would totally be acceptable if they got snippy with each other post game. They are brothers and it's expected that you have the occasional altercation with your sibling. Gosh...Jim seems scrappier so I take him in the ultimate squeaker. 17-14
****Painful Game of the Week*****Carolina vs Colts-I love those post score celebrations Cam Newton does. The choreography if fantabulous. I think he will have the opportunity to do several this week so he needs to have a few moves in his back pocket. The Colts had a bye last week so they could prep for their next "L". Cam 31- Curtis 10 (actually I'm not sure they can score 10 but I was feeling generous)
Happy T-Day. Be thankful for the little things because stuff is just stuff. Laugh so hard you cry and be nice to someone just because. Life is short so enjoy it. Gobble gobble!
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
Ashton & Demi-Where did it go wrong?
My friend Brad (you know I adore you) asked if I was going to post about the demise of Ashton and Demi. I'm not a fan of either (purposely avoid movies of both except "A Few Good Men"), but I love good sleaze as much as the next person. I thought it was appropriate for a retrospective piece on how they went the distance in Hollywood terms (married for 6 yrs), but another couple bites the dust.
Oh Demi. Remember when she posed on the "Vanity Fair" pregnant and naked, with Scout in her belly? That marriage too, fell apart and everyone wondered who would Demi date next. I'm sure she was searching thru "A Few Good Men" in Hollywood wondering who was a good match. Lo and behold, she started dating a guy who was 16 years her junior, and according to some females, one who was the cat's meow. I'm sure there was full "Disclosure" on that age difference and this was "No Small Affair." In fact, in 2005 there was what would some said was an "Indecent Proposal." Some peeps thought they had been "Punk'd" because they wondered why this guy wanted an instant family. They are both good looking people and age IS just a number. However, some speculated this was just a fling during "One Crazy Summer?" Perhaps Demi and Ashton thought every day would be like "Valentine's Day" if they were "Just Married?" So this union began with more fodder for the paparazzi and tabloids.
They did charity work and allegedly shared dinners with Bruce and the kids. All was supposedly bliss until rumors (not the daughter) started circulating that infidelity was in da house! More and more women starting coming forward anxious to talk "About Last Night" while saying they weren't interested in publicity. Funny how people have a tendency to say things like "I just want to be left alone" to TMZ or while posing provocatively in a wet t-shirt in a magazine. This of course as long as said publication is making it rain!! Were these allegations of a"Striptease" accurate? Did Ashton really believe "What Happens in Vegas" stays in Vegas and that there were "No Strings Attached" to these people who love speaking to the tabloids? Was this a "Ghost" of a marriage? Soon, the relationship had a "Scarlett Letter" tattooed on it and the inevitable press release of "we have made the painful decision to blah blah blah blah..." I'm sure one gathered his/her "Personal Effects" and said "It's you, not me" and walked out the door. Key up "Cry Me a River". Do celebrities mourn the demise of relationships with a pint of Ben & Jerry's and the Carpenters playing in the background?
Yes, Ashton no longer has to say "dude, where's my wife?" I feel confident they will both move on to other people as it is "Open Season" for both. I'm sure they will both find something they feel is a "Lot Like Love" and someone will tell Diane Sawyer about it. Why Diane? Because Oprah x-nayed her show.
Best of luck Demi and Ashton!
Oh Demi. Remember when she posed on the "Vanity Fair" pregnant and naked, with Scout in her belly? That marriage too, fell apart and everyone wondered who would Demi date next. I'm sure she was searching thru "A Few Good Men" in Hollywood wondering who was a good match. Lo and behold, she started dating a guy who was 16 years her junior, and according to some females, one who was the cat's meow. I'm sure there was full "Disclosure" on that age difference and this was "No Small Affair." In fact, in 2005 there was what would some said was an "Indecent Proposal." Some peeps thought they had been "Punk'd" because they wondered why this guy wanted an instant family. They are both good looking people and age IS just a number. However, some speculated this was just a fling during "One Crazy Summer?" Perhaps Demi and Ashton thought every day would be like "Valentine's Day" if they were "Just Married?" So this union began with more fodder for the paparazzi and tabloids.
