What it is???I just saw a fantastic 30 for 30 on ESPN about Benji Wilson. I didn't know that story and although sad, it was a very insightful piece. On another note, many people are saying they feel cheated by Lance Armstrong and are dogging his Live Strong Foundation. Seriously? I don't mean to be demeaning but it only required about 3-5 brain cells to see that dude probably wasn't clean. And this was years ago! I mean, they can't find a cyclist who didn't use...period. Apparently the only clean competitive cyclists ride a Dora the Explorer tricycle. If you were one of those peeps who were shocked and floored by the allegations and sworn testimony of everyone but his mother, then you are probably believe that Demi Moore hasn't had plastic surgery, there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and have a Big Foot sighting at least once a week. Yes, I'm sure Big Foot likes the ice at QT when he fills his vehicle up with gas. Again, the entire sport has a dark, positive drug test over it, but it doesn't mean these guys aren't talented athletes and Armstrong overcame stage 4 cancer. His foundation has done a ton of great things and given many hope and inspiration. And that peeps is a good thing (even though I don't like Lance Armstrong and have always found him highly obnoxious, but it doesn't matter what I think). Get over yourselves and your "disappointment." I'm disappointed that I didn't go to work for CNN when I had the chance, wore knickers in the 5th grade (a fashion trend I should have avoided) and should have gone out with that pro baseball player that asked when I was in my early 20s. Why not? Now I realize I should eat more broccoli and watch my caffeine intake. Couldva, shoulda, woulda.....It's all part of life. Enough said.
I'm posting a little early because I'm going out of town, but let me talk about myself in 3rd person for a moment so I can sound pretentious. Tara only missed 1 college game and 1 pro game. Take that paid prognosticators. Pro picks up later, but did you see the hit Suh put on Cutler? Shazaam! Kristen Cavalleri thought she was going to have to put up a match.com profile that said "Need new paycheck." Bada Bing!
Here we go...................
Ole Miss at Arkansas-Look at the Hogs! They now have a couple of victories under their belt and look like a juggernaut compared to Auburn. Eli's alma mater is trying to move in the right direction but I think the Hogs win a squeaker.
Texas Tech at Kansas State-Kansas State was my lone loss last week. Bill Snyder (I think that's the coach) has done a great job in quietly leading his team to an undefeated record. So why am I not sold? Is is because the school is in Manhattan and it's the polar opposite of the, ahem, real Manhattan? Texas Tech likes to play the spoiler so I have to go with an upset....The Tubbervilles in an upset. (I'm probably massively wrong on this)
Notre Dame at Oklahoma-If I had to guess, the BCS is on the verge of tears because the Irish are undefeated. Most of their wins are ugly, but hey, a w is a w. Ask Georgia. The Sooners have one loss to the Wildcats of K-State, but are a good home team. Luck of the Irish runs out this week. Boomer sooner!
Mississippi State at Bama-It's the other bulldogs (really cute mascot) strolling into Tuscaloosa. Both teams are undefeated and both have had some fluff opponents. Again a win is a win. Unfortunately, one team's luck runs out and that team is..........M State. Bama gets another victory.
Ohio State at Penn State-I think OSU could go undefeated, but it won't matter because they are on triple public probation and can't even go to the Mr. Clean Toilet Bowl. All this over some tattoos-well maybe some other stuff. I'm sure the prognosticators want Penn State to win, but I will stick with Urban's posse. Buckeyes in a close crazy one.
Oregon State at Washington-I know. I know. I should be buying Oregon State, but I'm not completely sold. It's like they are they pretzel m&m when it was still being tested in certain markets. I like it, but I'm not sure. For the record, Washington doesn't blow me away but you have to pick upsets from time to time. Huskies
Michigan at Nebraska-Thank goodness I missed all of the Michigan vs Michigan State game as it looked awful. Allegedly, Michigan is expected to win the Big 10 (with however many teams they have now) since Ohio State can't. This will be played amongst the cornfields so I say Huskers.
Michigan State at Wisconsin-Pass the ambien as this should put every one to sleep. Badgers in the ultimate snooze fest.
Tennessee at South Carolina-Darth is mad and the Gamecocks will take it out on Dooley and the Vols. No rocky top this week. SC
****Winner Winner Chicken Dinner Game of the Week*********
Did you see UGA vs KY last week? It was ugly but the Dawgs escaped with a win. Will Muschamp has the Gators undefeated so now he faces his alma mater. Last week, Aaron Murray didn't turn the ball over a single time so I hope he isn't saving up for this week. My dad says he doesn't understand how any defensive player for UGA can be hurt because you need to tackle someone to sustain an injury during the game. Oh Dad!! Not always, but an interesting observation. I should be an optimist and say UGA gets a win (and I hope that happens), but realism prevails and I think Florida will hang at least 38 on the D. Some of it courtesy of the O. Sadly, I expect the Gators to win. Phooey!
And here's my celebrity snippet for the day. This band is defunct, but had a very talented lead singer who also happens to be a kick ass Scattergories and Cranium player. This was one of their best songs http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dw3dFPQq_hI
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Saturday, October 20, 2012
I was that lady today and pro picks....
It was a big day at the pumpkin patch and corn maze today. Where are Linus and Sally when you need them? I had my 2 youngest kids and today I was THAT lady. You know the one when you go out in public and you say to yourself, "what is wrong with that woman and her kids?" Yes, that was me today. No, Lambchop. You can't drive the tractor. No Lambchop. You can't get in the pen with the horses. No Lambchop. You can't play with the carving knife. It was like the last time I took all 3 kids out to dinner. The staff was gushing about how funny and cute they were....until they all 3 spilled their drink at different times. And I just said to hand me the mop the 3rd time. They were waving and smiling as we said goodbye, and I could see the look of relief and genuine happiness in their eyes as we said thank you and left.
I feel that I am 2 legit 2 quit this week which means I will miss every game. I just looked at the schedule and these are some tough games to pick....
Tennessee at Buffalo-I think both of these guys won last week. Hasselback vs Fitzpatrick. I'd like to buy a vowel, Pat. Mmmmm. I don't think either of these teams are very good so I will go for what I assume is an upset and say "Titans on 3." Where is Coach Herman Boone when you need him?
