College Picks

What day is it? What day is it? It's the day after finding out Matt Leinhart's baby has a sibling.
Brynn Cameron, sister of Jordan Cameron of the Cleveland Browns, procreated with Blake Griffin. I don't find Griffin attractive in the least and Matt Leinhart at one time said that Paris Hilton was the one. So, I doubt Matt  was strolling out of a Mensa meeting when he heard this news but CHA-CHING for Ms. Cameron!
 http://msn.foxsports.com/nba/story/blake-griffin-son-born-brynn-cameron-matt-leinart-baby-mama-ford-wilson-cameron-griffin-jordan-cameron-usc-basketball-092313  Far be it from me to be a moral barometer, but it appears she upgraded in the bank account department. I believe Griffin makes $19million per year. Just like that song on Just Dance 3, "It's not about the money, money, money." Brynne released a statement that said she wanted to set an example for her children. At one point she supposedly asked for $30k per month in child support.  She does appear to have a type....

I skipped posting picks last week because A) I was buried under a mountain of laundry, B) I was doing homework (not my own, of course) and C) I just didn't know who to post about. But this week should be phat, so let's get it started.

VT at GT- Our neighbors have put up their GT flag very early this year, so they must have faith in the Ramblin Wreck this season. The Jackets rallied to beat UNC while VT had to go to 3 or 4 overtimes to beat Marshall last week. One of those wins is slightly more impressive than the other. Hokies will be pokied by the Jackets. GT by 10

Oklahoma at ND-Two teams you can count on to choke. I haven't seen Oklahoma play and of course, you have no choice but to see ND play each week. Big game Bobby vs Bad hair Brian. ND has to rally in every game. Does any team have any pride in the Big 12? I guess we will see. For the record, I assure you that whoever I pick, then you can be assured the other team will win. Eeeny, meanie, miney.....Boomer Sooner in a close one.

Wisconsin at Ohio State-Allegedly Braxton Miller comes back this week for the Buckeyes, but they have been just fine without him hanging 70 plus on FAMU last week. The only thing I know about Wisconsin is that a bikini clad Brett Bieleama's wife (I'm not checking the spelling of the last name-yeah, call me lazy)called it Karma. Well, you know what they say about Karma. Karma is a -----. Buckeyes will roll regardless of whether they start my 3 year old at QB. Buckeyes get a w.

Ole Miss at Alabama-Okay, okay. I said I wasn't buying a turn around at Ole Miss but I will concede they look GRITTY! First they had that come from behind rally to beat Vandy (I know it wasn't a Jeopardy tournament) and then a big win over a struggling Texas team. Hugh "I'm still not spellchecking or googling to verify spelling of his last name" Friez has done a nice job thus far. Maybe he and Nick Saban will sit down for Little Debbie oatmeal pies after the game? Bama had a nice win over Johnny Football, so the West is theirs for the taking if they deliver. The biggest news I heard about the Tide this week was that allegedly Katherine Webb broke up with AJ McCarron because of his his excessive cheating. Must me that massive tattoo of Jesus on his chest. Anyway, Tide win.

LSU at UGA-At one point Zack Mettenberger was a QB at UGA, but due to some indiscretions during Spring Break (I think?) he was asked to leave the party. 4 years later he is with Bobby Bouchet and Vickie Vallencourt in the land of foozeball and purple drank. LSU is undefeated while UGA suffered a disappointing loss at the hands of Dabeau. That sounds Cajun doesn't it?? LSU has a star in Jeremy Hill while UGA has Todd Gurley. Gurley is a beast! The Dawgs have some special team woes while LSU hasn't exactly beaten rock star teams. This should be a nail biter. Lou Holtz will be slobbering before, during and after the game.....about ND and Michigan. UGA by 3. Go Dawgs!

***Bonus Thursday Night NFL Pick*** SF vs Rams- Colin Kaepernick doesn't know it, but yes, he's my boyfriend. Well, one of my boyfriends and my husband knows this too. Kaepernick was running for his life last week against the Colts while the Rams got lit up (Thanks Fall Out Boy) by the Cowboys. How bout them Cowboys? We're not talking about them right now. Rams defense is scrappy while 49ers have some issues. 49ers will be missing Aldon Smith because he pulled a LiLo. I have to think Harbaugh gets it together so I say 49ers rebound with a victory.