They did charity work and allegedly shared dinners with Bruce and the kids. All was supposedly bliss until rumors (not the daughter) started circulating that infidelity was in da house! More and more women starting coming forward anxious to talk "About Last Night" while saying they weren't interested in publicity. Funny how people have a tendency to say things like "I just want to be left alone" to TMZ or while posing provocatively in a wet t-shirt in a magazine. This of course as long as said publication is making it rain!! Were these allegations of a"Striptease" accurate? Did Ashton really believe "What Happens in Vegas" stays in Vegas and that there were "No Strings Attached" to these people who love speaking to the tabloids? Was this a "Ghost" of a marriage? Soon, the relationship had a "Scarlett Letter" tattooed on it and the inevitable press release of "we have made the painful decision to blah blah blah blah..." I'm sure one gathered his/her "Personal Effects" and said "It's you, not me" and walked out the door. Key up "Cry Me a River". Do celebrities mourn the demise of relationships with a pint of Ben & Jerry's and the Carpenters playing in the background?
Yes, Ashton no longer has to say "dude, where's my wife?" I feel confident they will both move on to other people as it is "Open Season" for both. I'm sure they will both find something they feel is a "Lot Like Love" and someone will tell Diane Sawyer about it. Why Diane? Because Oprah x-nayed her show.
Best of luck Demi and Ashton!
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Why some daughters have such complicated relationships with their mothers and the potential for 'putting your eye out.'
I just spent a weekend visiting my parents. I don't see them very often and should see them more. My kids really enjoy them, but I have a terribly complicated relationship with my mother. I have read about and know women who are extremely close to their mother. My mother and I don't have much in common. Let me be more specific. We are both short (I am 3 inches taller:)and related by blood but the similarities end there. She is a good person but we are just different. Really different.
Without boring anyone, I know why I am the way about certain things. So when I found out I was having a daughter 6 years ago, I was a bit nervous. Uh oh. A girl! Mmmmmmm. And she was an absolute and complete challenge for the first 5 years (does this give me a pass during the teenage years?). Every wrinkle or gray hair I have can directly be linked back to Fiona. And she is an absolute love! She is funny, smart, talented, beautiful, and yes I am biased. However, there were a few quirks my mother has that I hoped to avoid.
Little girls are keenly aware of their appearance very early in life. I was cutting edge in that department but now it is the social norm. My mom was really big on cracking out the scale when we had guests at our house. Instead of playing Scrabble, she would suggest we all weigh ourselves when family visited. Exactly my idea of a good time! As you recall, "The Price is Right" always has a scale in the showcase because it is so freaking fun to have a weigh in party. I always wanted to eat a sandwich while I weighed so I can max that number as much as possible. Not! So, imagine my delight when she came to visit for a baby shower when I was pregnant with my oldest son. Wait...have I admitted any of what I am about to say in earlier posts? Well, let me admit that when my oldest son was born I weighed 189 pounds. 189 pounds. I gained 56 pounds. I was ginormous. I was the spitting image of a weeble. I had 9 chins and even my toes were fat. I would have liked fatter eyelashes but that didn't happen.
Anyway, she visited when I was about 7 months pregnant. At that time, I was a positively svelte 176-178 (give or take the unfortunate shirt I was wearing) and she suggested we get out the scale to see how much I weighed. Was she trying to be funny? I was more than aware that if we stuck a fin on me I could have played Orca in a remake. Why did I need to stand on the scale to prove I was huge? Trust me, everyone was aware that I looked like a float in the Macy's Parade. Perhaps to get the party started I should have suggested we crack out the tape measure to measure how big my butt was or maybe pour a large pile of cement so I could have a cast to commemorate the ginormity (that's not a real word but I like it) that was me. I want my daughter to be healthy, but I try to steer clear of those discussions.
One other thing that challenges my sanity, is that she is always telling the kids not to do this or that because...."it will put your eye out." Swinging mardi gras beads by a 22 month old, walking with a pencil, eating with a fork...all activities that according to my mom "will put your eye out." Listen, I know emergency rooms are filled with victims of accidents. However, I have been in the ER numerous times with my oldest, but I don't recall an enormous group of patients with an eyeball in hand. How common is the "putting an eye out" occurrence? I'm sure it happens. It's probably not as prevalent as she likes for me to believe.
And thankfully, I got her to stop saying "Guess who died?". I never knew how to respond. It was just too awkward. At first I said, "Mom, I don't really want to guess" because what if I was wrong? Okay, so let's say I play along and say." Chrysanthemum?" Would she say, "No, she's still with us." Did I proceed to my next guess?