Dallas at Carolina-Jason Garrett was trying to explain why his Princeton education wasn't sufficient in understanding time management at the end of the game last week. He was sure that it was going to be Professor Plumb with the candlestick in the conservatory and it wasn't. Mwak, mwak, mwak, mwak. Carolina is streaky to say the least but I like the ESPN commercial courtesy of Cam. Gosh. Yes, I think it's time for Dallas to win. Romo dodged a bullet with Jessica Simpson and her freak of a dad, and he dodges another one this week.
Baltimore at Houston-The Ravens team was decimated with injuries last week. They will literally have to call Bobby Bouchet and some people from "The Replacements" to suit up on D. Houston laid a big old egg against GB last week, but that was expected. I guess I have to say the Texans win one in honor of Big Tex.
Washington at the Giants-2 QBS who did really well on the Wonderlic. The Giants are 5-5 in the last 10 home games and RG3 is having a great year. But it's so difficult to pull against Elmer. He is the glue (I just love that analogy) that holds the team together. Giants
NO at Tampa Bay-Both of these teams are terrible, but Drew Brees is the shizzle. This is a super low confidence pick. Actually, most of my picks are super low confidence. Saints?
Jets at the Patriots-The Patriots are really messing me up by losing this year. Both teams have QBs that have appeared in GQ, but I think one has a much stronger work ethic than the other. Hold on to your hymnals as they say Tebow will make a guest appearance. I think he is a better match with Samantha Steele than Christian Ponder. Ponder has that Andy Roddick crazy eye. I digress. Patriots. I mean really.....
Jacksonville at Oakland-Since the Chiefs are off this week, this is this week's corporal punishment for the viewers game. Jags have no offense except for Maurice Jones Drew and the Raiders looked good against the Falcons last week. But when you can't seal the deal that is a blatant faux pas. The Rayduhs
Pitt at Cincy-Big division game. Cincy gave the Browns their first win while the Steelers just look baaaaaaad. I like AJ Green and the Bungles to get a win.
Detroit at Chicago-No need to turn this game on until late in the 4th quarter. Detroit won't score until then and Jay Cutler actually gave an interview saying he wished people had something nice to say. Stafford and Cutler used to face off in college, but the Bears are the better team. Paris Hilton's ex boyfriend's team gets a victory which is better than a prescription for Valtrex.
I leave you with a song I completely forgot about until I heard it on a commercial during the UGA game. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyp1tyQ5s1A You do know that Siobhan of Bananarama is married to Dave Stewart of the Eurythmics and that Karyn of B-rama is married to Andrew Ridgely of Wham? Yeah, deep thoughts and just a single degree of separation amongst some 80s bands. Love the boots in the video!!
I feel that I am 2 legit 2 quit this week which means I will miss every game. I just looked at the schedule and these are some tough games to pick....
Tennessee at Buffalo-I think both of these guys won last week. Hasselback vs Fitzpatrick. I'd like to buy a vowel, Pat. Mmmmm. I don't think either of these teams are very good so I will go for what I assume is an upset and say "Titans on 3." Where is Coach Herman Boone when you need him?
Dallas at Carolina-Jason Garrett was trying to explain why his Princeton education wasn't sufficient in understanding time management at the end of the game last week. He was sure that it was going to be Professor Plumb with the candlestick in the conservatory and it wasn't. Mwak, mwak, mwak, mwak. Carolina is streaky to say the least but I like the ESPN commercial courtesy of Cam. Gosh. Yes, I think it's time for Dallas to win. Romo dodged a bullet with Jessica Simpson and her freak of a dad, and he dodges another one this week.
Baltimore at Houston-The Ravens team was decimated with injuries last week. They will literally have to call Bobby Bouchet and some people from "The Replacements" to suit up on D. Houston laid a big old egg against GB last week, but that was expected. I guess I have to say the Texans win one in honor of Big Tex.
Washington at the Giants-2 QBS who did really well on the Wonderlic. The Giants are 5-5 in the last 10 home games and RG3 is having a great year. But it's so difficult to pull against Elmer. He is the glue (I just love that analogy) that holds the team together. Giants
NO at Tampa Bay-Both of these teams are terrible, but Drew Brees is the shizzle. This is a super low confidence pick. Actually, most of my picks are super low confidence. Saints?
Jets at the Patriots-The Patriots are really messing me up by losing this year. Both teams have QBs that have appeared in GQ, but I think one has a much stronger work ethic than the other. Hold on to your hymnals as they say Tebow will make a guest appearance. I think he is a better match with Samantha Steele than Christian Ponder. Ponder has that Andy Roddick crazy eye. I digress. Patriots. I mean really.....
Jacksonville at Oakland-Since the Chiefs are off this week, this is this week's corporal punishment for the viewers game. Jags have no offense except for Maurice Jones Drew and the Raiders looked good against the Falcons last week. But when you can't seal the deal that is a blatant faux pas. The Rayduhs
Pitt at Cincy-Big division game. Cincy gave the Browns their first win while the Steelers just look baaaaaaad. I like AJ Green and the Bungles to get a win.
Detroit at Chicago-No need to turn this game on until late in the 4th quarter. Detroit won't score until then and Jay Cutler actually gave an interview saying he wished people had something nice to say. Stafford and Cutler used to face off in college, but the Bears are the better team. Paris Hilton's ex boyfriend's team gets a victory which is better than a prescription for Valtrex.
I leave you with a song I completely forgot about until I heard it on a commercial during the UGA game. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyp1tyQ5s1A You do know that Siobhan of Bananarama is married to Dave Stewart of the Eurythmics and that Karyn of B-rama is married to Andrew Ridgely of Wham? Yeah, deep thoughts and just a single degree of separation amongst some 80s bands. Love the boots in the video!!
Thursday, October 18, 2012
College Picks
Happy Friday eve! My 2 year old announced in a store the other day that he "loves boobies." I'm not sure what brought this on but perhaps he heard me discussing bras. Mmmm. I didn't know what to say to that. I just took the smile and nod approach. Isn't that better than saying "I like to eat poop?" Everything is so relative with little peeps.