Don't hate the player. Hate the game. XO

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood....College Picks

TGIF! It's been just a typical week but this girl is thrilled it's Friday. Nothing exceptional happened in the world this week. Dina Lohan was arrested (yawn, a Lohan is always arrested) and some peeps took the time to write the FCC about Miley Cyrus' performance at the VMAs. I don't watch that garbage. I prefer classy garbage like those paternity tests on Maury. "This is the 27th man we've tested. Robert, you are not the father." I forgot to mention that the woman always says she was "talking to several men at the time." ******News Alert*******Babies are not a result of talking. If you offend, stop reading. Anyway, if you want to laugh, read some of the letters sent to the network (complete with typos). There is nothing SFW about this site http://dlisted.com/2013/09/13/a-treasure-trove-of-gold-the-fcc-complaints-about-miley-cyrus-vma-twerkaganza/  The fact that some folks consider anything on MTV as family friendly (I guess Teen Mom or Pregnant at 16 are focused on the family) is sad commentary on our culture as a whole.

I'm thrilled that I was wrong about the Dawgs last week. A win is a win. Buh-bam. Here is what I am totally guessing at this week...

UCLA at Nebraska-Jim Mora Jr. thinks he is bringing sexy back to Westwood. The Bruins had been the ugly the stepchild in USC but Lane Kiffin has helped the Bruins look on trend again. Taylor Martinez has to be pushing 40 because I swear he has has been the Cornhusker QB for the last 20 years. I'm not a fan of either of these teams, but I will go with the corn on the cob.

North Texas at UGA-Get ready to feel the Gurley fury and North Texas gets PAID. Woof big.

Bama at Texas A&M-Oh gosh. Seriously. I know more about Johnny Manziel and AJ McCarron's gf than I would like to admit. Has Johnny Football received an invite from LeBron and Savannah to celebrate their 3 day wedding? Maybe Kathryn Webb will do a photobomb? (Really LeBron. A 3 minute ceremony is sufficient.) The prognosticators have told us the wheels are falling off the Tide bus because of the way they looked against the Hokey Pokies. See my statement above where I mentioned a w is a w. It's tough to go against the Little Debbie fan known as Nick Saban. Tide by 4.

Ole Miss at Texas-Mack Brown invested in a case of aloe to cool off his booty because he is on the hot seat after some mediocre years and a bad loss to BYU. Ole Miss had the recruiting class everyone was positively salivating over so allegedly they are on the up and up. Beats being on a rapidly accelerating downward spiral, right? Horns have to have some pride, right? Texas in a squeaker.

Iowa vs Iowa State-What is this? The Children of the Corn bold? Have you been to Aimes? I have and it was interesting. Still, I'm a daredevil because I will wear 2 mismatched socks and not comb my hair. Cyclones in an ugly game.

Tennessee at Oregon-This game quacks me up. Oregon has no D, but I don't think Tennessee has any D or O so that is always a problem. Butch Davis was quite smug last week after defeating the fighting Bobby Petrinos.I don't know if I would be arrogant about that but what do I know? Do they serve tea and quackers at Oregon games?Take this to the bank- Oregon big. You can (ha) bill me on this one.

Maryland at Connecticut-Sadly, this isn't hoops. Terps aren't great, but they look BCS worthy compared to Huskies. Protect the house with the Turtles by 10.

BC at USC-Speaking of hot seat, the Kiffinator lost to Washington State, a team that I can't recall being decent in my lifetime. The traditionally high powered offense of USC scored a whopping 7 points. BC is usually bottom tier ACC, so surely the Trojans have a smidgen of pride and will win. Right? Trojans in a close, boring affair.

My 3 year old told me he has swag. Haters gonna hate!

NFL Week 1

Awesome win by the Bulldogs today. Note to self, keep using reverse psychology when picking UGA games. I can't stomach a full game of ND vs Michigan and the fawning by the network. So what am I watching? As you know I don't watch much so I'm just catching "Argo." Is it strange to say this is the first movie I've ever found Ben Affleck slightly attractive? He's very talented and I like his movies. Must be the hair and scruff. Impressive soundtrack and I'm totally envious of the women's wardrobes in this flick. Bell-bottoms forever baby!!! In the words of the Blackeyed Peas "Let's Get It Started"......