I thought we might have more in common once I had kids, but the gap is even wider. She doesn't think I am strict enough and doesn't like that I don't believe in spanking. To each his/her own, but if spanking really worked, wouldn't you only have to do it once? And she thinks that a man should be the leader, and I think gender is a non issue. She is very conservative and I'm not. I could go on and on, but just believe me when I say we couldn't be more different. That's okay because I see things the way they are and am not trying to change anyone. I hate this term, but "it is what it is."
Oh, I totally get on her nerves and I know it. We coexist. However, I am working to have a different relationship with my daughter. I have a scale (actually several) but I keep it tucked away.
Without boring anyone, I know why I am the way about certain things. So when I found out I was having a daughter 6 years ago, I was a bit nervous. Uh oh. A girl! Mmmmmmm. And she was an absolute and complete challenge for the first 5 years (does this give me a pass during the teenage years?). Every wrinkle or gray hair I have can directly be linked back to Fiona. And she is an absolute love! She is funny, smart, talented, beautiful, and yes I am biased. However, there were a few quirks my mother has that I hoped to avoid.
Little girls are keenly aware of their appearance very early in life. I was cutting edge in that department but now it is the social norm. My mom was really big on cracking out the scale when we had guests at our house. Instead of playing Scrabble, she would suggest we all weigh ourselves when family visited. Exactly my idea of a good time! As you recall, "The Price is Right" always has a scale in the showcase because it is so freaking fun to have a weigh in party. I always wanted to eat a sandwich while I weighed so I can max that number as much as possible. Not! So, imagine my delight when she came to visit for a baby shower when I was pregnant with my oldest son. Wait...have I admitted any of what I am about to say in earlier posts? Well, let me admit that when my oldest son was born I weighed 189 pounds. 189 pounds. I gained 56 pounds. I was ginormous. I was the spitting image of a weeble. I had 9 chins and even my toes were fat. I would have liked fatter eyelashes but that didn't happen.
Anyway, she visited when I was about 7 months pregnant. At that time, I was a positively svelte 176-178 (give or take the unfortunate shirt I was wearing) and she suggested we get out the scale to see how much I weighed. Was she trying to be funny? I was more than aware that if we stuck a fin on me I could have played Orca in a remake. Why did I need to stand on the scale to prove I was huge? Trust me, everyone was aware that I looked like a float in the Macy's Parade. Perhaps to get the party started I should have suggested we crack out the tape measure to measure how big my butt was or maybe pour a large pile of cement so I could have a cast to commemorate the ginormity (that's not a real word but I like it) that was me. I want my daughter to be healthy, but I try to steer clear of those discussions.
One other thing that challenges my sanity, is that she is always telling the kids not to do this or that because...."it will put your eye out." Swinging mardi gras beads by a 22 month old, walking with a pencil, eating with a fork...all activities that according to my mom "will put your eye out." Listen, I know emergency rooms are filled with victims of accidents. However, I have been in the ER numerous times with my oldest, but I don't recall an enormous group of patients with an eyeball in hand. How common is the "putting an eye out" occurrence? I'm sure it happens. It's probably not as prevalent as she likes for me to believe.
And thankfully, I got her to stop saying "Guess who died?". I never knew how to respond. It was just too awkward. At first I said, "Mom, I don't really want to guess" because what if I was wrong? Okay, so let's say I play along and say." Chrysanthemum?" Would she say, "No, she's still with us." Did I proceed to my next guess?
I thought we might have more in common once I had kids, but the gap is even wider. She doesn't think I am strict enough and doesn't like that I don't believe in spanking. To each his/her own, but if spanking really worked, wouldn't you only have to do it once? And she thinks that a man should be the leader, and I think gender is a non issue. She is very conservative and I'm not. I could go on and on, but just believe me when I say we couldn't be more different. That's okay because I see things the way they are and am not trying to change anyone. I hate this term, but "it is what it is."
Oh, I totally get on her nerves and I know it. We coexist. However, I am working to have a different relationship with my daughter. I have a scale (actually several) but I keep it tucked away.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Winner, Winner Turkey Dinner! Picks for the week..
I could start off with the whole Penn State fiasco (I am), but just a couple of things. There is a whacked out contingency of people who are trying to compare the alleged activities witnessed at Penn St to a player getting some free t-shirts or their parents getting to live in a house for free. What????? Not even in the same stratosphere. I'm not going to elaborate, but do the words "wrong" or "deplorable" resonate with them? On with happier topics....