I've also decided that it may be time to retire the pineapple. That is what it's called when I pull my hair on top of my head with either a clip or pony tail holder. I have been wearing my hair that way for 20 years and in addition to the permanent indention I have in my head and the cost effective, temporary facelift it provides, people look at you like you are insane when your hair is like that. They are talking to you and staring at the top of your head. Hello! It makes me taller. I have even passed the tradition on to my daughter. Lucky her. Every few years, I will see that this pineapple "look" is a hit on the runways in Milan and Paris and it makes me feel so revolutionary , like I invented it. Right. Unless entering Target is considered walking the catwalk, that comparison is rather meaningless. Oh, and I'm delighted that it's October. This means at any time you can find "Children of the Corn", "Saws1 thru 24" and "Halloween-Michael Myers is an Evil Bitch That Won't Die Even After Being Hit by a Train During a Nuclear Explosion" on television. However, the Halloween theme song is pure genius. If I was a figure skater, I would skate to that in the long program.
Let's see who is up this week...
Speaking of costumes, Darth Visor pays a visit to the Swamp to play Will Muschamp and the Gators. Allegedly, Marcus Lattimore won't play and the Gamecocks fizzled out (just as I said) against LSU. I hate to say it but I have to go with the Gators. Chomp.
Kansas State at WVU-This should be high scoring even though the Mountaineers were silenced by the fighting Tommy Tubervilles. These 2 teams bore me, but I expect the Mountaineers to bounce back at home in a close one. This means they will actually go out and throw up on the field to spite me. Mountaineers
LSU at Texas A&M- A&M is definitely a more competitive addition than Mizzou and their hideous uniforms. A&M is good at home, but I have a difficult time picking against LSU. I will say Les is more.
Michigan State at Michigan-It's a meeting of mediocre and mediocre state. Both of these teams have underwhelmed and the winner will set a couch on fire (yes, that will happen in Morgantown too because nothing says "good times" like burning a sectional." Denard Robinson was supposed to be a Heisman contender but this sentence is as close as he will get to the Heisman. Michigan? I sound confident don't I?
Alabama at TN-There has not been much playing of "Rocky Top" in Knoxville this year, and I doubt the extended dance mix version will be played this weekend either. Poor Derek Dooley had hip surgery and something tells me he is short for the orange world. Perhaps they are making way for Bobby Petrino and his moped? If Bobby isn't available, it sounds like Lance Armstrong may be seeking new opportunities. AJ McCarran and the Tide crack this one open in the 2nd half and roll.
Boston College at GT-Here is the fuzzy Bees chance to save a little face after losing to Middle TN state earlier in the year. You have Boston College coming to town who just lost to Army, who lost to Stony Brook. Riiiiiiiight. GT gets a much needed "W."
Auburn at Vandy-I'm going to wager a guess and say that Gene Chizik feels like he is sitting on a George Foreman grill. If I'm remembering correctly, they beat UL-Monroe in OT and that's all folks.(Subtle shout out to the icon known as Porky Pig). A kind word or two about Auburn. It's a gorgeous campus with some nice peeps. I was there when I was 7 months pregnant with my last son. I was literally overwhelmed with how polite these college kids were. Either I reminded them of their mother or it was the boobs. Couldn't have been the boobs because these kids get plastic surgery for their 16th birthday now. Regardless, I (aka known as Grimace) was treated with kindness. Vandy has looked good in most of their games and the winner is.....Jay Cutler's alma mater.
And my winner, winner chicken dinner game of the week is UGA vs Kentucky. Joker Phillips is probably feeling anything but festive with 1 win under his belt. Something tells me he will be able to have coffee with Derek Dooley soon. UGA is coming off a bye, and I hope the defense stops thinking about how they will be playing with the Bengals next year. May be close in the beginning, but Aaron "Andy" Murray and the Dawgs will get it together. I'm committing to the G on this one. Go Dawgs!
I've also decided that it may be time to retire the pineapple. That is what it's called when I pull my hair on top of my head with either a clip or pony tail holder. I have been wearing my hair that way for 20 years and in addition to the permanent indention I have in my head and the cost effective, temporary facelift it provides, people look at you like you are insane when your hair is like that. They are talking to you and staring at the top of your head. Hello! It makes me taller. I have even passed the tradition on to my daughter. Lucky her. Every few years, I will see that this pineapple "look" is a hit on the runways in Milan and Paris and it makes me feel so revolutionary , like I invented it. Right. Unless entering Target is considered walking the catwalk, that comparison is rather meaningless. Oh, and I'm delighted that it's October. This means at any time you can find "Children of the Corn", "Saws1 thru 24" and "Halloween-Michael Myers is an Evil Bitch That Won't Die Even After Being Hit by a Train During a Nuclear Explosion" on television. However, the Halloween theme song is pure genius. If I was a figure skater, I would skate to that in the long program.
Let's see who is up this week...
Speaking of costumes, Darth Visor pays a visit to the Swamp to play Will Muschamp and the Gators. Allegedly, Marcus Lattimore won't play and the Gamecocks fizzled out (just as I said) against LSU. I hate to say it but I have to go with the Gators. Chomp.
Kansas State at WVU-This should be high scoring even though the Mountaineers were silenced by the fighting Tommy Tubervilles. These 2 teams bore me, but I expect the Mountaineers to bounce back at home in a close one. This means they will actually go out and throw up on the field to spite me. Mountaineers
LSU at Texas A&M- A&M is definitely a more competitive addition than Mizzou and their hideous uniforms. A&M is good at home, but I have a difficult time picking against LSU. I will say Les is more.
Michigan State at Michigan-It's a meeting of mediocre and mediocre state. Both of these teams have underwhelmed and the winner will set a couch on fire (yes, that will happen in Morgantown too because nothing says "good times" like burning a sectional." Denard Robinson was supposed to be a Heisman contender but this sentence is as close as he will get to the Heisman. Michigan? I sound confident don't I?