If you had a fantasy football team that consisted of the Dogfather (aka Mike Vick), Cleveland Browns defense, and several members of the Raiders, would you even bother to play? Riiiiiight. Can I get Jamarcus Russell back in the league to make this legit. Speaking of fantasy football, if you had Mr. Manning on Thursday night you had swag.  Peyton had a pretty good night on Thursday for a guy 2 steps from the assisted living home according to some experts, eh? Congrats to Mr. Manning for beating my boyfriend, John Harbaugh (who got a fat contract). However, I think the Broncos are flawed because they have too many players from the University of Kentucky on their team. This ain't hoops Mr. Elway.

New England at Buffalo-Buffalo is lovely in Sept. For you trivia buffs, at one time Buffalo was the incest capital of the US which is certainly something to advertise, right? I digress. Pats have had much hoopla surrounding them including alleged murderers and all that is Tebow. Neither are with the team. BAM! Buffalo has had more QBs on their roster than I can name. Kolb-probably done forever. Leinhart-defying logic proving there was another stop after Oakland but put a fork in him too. Jeff Tuel-who? EJ Manuel gets to start this Sunday. I know some folks say the wheels have fallen off the Pats' bus but I believe there is still an engine. Pats-31 Bills-20.

Seattle at Carolina-Does Cam take the next step? Is he going to claim that Katy Perry song "Roar" as his own? Does Russell Wilson suffer from a sophomore slump? I have no idea but I think the Seahawks get it done. Jet lag included. Hags-28 Panthers-21.

Miami at Cleveland=Poor Cleveland. The Jim Brown curse continues as their first round pick won't be playing the first game. However,  the Browns are scrappy and I trust Bernie Kosar's sober analysis-as soon as I hear it.  Browns in an upset 21-17.

KC at Jacksonville-Also known as "The Ambien Bowl." Chiefs do have Alex Smith and if he can stay upright they should be okay. Jags always amaze everyone when they score in the double digits.  Chiefs will suck up the humidity and leave with a "w". Chiefs 27-10

TB at NY Jets- So the Bucs are going to visit Ringling Brothers this week. There is a line that Mark Sanchez would throw his first TD to Darrell Revis. Vegas was wrong? Sanchez is banged up so enter Gino Smith. I like Gino's odds of throwing a pick 6. But unlike Gruden, the Bucs don't make me swoon.Bucs' QB has good hair and is in a contract year. This means nothing but this game is going to be fug. I can't believe I'm doing this but I will take the Jets. 13-10. Yes, I realize this means Jets will lose by 50.

NYG at Dallas-Elmer goes to Jerry's World. That sounds like a Jonah Hill/Seth Rogan flick. Giants didn't make the playoffs last year so history would tell us they would be good this year. I have no clue. Dallas is building a Victoria's Secret shop at the stadium, but if Jerry could get the Angels to the stadium, it would make Jerry the most popular dude in Dallas. I'll take Romo and company in a good one. 35-28.

GB at SF-Rodgers vs Kapernick. One does the discount double check dance while the other is doing the triple tattoo throw. When I see Kap (I'm too lazy to type that out again), I feel like I need to read him.   49ers-28 Pack Attack-27

Philly vs Washington-.So Chip "I believe I can fly" Kelly left the Ducks with some issues and the Eagles seem to have dissension on the team with Cary Williams challenging Riley Cooper to a WWF match. Birds of a feather flock together. The Dogfather says the young players don't respect him. Where is Dr. Phil when you need him?  RG3 is recovering from a torn ACL and apparently he and Shanahan aren't on the same page. They're probably not even reading the same book. Eagles are a mess and the Redskins will wet the bed later. Redskins-35 Eagles-21

****Winner Winner Chicken Dinner Game of the Week*****

Falcons at the Saints- Falcons fly into New Orleans to take on Drew Brees and associates. Saints have their coach Sean Peyton back this year after a year of doing...whatever he has been doing, Allegedly, he's going thru a messy divorce after his wife caught him canoodling with a cheerleader. Wonder if she walked in and said "Who dat"  before contacting her divorce attorney.  Saints are good at home even though they had one of the worst defenses in the history of the NFL last season. I say. History would say take the Saints but I'll take Steven Jackson to have a nice day. 35-31

Let's see how we do...