VT at GT-Supposedly this game is on right now but I have no idea what is happening. My husband has it on some horrible "sitcom", and he has the audacity to think I'm not funny? Puhlease. I noticed my neighbors put up their GT flag this week. That is a sure sign they will lose. The Hokey Pokey will turn themselves around. That's what it's all about. VT- 28 GT-21
UGA vs Auburn-UGA showed New Mexico St who was top dog while Auburn has been hot and cold since Sir Cam left. This game is in Athens and generally the visitor wins, I think? This is what we call fact checking. I just scanned my stellar memory that can't recall anyone's name, but I know the words to every obscure song one could imagine and came up with the visitor factoid. UGA hasn't beaten anyone decent (sorry, it's true) and Auburn is suspect. I know I'm not supposed to say this but I think Auburn wins. 28-24. Ick!
Miami at FSU- Remember when this game would have garnered a countdown clock on ESPN? Well they both joined the ACC. Miami beat Duke (yawn) and FSU hasn't exactly been consistent. I expect defense will not be present during roll call. This one is tough. The spirit of Bobby Bowden in a squeaker 38-35.
Oregon at Stanford- Duck vs Luck. The quack attack strolls into Palo Alto while Andrew Luck wonders if he should accept Peyton Manning's FB friend request. The prognosticators are drooling over this one! Stanford is undefeated while Oregon suffered an early loss to LSU. Oregon will try to ruffle the Cardinal feathers, but I think the team with the most Luck wins. Stanford 45-42. Again, I expect defense to be on vacation.
****Pro Picks****
NE at NYJ-It's the battle of the GQ QBs. The Patriots are coming off their first loss at home since ER was on the air. (I know that's not accurate) Not a fan of Rex Ryan but he clearly has a good dentist. Mark Sanchez is always good for a pick 6 so I look for the Pats to rebound in a close game. The Brady Bunch 24-20.
NO at Atlanta-Atlanta is coming off a victory over one of the worst teams I have ever seen, while NO should hang their head in shame for losing to the Rams a couple of weeks ago. This will be close, but expect the Falcons to rise up ( I hate that commercial) at the Dome. Falcons- 28 Saints-27
Jacksonville at Indy-Yo Gabbert Gabbert ! ESPN, if you want to use that I'm cool with it. I accept AMEX, VISA, and MC. This game should be painful. The Colts may be the worst team I have ever seen, and I just adore Peyton Manning. Romeo Void may say, "Never Say Never", but I don't see how the Colts can beat anyone. Jags-14 Colts 7.
Washington at Miami-Skins take on Fins. Sounds like the hibachi special doesn't it? The Dolphins got that elusive first "W" last week while I assume John Beck makes frequent visits to the pain specialist. Can the Dolphins carry their one game win streak to victory deaux? Why not? I know Jason Taylor is old in NFL years but I think he will meet Mr. Beck. Fins 17 Skins-14
Finally, NYG at SF. Elmer& the boys are coming off a big win over NE, while SF is winning, apparently without tiger's blood. SF thinks "Nothing Is Gonna Stop Us Now" in their division. Giants will be a little flat, so I think the 49ers get another "W". 49ers-17 Giants-14.
VT at GT-Supposedly this game is on right now but I have no idea what is happening. My husband has it on some horrible "sitcom", and he has the audacity to think I'm not funny? Puhlease. I noticed my neighbors put up their GT flag this week. That is a sure sign they will lose. The Hokey Pokey will turn themselves around. That's what it's all about. VT- 28 GT-21
UGA vs Auburn-UGA showed New Mexico St who was top dog while Auburn has been hot and cold since Sir Cam left. This game is in Athens and generally the visitor wins, I think? This is what we call fact checking. I just scanned my stellar memory that can't recall anyone's name, but I know the words to every obscure song one could imagine and came up with the visitor factoid. UGA hasn't beaten anyone decent (sorry, it's true) and Auburn is suspect. I know I'm not supposed to say this but I think Auburn wins. 28-24. Ick!
Miami at FSU- Remember when this game would have garnered a countdown clock on ESPN? Well they both joined the ACC. Miami beat Duke (yawn) and FSU hasn't exactly been consistent. I expect defense will not be present during roll call. This one is tough. The spirit of Bobby Bowden in a squeaker 38-35.