Alabama at TN-There has not been much playing of "Rocky Top" in Knoxville this year, and I doubt the extended dance mix version will be played this weekend either. Poor Derek Dooley had hip surgery and something tells me he is short for the orange world. Perhaps they are making way for Bobby Petrino and his moped? If Bobby isn't available, it sounds like Lance Armstrong may be seeking new opportunities. AJ McCarran and the Tide crack this one open in the 2nd half and roll.
Boston College at GT-Here is the fuzzy Bees chance to save a little face after losing to Middle TN state earlier in the year. You have Boston College coming to town who just lost to Army, who lost to Stony Brook. Riiiiiiiight. GT gets a much needed "W."
Auburn at Vandy-I'm going to wager a guess and say that Gene Chizik feels like he is sitting on a George Foreman grill. If I'm remembering correctly, they beat UL-Monroe in OT and that's all folks.(Subtle shout out to the icon known as Porky Pig). A kind word or two about Auburn. It's a gorgeous campus with some nice peeps. I was there when I was 7 months pregnant with my last son. I was literally overwhelmed with how polite these college kids were. Either I reminded them of their mother or it was the boobs. Couldn't have been the boobs because these kids get plastic surgery for their 16th birthday now. Regardless, I (aka known as Grimace) was treated with kindness. Vandy has looked good in most of their games and the winner is.....Jay Cutler's alma mater.
And my winner, winner chicken dinner game of the week is UGA vs Kentucky. Joker Phillips is probably feeling anything but festive with 1 win under his belt. Something tells me he will be able to have coffee with Derek Dooley soon. UGA is coming off a bye, and I hope the defense stops thinking about how they will be playing with the Bengals next year. May be close in the beginning, but Aaron "Andy" Murray and the Dawgs will get it together. I'm committing to the G on this one. Go Dawgs!
Saturday, October 13, 2012
NFL Picks
After giving everyone a reprieve from my pro picks last week, I feel like I'm ready this week. I'm just thankful that I didn't see the pic allegedly tweeted out of Justin Bieber naked. I just don't like the idea of that image seared in my retinas.Why do celebrities pose in front of a mirror with their i-phone and then, ahem, accidentally tweet out a nude photo? Yes, I know....someone hacked their account and took their phone will they were getting plastic surgery. And what is exactly are the South Carolina Gamecocks wearing? It looks like my 9 year old's pjs. Anyway.....
Oakland at Atlanta-This is my lock of the week. Have you seen the rest of the Falcons schedule? If they don't go AT LEAST 13-3, then they will never have a record like that. The rest of the division is horrible and could be defeated by a team consisting of my 3 kids with my dog at QB. The Raiders are less wacky since the passing of Al Davis and they are also having an even more difficult time coughing up a win. Falcons get a big win before the bye.
Giants vs the 49ers-This should be a great game. That automatically means it will be a blowout since logic indicates this should be a good one. Elmer and Alex Smith aren't even in the same stratosphere as far as QBs go, but Alex Smith is surrounded by a really good team. So is Elmer, but Elmer is the glue of the team. HA! 49ers get the win.
Dallas at Baltimore-It's about time for Dallas to win, right? Maybe not yet. Flacco and the Ravens don't put tons of points on the board, but if Romo tosses a couple of balls Ed Reed's way it could help. I think this is a close one, but I like the Ravens at home.
Indy at the Jets-A girl I used to work with said to me that "you have to admit Andrew Luck is cute." What? I'm not into the Andre the Giant look but he seems like a nice boy. That's all I'm willing to concede. That and Rex Ryan has really nice veneers. When you get paid the big money, you can get the lap band to lose the chub and get some phat teeth. Jets are a disaster, but I expect them to squeak out a W in this game.
Detroit at Philly- A Bulldog I like on each team (Stafford for the Lions and Boykin for the Eagles). The big news this week is that Michael Vick adopted a dog and the name of the dog is Fumbles. How apropos! The Lions have no running game and the secondary is like a colander. Is it me or does DeSean Jackson seem like a whiny biyatch? We are all something I suppose. Eagles
KC at Tampa Bay-This is the game that will be shown to those in solitary confinement. It will be more exciting and less painful to get a root canal with no anesthetic than to watch this debacle. This is very difficult. I like Matt Cassel and his concussion to squeak out a win.
NE at Seattle-I will give Seattle credit. Their defense is nice lead by Irvin who has already done some time. Hopefully for his sake, he stays on the right track. The Patriots rolled up over 6 hundy yards last week (I think it was last week.) I'll take the Brady Bunch.
GB at Houston-GB has looked a bit uneven but I do like the new SF commercial with Aaron Rodgers in the classroom. Houston is undefeated and looks pretty good. However, are they really a Super Bowl contender? Mmmmm. The Packers are desperate and I think they knock of the Texans. This is based on nothing but it's about time for the Texans to lose.
Minnesota at Washington-I know...I know. Everyone says the Vikings are for really and Percy Harbins is 2 legit to quit. Love RG3. This one is very difficult. I'll take the Redskins in a close one.
Buffalo at AZ-This is the backup game to KC at TB to be shown to those worthy of punishment. Cards have a nice D and Buffalo should be excited to leave Buffalo. Cards
I have to do well at least one week....right? XO
Oakland at Atlanta-This is my lock of the week. Have you seen the rest of the Falcons schedule? If they don't go AT LEAST 13-3, then they will never have a record like that. The rest of the division is horrible and could be defeated by a team consisting of my 3 kids with my dog at QB. The Raiders are less wacky since the passing of Al Davis and they are also having an even more difficult time coughing up a win. Falcons get a big win before the bye.
Giants vs the 49ers-This should be a great game. That automatically means it will be a blowout since logic indicates this should be a good one. Elmer and Alex Smith aren't even in the same stratosphere as far as QBs go, but Alex Smith is surrounded by a really good team. So is Elmer, but Elmer is the glue of the team. HA! 49ers get the win.
Dallas at Baltimore-It's about time for Dallas to win, right? Maybe not yet. Flacco and the Ravens don't put tons of points on the board, but if Romo tosses a couple of balls Ed Reed's way it could help. I think this is a close one, but I like the Ravens at home.