College Football Picks Week 2

Word up! First, a brief recap of some world news of the week. Ariel Castro-outie. Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones-finito. Gwen Stefani-expecting. Katie Couric-engaged. George Zimmerman's marriage-done. Lamar Odom-rehab/no rehab. Brooke Mueller-always needs rehab. Terrell Pryor-starting. Brady Quinn-employed. Matt Leinhart-unemployed. Manziel-tool. Alyssa Milano showing her boobs to support Syrians-who's the boob? Syria-cluster. And if I see another Robin Thicke article I  will actually puke on this blog. Yes, there will be actual images of vomit on my next blog entry.  I can't take another publicist's plant telling me that "I just wouldn't believe how hot Robin is in person." They're right. I wouldn't. 

Did you watch the UGA game last week? Right. The lone highlight pictured below.

Poor Russ had the right idea by sleeping through missed opportunities. Sigh. It's a new week, but a note about last week. I loathe when the "experts" spew utter and complete garbage. Mr. Expert: "Kansas State can still win the BCS even though they lost to North Dakota State." What is bull shizzle, Alex? Mr. Super Expert: "This was just a hiccup for UGA. They can still win the BCS." Please start taking your medication. I'm not a doubter. I'm a realist. This is not happening.  

Florida at Miami-I keep hearing the Canes are back. I will believe it when I see it. I expect to see Al Golden and Will Muschamp sweating profusely on the sideline. They won't be raising their hands because they are sure.  Gators make me gag. But I think they win. Chomp 28 Canes-17

Oregon at Virginia -Cavs had the last minute moves like Jagger against BYU last week while (are you ready???) the Ducks waddled all over Nichols State (what the cluck???) Ducks ruffled some feathers of the NCAA but only received some laughable punishment.  I'm not sure playing VA adds to your out of conference strength of schedule, but a W is a W. Quack Attack-48 Cavaliers-10

Notre Dame at Michigan-ESPN is actually handing out drool cups to their prognosticators in preparation for this game. Mark May and Lou Holtz positively salivate over this match up each year.  Actually,  Lou Holtz salivates over everything. Buh-bam. Michigan peeps think Brady Hoke is their guy while Notre Dame is ready to show the world they aren't that pile of dog poo that showed up in the BCS championship against Alabama. They can blame that media ho Lennay Kukua (Congratulations Lennay for making Maxim's 100 hottest women-the only woman on the list who never takes a bad pic) for laying an egg in that game. ND also lost their QB Golston to some academic woes so it's a new year for the Irish. Brian Kelly is a good coach, but I take the Wolves in da big house. 31-30. (This means ND will win. Watch)

Washington State at USC-Cougars battled it out with Auburn last week only to leave with their tails tucked between their legs. Lane Kiffin & company has been strangely quiet this year after the media assured us last year that a) Matt Barkley would win the Heisman b)hence, becoming the 1st pick of the NFL Draft c) just a few months after winning the BCS. Which of those 3 things occurred? Right. I'll take the song girls this week. Trojans 35-24

****Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner Game of the Week****

South Carolina at UGA-What can I say? I totally forgot that we lost to SC 35-7 last year, but a friend texted me to remind me of that event. Like Dionne said before facing tax evasion, "That's What Friends Are For." From what I could tell last week, UGA's offensive line looked a bit porous-like a large block of swiss cheese.  I hope Kenarious Gates was eating his Wheaties this week because he will be going head to head with that lazy, out of shape slob (haaaaa!) Jadaveon Clowney. Aaron Murray seems like  a really nice kid who is good for a big turnover every game. Generally, a fumble deep in their own territory or occasionally a pick six (those are never desirable). However, he will break all kinds of UGA passing records which looks nice on a resume. Darth Visor and company has won 3 in a row. Again, not being  a downer because I think the Dawgs regroup BUT it will be after this game. At least Russ will be comfortable on his block of ice. Make it 4 for the Gamecocks 28-24. (Perhaps reverse psychology is in play here and they prove me wrong.)

For the record, if the Broncos don't seal the deal this year (and I don't think they do), it will be because they have too many players from the University of Kentucky. Haters gonna hate!

Pro picks up tomorrow.