Oregon at Stanford- Duck vs Luck. The quack attack strolls into Palo Alto while Andrew Luck wonders if he should accept Peyton Manning's FB friend request. The prognosticators are drooling over this one! Stanford is undefeated while Oregon suffered an early loss to LSU. Oregon will try to ruffle the Cardinal feathers, but I think the team with the most Luck wins. Stanford 45-42. Again, I expect defense to be on vacation.
****Pro Picks****
NE at NYJ-It's the battle of the GQ QBs. The Patriots are coming off their first loss at home since ER was on the air. (I know that's not accurate) Not a fan of Rex Ryan but he clearly has a good dentist. Mark Sanchez is always good for a pick 6 so I look for the Pats to rebound in a close game. The Brady Bunch 24-20.
NO at Atlanta-Atlanta is coming off a victory over one of the worst teams I have ever seen, while NO should hang their head in shame for losing to the Rams a couple of weeks ago. This will be close, but expect the Falcons to rise up ( I hate that commercial) at the Dome. Falcons- 28 Saints-27
Jacksonville at Indy-Yo Gabbert Gabbert ! ESPN, if you want to use that I'm cool with it. I accept AMEX, VISA, and MC. This game should be painful. The Colts may be the worst team I have ever seen, and I just adore Peyton Manning. Romeo Void may say, "Never Say Never", but I don't see how the Colts can beat anyone. Jags-14 Colts 7.
Washington at Miami-Skins take on Fins. Sounds like the hibachi special doesn't it? The Dolphins got that elusive first "W" last week while I assume John Beck makes frequent visits to the pain specialist. Can the Dolphins carry their one game win streak to victory deaux? Why not? I know Jason Taylor is old in NFL years but I think he will meet Mr. Beck. Fins 17 Skins-14
Finally, NYG at SF. Elmer& the boys are coming off a big win over NE, while SF is winning, apparently without tiger's blood. SF thinks "Nothing Is Gonna Stop Us Now" in their division. Giants will be a little flat, so I think the 49ers get another "W". 49ers-17 Giants-14.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Men -What do they notice?
This is going to be long, so if you tune out early, I don't mind. I admit it! I am totally and completely fascinated by how our culture views men and women. It is a topic I love to read about ( I am a voracious reader,but I can't vouch for the quality of what I read as of late) and discuss. And lately, I have read a myriad of articles lamenting that men and women are nothing alike. Women notice everything while men notice nothing. Mmmmm...really? More on that in a sec...
Anyway, I find it interesting that in our culture as men age they are frequently described as "distinguished" whereas women become "old." What???I have read numerous articles as of late (written by men) declaring they never notice what a woman wears, her hair or if she has gained a few pounds. CACA!!! I have never, ever believed that and I certainly don't now. Please!!! Every male I ever dated or befriended can produce a long laundry list of my actual and alleged flaws and then some (I like to refer to some of those as quirks). As a matter of fact, I am insulted that those crazy fabrications are even published. And I read a ton of fabrications! Let's take Ashton and Demi. Were you expecting that? I wasn't, but I don't know them, and I thought a celebrity analogy would be appropriate for this section. Admittedly, I am not a fan of either, but I have seen several recent headlines describing alleged issues in their relationship (this goes back to the quality of the publications I read at this juncture in my life). One headline declares she is "starving to keep up with younger women" to retain his attention. Personally, I don't know or care what happens in their relationship, but from viewing some recent photos, Demi may want to up the crumb count because girl could impale someone with those elbows. Don't tell me he hasn't noticed. It may not be a hot topic of conversation, but it is always noticed! Did I really just write about Ashton and Demi? Yes, I think I just did.
So, since I love sports and those female sideline reporters garner much attention, I decided to conduct an ultra scientific survey. I have read that these women are inundated with emails each day telling them they "shouldn't wear that color on air" or letting them know they " look like they have gained weight." That's something we all love to hear! People really take the time to email someone to tell them that wearing yellow on air makes them look like they have jaundice? Or they look like they should cut out those trips to the buffet? Like the person isn't aware? And yes, I am about to do the same thing later in this blog, but I'm not emailing or tweeting anyone to tell them to get a new hairdresser. Note to society, if it takes you 15 minutes to button your pants and you feel your liver wrap around your larynx when they are finally zipped, it's not necessary to suggest someone lay off the cookies. Speaking of cookies, I would love a cookie right now but I don't keep those in the house. Oh, back to what I was saying..It may not be discussed, but it is duly noted and no investigation by Lt Caffey is necessary. We get it. Everyone has an opinion!