Indy at the Jets-A girl I used to work with said to me that "you have to admit Andrew Luck is cute." What? I'm not into the Andre the Giant look but he seems like a nice boy. That's all I'm willing to concede. That and Rex Ryan has really nice veneers. When you get paid the big money, you can get the lap band to lose the chub and get some phat teeth. Jets are a disaster, but I expect them to squeak out a W in this game.
Detroit at Philly- A Bulldog I like on each team (Stafford for the Lions and Boykin for the Eagles). The big news this week is that Michael Vick adopted a dog and the name of the dog is Fumbles. How apropos! The Lions have no running game and the secondary is like a colander. Is it me or does DeSean Jackson seem like a whiny biyatch? We are all something I suppose. Eagles
KC at Tampa Bay-This is the game that will be shown to those in solitary confinement. It will be more exciting and less painful to get a root canal with no anesthetic than to watch this debacle. This is very difficult. I like Matt Cassel and his concussion to squeak out a win.
NE at Seattle-I will give Seattle credit. Their defense is nice lead by Irvin who has already done some time. Hopefully for his sake, he stays on the right track. The Patriots rolled up over 6 hundy yards last week (I think it was last week.) I'll take the Brady Bunch.
GB at Houston-GB has looked a bit uneven but I do like the new SF commercial with Aaron Rodgers in the classroom. Houston is undefeated and looks pretty good. However, are they really a Super Bowl contender? Mmmmm. The Packers are desperate and I think they knock of the Texans. This is based on nothing but it's about time for the Texans to lose.
Minnesota at Washington-I know...I know. Everyone says the Vikings are for really and Percy Harbins is 2 legit to quit. Love RG3. This one is very difficult. I'll take the Redskins in a close one.
Buffalo at AZ-This is the backup game to KC at TB to be shown to those worthy of punishment. Cards have a nice D and Buffalo should be excited to leave Buffalo. Cards
I have to do well at least one week....right? XO
Thursday, October 11, 2012
College Picks and Can a Sweatshirt Cause a Team to Lose?
Yeah, yeah, yeah....I think I missed all but 1 game last week. But I have to confess, sometimes I pick who I want to win and I can no longer do that. Just like eating Skittles when no one sees me...The calories still count. First, let me check to see who is playing. Oh, and as I have the Steelers and Titans on in the background, does anyone else think Big Ben could play the lead in "Big Foot-The Movie?"
Oklahoma vs Texas-This is known as the Red River shootout but I think of it as the game with a giant ferris wheel and players named Colton and Ranger. Oklahoma has already dropped one and Texas lost to West Virginia last week. I'm going to guess Mack Brown & company are a little flat. Sooners
Stanford at Notre Dame- Did you feel that? The earth just moved. No, Mark Mangini didn't just make an entrance but Notre Dame is undefeated and all is right in prognosticator land. The birds are singing and there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow in South Bend. Stanford lost earlier this year to Washington which is perfectly acceptably unacceptable but Huskies are really cute. If Notre Dame wins this one, Reece Davis and Mark May will be required to wear a raincoat and goggles for the remainder of the year because Lou Holtz will be spitting with glee. I'm ready for Notre Dame to lose but I think they squeak past Stanford. Poop.
South Carolina at LSU- Did you see the Gamecocks last week? They laid the smackdown on my Dawgs and I know why. I blame the sweatshirt pictured above.I put this sweatshirt on at kick off and BAM! Aaron Murray channeled Mark Sanchez and the party was over before it got started. The UGA defense looked as if they thought this was flag football. (As you can tell, I have not had rhinoplasty but I'm willing to be some surgeon's Priscilla Presley.) LSU lost to the Gators last week because LSU is missing something. It's called an offense and you need one to score an occasional point. However, I have no idea why I think this, but I think LSU pours the purple drank Saturday night and eek out a victory.
WVU at Texas Tech-This is one thing I am confident about in regards to this game. It should be high scoring and defense will just be a word that people use in a sentence. However, no demonstration will occur. Mountaineers over the Tuberville in a shootout.
Alabama at Mizzou-The hazing of Mizzou in the SEC continues as the Tide come back crisp after an off week. Tide roll....
Tennessee at Mississippi State-Derek Dooley needs a big win. Poor guy looks like he hasn't eaten since 2007. Dan Mullen has very quietly put together a solid poser Bulldog team. The other Bulldogs get a W.
North Carolina at Miami-Mmmmmmm. Canes?
Duke at VT-Wow...Who would have thought that Duke would be one of the most impressive teams in the ACC thus far. Remember, VT lost to Pitt after losing to YOUNGSTOWN ST. And VT lost badly. However, I can't in good conscience at this point in the season pick Duke to win a football game. Hokey Pokey baby!
Wisconsin at Purdue-BORING! It would be more exciting to watch someone sneeze. The last time Purdue was good a guy with the last name Brees played. Badgers
Oregon St at BYU-Oregon State is ranked number 10? Really? The pollsters have been hitting the vodka. Well this week the Beavers take on guys old enough to be their fathers. I'm kidding. BYU in an upset.
I should be watching the debate so I can be an informed citizen, right? I am informed. UGA has a bye and Demi Moore is sad about Ashton and Mila. You know politics and religion are not discussed on my blog. Happy birthday to Bo the first dog! I leave you with the only Peter Gabriel song I like....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fF8wU4Nl9Y Remember when he dated Rosanna Arquette?
XO
Oklahoma vs Texas-This is known as the Red River shootout but I think of it as the game with a giant ferris wheel and players named Colton and Ranger. Oklahoma has already dropped one and Texas lost to West Virginia last week. I'm going to guess Mack Brown & company are a little flat. Sooners
Stanford at Notre Dame- Did you feel that? The earth just moved. No, Mark Mangini didn't just make an entrance but Notre Dame is undefeated and all is right in prognosticator land. The birds are singing and there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow in South Bend. Stanford lost earlier this year to Washington which is perfectly acceptably unacceptable but Huskies are really cute. If Notre Dame wins this one, Reece Davis and Mark May will be required to wear a raincoat and goggles for the remainder of the year because Lou Holtz will be spitting with glee. I'm ready for Notre Dame to lose but I think they squeak past Stanford. Poop.