So I decided to poll 10 males I like and trust, and asked their thoughts on some female reporters..Actually, I trusted they would respond with witty, honest answers and they all delivered as suspected. Unfortunately, one responded with pretty much the same non-printable response on all, so I was left with 9 opinions. And these guys had many thoughts, But I have to say, I was surprised and amused by what I read. Drum roll:
Erin Andrews-I was fully expecting a collective bucket of drool from survey respondents. Many oohed and ahhed, but some noted that while she was tall, blond and hot, they found her talentless and annoying. Maybe so, but I bet they would turn into a pile of putty around Erin. Erin is willowy, blond and has a sweet gig. However, whenever I see her I am reminded of that 911 call where she compares herself to Britney Spears. Crickets. I will stay quiet.
Suzi Kolber- The overwhelming majority said "She's cute and knows her stuff. I would love to hang out with her." She is adorable isn't she? However, one respondent noted that Suzi was a bit happy with the hairspray and needed to ease up on the smile. She was too happy. Really? Is gloom more attractive? I thought men didn't notice these things?
The most polarizing individual was Rachel Nichols. Several said she was hot, but one mentioned he thought she was on a "British dental plan" while another said she was bland and needed to address the dark circles under her eyes. Brutal! Another said her butt was just too much for them. I think Rachel is cute, and I certainly can't crucify the woman for having dark circles and a big butt. I have such dark circles that when I mentioned some new treatment for them, my 6 year old said, "it's going to take more than cream to fix those." When I turned to my 8 yr old for a 2nd opinion, he just looked at me and said ,"maybe the doctor could fix those Mommy." This is why I had a 3rd child. I will train this one to tell me what I want to hear. Maybe that is why I like Rachel? No matter how thin I am, the booty remains. Rachel take a vacation and get some sleep. Me, my butt and dark circles would happily fill in for you! Maybe I can get Sir Mix-a-Lot to make a special guest appearance? xoxox
Michelle Beadle- I think I misspelled this again. She's on Sportsnation with Colin Cowherd! Love them both on the show. While Michelle was unanimously described as "cool and smart", Colin did not escape the wrath of these alleged non-observant men. He was described as some words I won't print and a booger eater. I heart Colin. He cracks himself up and that makes me laugh.
I didn't ask about Holly Rowe, but from one female to another I want to share some advice. Holly, the spirit of Michael Jackson has called and wants his "Thriller" jacket back. What is up with those crazy red or black pleather jackets you wear on the sidelines? I know it's hot under the lights and sun, but blotting paper is our friend. Trust me, I've been there.
What did I learn from this experiment? Exactly what I suspected. Men do notice that stuff, but they don't always discuss it or analyze it like women do. And for cathartic yet poor literary purposes, I just wrote about it.
*****Disclaimer*************As always, this is my crazy opinion and reflects nothing but my sleep deprived opinion. Yes, yes, yes. I am well aware that commas are in the wrong place, and I wouldn't wager a limb for grammatical accuracy.
Anyway, I find it interesting that in our culture as men age they are frequently described as "distinguished" whereas women become "old." What???I have read numerous articles as of late (written by men) declaring they never notice what a woman wears, her hair or if she has gained a few pounds. CACA!!! I have never, ever believed that and I certainly don't now. Please!!! Every male I ever dated or befriended can produce a long laundry list of my actual and alleged flaws and then some (I like to refer to some of those as quirks). As a matter of fact, I am insulted that those crazy fabrications are even published. And I read a ton of fabrications! Let's take Ashton and Demi. Were you expecting that? I wasn't, but I don't know them, and I thought a celebrity analogy would be appropriate for this section. Admittedly, I am not a fan of either, but I have seen several recent headlines describing alleged issues in their relationship (this goes back to the quality of the publications I read at this juncture in my life). One headline declares she is "starving to keep up with younger women" to retain his attention. Personally, I don't know or care what happens in their relationship, but from viewing some recent photos, Demi may want to up the crumb count because girl could impale someone with those elbows. Don't tell me he hasn't noticed. It may not be a hot topic of conversation, but it is always noticed! Did I really just write about Ashton and Demi? Yes, I think I just did.