WVU at Texas Tech-This is one thing I am confident about in regards to this game. It should be high scoring and defense will just be a word that people use in a sentence. However, no demonstration will occur. Mountaineers over the Tuberville in a shootout.
Alabama at Mizzou-The hazing of Mizzou in the SEC continues as the Tide come back crisp after an off week. Tide roll....
Tennessee at Mississippi State-Derek Dooley needs a big win. Poor guy looks like he hasn't eaten since 2007. Dan Mullen has very quietly put together a solid poser Bulldog team. The other Bulldogs get a W.
North Carolina at Miami-Mmmmmmm. Canes?
Duke at VT-Wow...Who would have thought that Duke would be one of the most impressive teams in the ACC thus far. Remember, VT lost to Pitt after losing to YOUNGSTOWN ST. And VT lost badly. However, I can't in good conscience at this point in the season pick Duke to win a football game. Hokey Pokey baby!
Wisconsin at Purdue-BORING! It would be more exciting to watch someone sneeze. The last time Purdue was good a guy with the last name Brees played. Badgers
Oregon St at BYU-Oregon State is ranked number 10? Really? The pollsters have been hitting the vodka. Well this week the Beavers take on guys old enough to be their fathers. I'm kidding. BYU in an upset.
I should be watching the debate so I can be an informed citizen, right? I am informed. UGA has a bye and Demi Moore is sad about Ashton and Mila. You know politics and religion are not discussed on my blog. Happy birthday to Bo the first dog! I leave you with the only Peter Gabriel song I like....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fF8wU4Nl9Y Remember when he dated Rosanna Arquette?
XO
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
I was this close to being on an episode of Judge Mathis...
Since I did such a horrific job of picking college games last week, I decided to spare everyone my wisdom when it came to the professionals. Actually, I was lazy and didn't crack out the laptop. But I will be back, better or perhaps worse than ever this week. Swagger wagon. Or maybe it's more station wagon.
I had an interesting phone call last week. All names and locations have been changed to protect the identities of the innocent. It played out something like this after I answered the phone...
Me: "Hello"
OP: (other person)-"Ms. Bale?"
Me:"Yes"
OP: "This is Officer Bucky Longtooth with the Sheriff's department."
Me: "Really?Hi Officer Longtooth." (enough with the quotation marks-I once again throw grammatical accuracy to the wind.)
OP: Yes ma'am (I hate being called ma'am. I would rather be called sir.) I am calling regarding an investigation of an incident at Cow Dung Car Wash.
My brain: Oh, I remember that place. It was my first and last time there. It was such a cluster that I'm sure someone took a swing at someone at said establishment and they are looking for witnesses.
Me: Okay. Yes, I remember that. It was really busy.
OP: Ma'am, they don't want to press charges..
Me: What? Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you talking about? (WTF???Should I tell him I used to get the good citizen award and that I feel uncomfortable when people jaywalk?)
OP: Yes, ma'am they don't want to press charges against you so I am calling to see if we can resolve.
*****I have no idea what this man is talking about. I assume they have me confused with someone else because I was there for an oil change and a car wash that took the equivalent of the gestational period of an elephant. Did I accidentally hit someone and not realize it? I don't suffer from narcolepsy so I assume this must all be a mistake.*******
Me: Press charges? Is this a joke? I have no clue what you are talking about but I did swear that I would never go back. (Is there a camera around? Am I going to be on some show? If so, I would have straightened my hair and worn a different bra. Just saying)
OP: Ma,am, they claim you didn't pay for the car wash.
Me:What? No, I did pay and I will pull up my account and show you. (What? Are they accusing me of theft? Shoplifting? Larceny?)
OP: No ma'am. They claim you didn't pay for part of the service and that you drove off. You owe them an additional $22.20.
****At this point, I look exactly like Linda Blair in "The Exorcist" minus the green snot with my head spinning around*********
My brain: Is this a joke? I am being accused of a crime because some business has an inept staff. 99% of the time I would have looked at the invoice and double checked but I was so tired of being there (with my 7 yr old) in a room that smelled like dirty socks dipped in sewage that I just signed and wrote in a tip. Meanwhile, I'm quite positive convicted felons were swiping people's identities, stealing hubcaps and Mars bars from the vending machine, shoving their pockets with the Splenda packets next to the coffee pot while alleged shenanigans were going on. I felt like Lt. Caffey when he asked Col Jessep if he ordered the Code Red.Yes, Cow Dung Car Wash. You can't handle the truth.
Me: WHAT? DROVE OFF? Horse caca! There is no way I could have driven off because it was so busy and I PAID. I can't help it if they have an incompetent staff. Does this happen frequently?
Apparently, it does. Now I am sure some people try to pull a fast one on them, but NOT ME. So again, we are back to input issues.
Anyway, I pulled up my bank account and realized I was only charged for part of the service. So I asked Officer Longtooth how I could resolve this matter, and he said I could go by and pay the bill. Yeah, I would rather drink a cup of Drano. So he gave me the number to Cow Dung Car Wash and the name of the dumb (insert noun) to call to rectify the matter. Maybe I should skip this and contact Nancy Grace or Judge Mathis? Hello, Nancy would totally have me convicted of this and blame me for the national deficit. Yes, I realize that 3 weeks after this event that I didn't pay the full amount, but I wasn't running the cash register but it was my fault for not checking the bill. For the record, I'm so not a jail person. Remember, I'm super nerdy. Orange is a bad color for me and I'm not into neck tattoos.
I call and get someone we will call Corvette. I ask to speak to Mouthbreather the Manager. She's not available and you will have to call back. No, Corvette. I won't call back as you will get her now. Perhaps my tone indicated that I meant business.
Mouthbreather the Manager: I don't think you did this intentionally.
Me: No, I didn't. You told me how much it cost and I gave you the card. Shame on me for not double checking what I was charged but you falsely accused me of committing a crime. You know it was impossible for me to "drive off" as I gave them the ticket for the services.