So, since I love sports and those female sideline reporters garner much attention, I decided to conduct an ultra scientific survey. I have read that these women are inundated with emails each day telling them they "shouldn't wear that color on air" or letting them know they " look like they have gained weight." That's something we all love to hear! People really take the time to email someone to tell them that wearing yellow on air makes them look like they have jaundice? Or they look like they should cut out those trips to the buffet? Like the person isn't aware? And yes, I am about to do the same thing later in this blog, but I'm not emailing or tweeting anyone to tell them to get a new hairdresser. Note to society, if it takes you 15 minutes to button your pants and you feel your liver wrap around your larynx when they are finally zipped, it's not necessary to suggest someone lay off the cookies. Speaking of cookies, I would love a cookie right now but I don't keep those in the house. Oh, back to what I was saying..It may not be discussed, but it is duly noted and no investigation by Lt Caffey is necessary. We get it. Everyone has an opinion!
So I decided to poll 10 males I like and trust, and asked their thoughts on some female reporters..Actually, I trusted they would respond with witty, honest answers and they all delivered as suspected. Unfortunately, one responded with pretty much the same non-printable response on all, so I was left with 9 opinions. And these guys had many thoughts, But I have to say, I was surprised and amused by what I read. Drum roll:
Erin Andrews-I was fully expecting a collective bucket of drool from survey respondents. Many oohed and ahhed, but some noted that while she was tall, blond and hot, they found her talentless and annoying. Maybe so, but I bet they would turn into a pile of putty around Erin. Erin is willowy, blond and has a sweet gig. However, whenever I see her I am reminded of that 911 call where she compares herself to Britney Spears. Crickets. I will stay quiet.
Suzi Kolber- The overwhelming majority said "She's cute and knows her stuff. I would love to hang out with her." She is adorable isn't she? However, one respondent noted that Suzi was a bit happy with the hairspray and needed to ease up on the smile. She was too happy. Really? Is gloom more attractive? I thought men didn't notice these things?
The most polarizing individual was Rachel Nichols. Several said she was hot, but one mentioned he thought she was on a "British dental plan" while another said she was bland and needed to address the dark circles under her eyes. Brutal! Another said her butt was just too much for them. I think Rachel is cute, and I certainly can't crucify the woman for having dark circles and a big butt. I have such dark circles that when I mentioned some new treatment for them, my 6 year old said, "it's going to take more than cream to fix those." When I turned to my 8 yr old for a 2nd opinion, he just looked at me and said ,"maybe the doctor could fix those Mommy." This is why I had a 3rd child. I will train this one to tell me what I want to hear. Maybe that is why I like Rachel? No matter how thin I am, the booty remains. Rachel take a vacation and get some sleep. Me, my butt and dark circles would happily fill in for you! Maybe I can get Sir Mix-a-Lot to make a special guest appearance? xoxox
Michelle Beadle- I think I misspelled this again. She's on Sportsnation with Colin Cowherd! Love them both on the show. While Michelle was unanimously described as "cool and smart", Colin did not escape the wrath of these alleged non-observant men. He was described as some words I won't print and a booger eater. I heart Colin. He cracks himself up and that makes me laugh.
I didn't ask about Holly Rowe, but from one female to another I want to share some advice. Holly, the spirit of Michael Jackson has called and wants his "Thriller" jacket back. What is up with those crazy red or black pleather jackets you wear on the sidelines? I know it's hot under the lights and sun, but blotting paper is our friend. Trust me, I've been there.
What did I learn from this experiment? Exactly what I suspected. Men do notice that stuff, but they don't always discuss it or analyze it like women do. And for cathartic yet poor literary purposes, I just wrote about it.
*****Disclaimer*************As always, this is my crazy opinion and reflects nothing but my sleep deprived opinion. Yes, yes, yes. I am well aware that commas are in the wrong place, and I wouldn't wager a limb for grammatical accuracy.
Friday, November 4, 2011
FB friends dwindle and picks for the week
So, I have written 2 quasi serious blog posts but I have not hit publish. Not sure if I am ready for serious...yet. I mean, I don't want to appear as if I am prepping for an episode of Dr. Phil. As a side note, I wonder if there is a double secret hiding place tally of people of peeps who unfriend you on FB? If so, I may be winning. I try to avoid anything too serious on FB, but alas, you can't please everyone. Maybe I have cooties? I'm just not that hip as a grownup as I am surrounded by Bieber, iCarly and Victorious Jackson talk. Not to mention, US Weekly isn't exactly Pulitzer prize winning material so my brain doesn't always process serious matters as well as it once did. Scratch that. I decide what I want to process at this point. Sigh. I guess I will just feel the way I did when I was 13. When I am down to 1 "friend", I will just have to like everything I say. Mwack mwack mwack. Was that a mini pity party? Where were the chip and margaritas?