Mouthbreather the Manager: Perhaps we made an error. I hope you will come back and I am taking an extra $5 off.
Me: Laughter....Are you serious? Not only am I not coming back, but I am telling everyone I know how crazy this place is and this asinine story. Thanks and best of luck.
The lesson learned from this is to frequent businesses that you like, Also, Officer Longtooth was very nice. It wasn't his fault he was assigned to this task while murderers and dangerous criminals roam the earth.
I leave you with The Clash http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBeT4ptY9sY
I had an interesting phone call last week. All names and locations have been changed to protect the identities of the innocent. It played out something like this after I answered the phone...
Me: "Hello"
OP: (other person)-"Ms. Bale?"
Me:"Yes"
OP: "This is Officer Bucky Longtooth with the Sheriff's department."
Me: "Really?Hi Officer Longtooth." (enough with the quotation marks-I once again throw grammatical accuracy to the wind.)
OP: Yes ma'am (I hate being called ma'am. I would rather be called sir.) I am calling regarding an investigation of an incident at Cow Dung Car Wash.
My brain: Oh, I remember that place. It was my first and last time there. It was such a cluster that I'm sure someone took a swing at someone at said establishment and they are looking for witnesses.
Me: Okay. Yes, I remember that. It was really busy.
OP: Ma'am, they don't want to press charges..
Me: What? Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you talking about? (WTF???Should I tell him I used to get the good citizen award and that I feel uncomfortable when people jaywalk?)
OP: Yes, ma'am they don't want to press charges against you so I am calling to see if we can resolve.
*****I have no idea what this man is talking about. I assume they have me confused with someone else because I was there for an oil change and a car wash that took the equivalent of the gestational period of an elephant. Did I accidentally hit someone and not realize it? I don't suffer from narcolepsy so I assume this must all be a mistake.*******
Me: Press charges? Is this a joke? I have no clue what you are talking about but I did swear that I would never go back. (Is there a camera around? Am I going to be on some show? If so, I would have straightened my hair and worn a different bra. Just saying)
OP: Ma,am, they claim you didn't pay for the car wash.
Me:What? No, I did pay and I will pull up my account and show you. (What? Are they accusing me of theft? Shoplifting? Larceny?)
OP: No ma'am. They claim you didn't pay for part of the service and that you drove off. You owe them an additional $22.20.
****At this point, I look exactly like Linda Blair in "The Exorcist" minus the green snot with my head spinning around*********
My brain: Is this a joke? I am being accused of a crime because some business has an inept staff. 99% of the time I would have looked at the invoice and double checked but I was so tired of being there (with my 7 yr old) in a room that smelled like dirty socks dipped in sewage that I just signed and wrote in a tip. Meanwhile, I'm quite positive convicted felons were swiping people's identities, stealing hubcaps and Mars bars from the vending machine, shoving their pockets with the Splenda packets next to the coffee pot while alleged shenanigans were going on. I felt like Lt. Caffey when he asked Col Jessep if he ordered the Code Red.Yes, Cow Dung Car Wash. You can't handle the truth.
Me: WHAT? DROVE OFF? Horse caca! There is no way I could have driven off because it was so busy and I PAID. I can't help it if they have an incompetent staff. Does this happen frequently?
Apparently, it does. Now I am sure some people try to pull a fast one on them, but NOT ME. So again, we are back to input issues.
Anyway, I pulled up my bank account and realized I was only charged for part of the service. So I asked Officer Longtooth how I could resolve this matter, and he said I could go by and pay the bill. Yeah, I would rather drink a cup of Drano. So he gave me the number to Cow Dung Car Wash and the name of the dumb (insert noun) to call to rectify the matter. Maybe I should skip this and contact Nancy Grace or Judge Mathis? Hello, Nancy would totally have me convicted of this and blame me for the national deficit. Yes, I realize that 3 weeks after this event that I didn't pay the full amount, but I wasn't running the cash register but it was my fault for not checking the bill. For the record, I'm so not a jail person. Remember, I'm super nerdy. Orange is a bad color for me and I'm not into neck tattoos.
I call and get someone we will call Corvette. I ask to speak to Mouthbreather the Manager. She's not available and you will have to call back. No, Corvette. I won't call back as you will get her now. Perhaps my tone indicated that I meant business.
Mouthbreather the Manager: I don't think you did this intentionally.
Me: No, I didn't. You told me how much it cost and I gave you the card. Shame on me for not double checking what I was charged but you falsely accused me of committing a crime. You know it was impossible for me to "drive off" as I gave them the ticket for the services.
Mouthbreather the Manager: Perhaps we made an error. I hope you will come back and I am taking an extra $5 off.
Me: Laughter....Are you serious? Not only am I not coming back, but I am telling everyone I know how crazy this place is and this asinine story. Thanks and best of luck.
The lesson learned from this is to frequent businesses that you like, Also, Officer Longtooth was very nice. It wasn't his fault he was assigned to this task while murderers and dangerous criminals roam the earth.
I leave you with The Clash http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBeT4ptY9sY
Thursday, October 4, 2012
College Picks
I would like to preface this blog by saying my next blog will discuss how a law abiding citizen was wrongfully accused of something. It wasn't major like grand theft auto or anything scandalous, but it made me furious....And you know anger makes wrinkles, so I must turn that frown upside down.
On a happier note, I only missed one college pick last week. Holla! This week has some good matchups, so without further adieu, let's see what's behind door number 3.
LSU vs Florida-Bayou Bengals vs Gators sounds like something one would expect to see on National Geographic, huh? Some experts think LSU must not be that great if they aren't hanging 75 on Towson, while Florida has been in some close games. Zack Metternberger looks like Will Ferrell in "Anchor Man" to me which is not necessarily a positive. This game will be in the swamp and Florida fans will be in their jorts while the LSU fans will hold up signs with misspellings. Crazy. Let me use that in a sentence. Crazy Les Miles is a winner. This will be close but I take the purple drank and the Tigers.
West VA at Texas-I watched some of that WVU vs Baylor game last week and I thought it was never going to end. It was like the "War and Peace" version of college football and that's what happens with no D. Texas rallied to beat the Cowboys. The QB for the Mountaineers, Geno Atkins (think that is the name), is a Heisman frontrunner throwing for more touchdowns per game than interceptions Tony Romo threw against the Bears. Bada bing! Hmmmm. Probably won't watch any of this so I will take Texas in an upset.
Nebraska at OSU-Those Buckeye are taking their punishment courtesy of Tressel-gate, and Urban Meyer is a great coach (HORRIBLE commentator though). Nebraska is boring and unless they are selling a triple layer red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting with diced pecans, I'm not buying. I like the Buckeyes at the shoe.
Miami at Notre Dame-ALERT*****If Notre Dame wins, the BCS will probably go ahead an reserve their spot in the BCS Championship game. Seriously. Too bad they would lose by at least 50 whoever they play. Miami looks like they are in a better groove, but again, this is the ACC. I mean did GT think they were going to lose to Middle TN State by 3 touchdowns? A-C-C and just ad "K" at the end to give you the Charlie Brown 'Ack." Okay. I threw a 'C" out for one of these teams to use as a flotation device. This is difficult, but I'll take the upset and go with the Canes....Whenever, I pick either of these teams, they lose, so it I did paper, rock, scissors to get this answer.
GT vs Clemson-Speaking of epic and colossal let downs, see the story of GT above. Now, following the MTS debacle, one would expect GT to lose by 50 at Death Valley, right? Again, this is the ACC and it doesn't work that way. Taj Boyd is good and Clemson has talent, but I never buy them,. However, I do like the Tigers to get the "W."
Washington at Oregon-Two of my favorite mascots. I heart huskies, although they have a high prey drive and can't be trusted with a duck. However, I think the Ducks are safe. I know Washington beat Stanford, but I'm not sure what that really means. The Huskies will try to ruffle the Ducks' feathers but they will see no dip with these Quakers. Donald and Daisy with the win.
****GAME of the WEEK*****
UGA vs South Carolina-It's the yearly game against Darth Visor and its number 5 vs number 6. So, I was watching the UGA-Tenn game last week and the Dawgs were up by 3 scores. I decided to let my 2 yr old watch Mickey Mouse. When the show ended a mere 22 minutes later, the DAWGS were behind by 3. What? How did this happen? Did Pete do this with his magic beans or was it Minnie with one of the mouskatools. GA has a nice offense, but Aaron Murray needs to stop watching tape on Mark Sanchez and try to avoid picks and turnovers. This is going to be a nail biter (I think) and I'm not sure about the Georgia D (love Jarvis Jones), but I have to be optimistic. Go Dawgs!
On a happier note, I only missed one college pick last week. Holla! This week has some good matchups, so without further adieu, let's see what's behind door number 3.
LSU vs Florida-Bayou Bengals vs Gators sounds like something one would expect to see on National Geographic, huh? Some experts think LSU must not be that great if they aren't hanging 75 on Towson, while Florida has been in some close games. Zack Metternberger looks like Will Ferrell in "Anchor Man" to me which is not necessarily a positive. This game will be in the swamp and Florida fans will be in their jorts while the LSU fans will hold up signs with misspellings. Crazy. Let me use that in a sentence. Crazy Les Miles is a winner. This will be close but I take the purple drank and the Tigers.
West VA at Texas-I watched some of that WVU vs Baylor game last week and I thought it was never going to end. It was like the "War and Peace" version of college football and that's what happens with no D. Texas rallied to beat the Cowboys. The QB for the Mountaineers, Geno Atkins (think that is the name), is a Heisman frontrunner throwing for more touchdowns per game than interceptions Tony Romo threw against the Bears. Bada bing! Hmmmm. Probably won't watch any of this so I will take Texas in an upset.
Nebraska at OSU-Those Buckeye are taking their punishment courtesy of Tressel-gate, and Urban Meyer is a great coach (HORRIBLE commentator though). Nebraska is boring and unless they are selling a triple layer red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting with diced pecans, I'm not buying. I like the Buckeyes at the shoe.
Miami at Notre Dame-ALERT*****If Notre Dame wins, the BCS will probably go ahead an reserve their spot in the BCS Championship game. Seriously. Too bad they would lose by at least 50 whoever they play. Miami looks like they are in a better groove, but again, this is the ACC. I mean did GT think they were going to lose to Middle TN State by 3 touchdowns? A-C-C and just ad "K" at the end to give you the Charlie Brown 'Ack." Okay. I threw a 'C" out for one of these teams to use as a flotation device. This is difficult, but I'll take the upset and go with the Canes....Whenever, I pick either of these teams, they lose, so it I did paper, rock, scissors to get this answer.
GT vs Clemson-Speaking of epic and colossal let downs, see the story of GT above. Now, following the MTS debacle, one would expect GT to lose by 50 at Death Valley, right? Again, this is the ACC and it doesn't work that way. Taj Boyd is good and Clemson has talent, but I never buy them,. However, I do like the Tigers to get the "W."
Washington at Oregon-Two of my favorite mascots. I heart huskies, although they have a high prey drive and can't be trusted with a duck. However, I think the Ducks are safe. I know Washington beat Stanford, but I'm not sure what that really means. The Huskies will try to ruffle the Ducks' feathers but they will see no dip with these Quakers. Donald and Daisy with the win.
****GAME of the WEEK*****
UGA vs South Carolina-It's the yearly game against Darth Visor and its number 5 vs number 6. So, I was watching the UGA-Tenn game last week and the Dawgs were up by 3 scores. I decided to let my 2 yr old watch Mickey Mouse. When the show ended a mere 22 minutes later, the DAWGS were behind by 3. What? How did this happen? Did Pete do this with his magic beans or was it Minnie with one of the mouskatools. GA has a nice offense, but Aaron Murray needs to stop watching tape on Mark Sanchez and try to avoid picks and turnovers. This is going to be a nail biter (I think) and I'm not sure about the Georgia D (love Jarvis Jones), but I have to be optimistic. Go Dawgs!
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