It's a big week in football! The game of the century occurs this weekend when wacky Les Miles faces off against the stern face of Nick Saban. Mmmmm. More on that later.
South Carolina at Arkansas-Darth Visor heads to Woo Pig Sooey. I don't know what to think of either. Hogs or Gamecocks. SEC teams have some wacky mascots, eh? I say the Hogs wallow out the win 21-17.
Virginia at Maryland-The Cavs are on a roll and have knocked off GT and da U. However, in typical ACC form, they will lose unexpectedly. Maybe Maryland will blind them with this week's hideous get up. Perhaps they line up real turtles with checker boards painted on their shells at the line of scrimmage? Terps protect a house made of cards in an upset 24-20
Notre Dame at Wake Forest-Notre Dame hasn't been anything to watch since Brady Quinn (aka BQ) left. He was their equivalent to Sunshine in "Remember the Titans"...Haute! Neither team is predictable or reliable, but let's go with the Demon Deacons in this "defense will be absent during roll call" match up. WF-38 ND- 35
Kansas State vs Oklahoma State-The Cowboys will lose to someone (yes, I am well aware the other Cowboys have lost to several people this season), but I say they survive a close one. The great thing about the game is that there will be multiple players named Gunner, Shooter, Wyatt, and Dusty playing. Cowboys 35 K State 24
****Game of a lifetime according to prognosticators at ESPN*** LSU vs Alabama-Everything should tell you to pick Alabama as they are at home and it "feels" like they should win. But never count those wacky Bayou Bengals out of a game. However, they also can't be trusted which you should know if you have ever watched an episode of "Fatal Attractions" on Animal Planet. The camera will pan to those twins in the Bear Bryant hats but I think LSU squeaks out the win 17-14.
And finally, I enlisted the help of my 6 year old with this next pick. UGA takes on New Mexico. I asked my Fi-nom what she saw in store for the Bulldogs with a depleted back field due to some failed tests. (I didn't get into specifics). And this is what she sees for them after "Losing Isaiah" the Bulldog version...
Yes, that's us making the "W" not the "U" sign. The baby was adding some background commentary and the dog was just hoping for crumbs to drop. We have an industrial size garbage can for all to see. And yes, I am wearing a crown along with our best, "Shiny, Happy People" faces (key up REM). We keep it real!
It's a big week in football! The game of the century occurs this weekend when wacky Les Miles faces off against the stern face of Nick Saban. Mmmmm. More on that later.
South Carolina at Arkansas-Darth Visor heads to Woo Pig Sooey. I don't know what to think of either. Hogs or Gamecocks. SEC teams have some wacky mascots, eh? I say the Hogs wallow out the win 21-17.
Virginia at Maryland-The Cavs are on a roll and have knocked off GT and da U. However, in typical ACC form, they will lose unexpectedly. Maybe Maryland will blind them with this week's hideous get up. Perhaps they line up real turtles with checker boards painted on their shells at the line of scrimmage? Terps protect a house made of cards in an upset 24-20
Notre Dame at Wake Forest-Notre Dame hasn't been anything to watch since Brady Quinn (aka BQ) left. He was their equivalent to Sunshine in "Remember the Titans"...Haute! Neither team is predictable or reliable, but let's go with the Demon Deacons in this "defense will be absent during roll call" match up. WF-38 ND- 35
Kansas State vs Oklahoma State-The Cowboys will lose to someone (yes, I am well aware the other Cowboys have lost to several people this season), but I say they survive a close one. The great thing about the game is that there will be multiple players named Gunner, Shooter, Wyatt, and Dusty playing. Cowboys 35 K State 24
****Game of a lifetime according to prognosticators at ESPN*** LSU vs Alabama-Everything should tell you to pick Alabama as they are at home and it "feels" like they should win. But never count those wacky Bayou Bengals out of a game. However, they also can't be trusted which you should know if you have ever watched an episode of "Fatal Attractions" on Animal Planet. The camera will pan to those twins in the Bear Bryant hats but I think LSU squeaks out the win 17-14.
And finally, I enlisted the help of my 6 year old with this next pick. UGA takes on New Mexico. I asked my Fi-nom what she saw in store for the Bulldogs with a depleted back field due to some failed tests. (I didn't get into specifics). And this is what she sees for them after "Losing Isaiah" the Bulldog version...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)