First, I must start off by saying I was listening to a nameless sports radio station yesterday and they stated that people who blog at midnight are pathetic losers. Well, it's 12:30 am and I am blogging so I guess I fit in that category. However, I always hope that I am a witty, entertaining, pathetic loser.....Yes, Beck should have included a better description of a loser, baby!
Friends are important. Some friends have been in your life since kindergarten. Some you have had since college. Then you make new friends at work because work friends see you differently! There are people you know that no matter how long you have gone without seeing them, you instantly feel that connection when you chat with them again. We can thank the good peeps of technology for that and give a special shoutout to FB, who allows us to like people, comments, and photos we would not have "liked" before. Sadly, most of my connections with friends are done via text, skype, chat, or email. I can honestly say I am a proficient texter and gladly challenge my 16 niece to a text race. However, this is not the kind of friend we are discussing at this point.
For example, I was at the airport a while back and passed an older lady with a long stream of toilet tissue sticking out of her pants. It's better than having a giant poop stain on your butt, but it was an eyesore. She was very well dressed, yet no one had the courtesy to say, "hey, you have tp stuck to your a$$." But I felt it was imperative to tell her that she did. I tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't mean to embarass you, but you have toilet tissue hanging out of your pants. It could happen to anyone." She was shocked..Not because she had toilet paper stuck to her pants, but because I told her. She thanked me profusely and went on her merry way. See...I thought I was being a friend.
My two older kids loved going to the Waffle House as a special treat. I was pregnant with my 3rd son, and like clockwork, everyone had to go to the restroom when food was served. When we went in the restroom, and voila! There was a set of teeth on the sink. My kids were 6 and 4 at the time and had a long series of questions as to why teeth were on the toilet. This was followed by, "Can we try them on?" No, this is not part of a Count Dracula costume. We walked back to our table and told our server that someone was missing the toothy part of their grin. Her response? Oh, those are Vanessa's and she always does that. Vanessa forgets her teeth? I guess she would be the example of someone forgetting her head if it wasn't attached to her . Still, Vanessa graciously came over to thank us and entertained many questions from the kids about the perils of misplacing your teeth. Again, an example of teaching the goblins to be a good friend and not be shy about speaking up!
And we all know that a real friend will tell you that dress isn't chartreuse but rather bile colored and makes you look like you have jaundice. They will tell their friend to ease up on pounding the cocktails and that their judgement is impaired. Yeah, he isn't talking to Heidi Klum but rather he will want to go "hidey" when he sees her the next day. A good friend will not feed you a garbage line like he/she is afraid of being hurt. What? Are you playing with knives? Eating fire? I think not. And a friend will say that unfortunately it is you and not the other person. You are fabulous, but the other person is either holding out for someone they view as better,richer,prettier, smarter, etc....
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Summer Vacation...Really?
I like the term summer vacation. I have not had one but I certainly like the concept. As I stated earlier, I am working my booty off...scratch that..I just checked and my booty is still very much there. Sigh.
So, my older 2 kids decided to spend some time with my parents. Admittedly, I don't have much in common with my parents as we are just different people. However, the kids like having my mother cook several meals a day for them. Me? I tell them the fruit is on the counter and I will make them a PB& J in a minute. I don't deep fry the PB&J and slather it with Nutella, but that is a recipe Paula Deen could get behind. She could call it the European Elvis sandwich if a banana was added.
When I picked up the kids this weekend, I couldn't help but notice how they frolicked in the 100 plus degree heat under a scorching sun. If I suggested being outside shade free at home, they would have told me I was crazy. The week had been a huge success because there was a trip to Putt Putt and they discovered country fried steak. One thing remained the same..my mother still starts talking about me before I leave the room. I just tell her to "please hold off saying things about me until I leave the room." This is an entirely different, albeit hilarious blog post, but I am not going there-yet.
So, summer is half way over. I remember when I was a kid I couldn't wait for summer so I could sleep later and do things on my own time. My kids? They certainly don't sleep later and if you mean not listening to me then they still do things on their own time. But they are funny, so I will keep them!
So, my older 2 kids decided to spend some time with my parents. Admittedly, I don't have much in common with my parents as we are just different people. However, the kids like having my mother cook several meals a day for them. Me? I tell them the fruit is on the counter and I will make them a PB& J in a minute. I don't deep fry the PB&J and slather it with Nutella, but that is a recipe Paula Deen could get behind. She could call it the European Elvis sandwich if a banana was added.
When I picked up the kids this weekend, I couldn't help but notice how they frolicked in the 100 plus degree heat under a scorching sun. If I suggested being outside shade free at home, they would have told me I was crazy. The week had been a huge success because there was a trip to Putt Putt and they discovered country fried steak. One thing remained the same..my mother still starts talking about me before I leave the room. I just tell her to "please hold off saying things about me until I leave the room." This is an entirely different, albeit hilarious blog post, but I am not going there-yet.
So, summer is half way over. I remember when I was a kid I couldn't wait for summer so I could sleep later and do things on my own time. My kids? They certainly don't sleep later and if you mean not listening to me then they still do things on their own time. But they are funny, so I will keep them!
Thursday, June 23, 2011
I Get Delirious
I may write something crazy but this is so cathartic for me. I hate stress...I really do. Right now I am very stressed and I won't get into that. However, I can tell you that it does not agree with me.I would love a hot stone massage, but I think it might be more relaxing if I am buried under the hot rocks for a few hours. My first instinct is to eat something totally sinful but unless Annie's fruit snacks are sinful, I'm completely out of luck at this time. I was on the phone earlier with a friend and was living vicariously through her as she ordered a blizzard at that blissful oasis known as DQ. Fortunately I was slightly prepared for a breakdown. I could see one coming. You see, I purchased 2 tubes of muffin glaze last week and the likelihood of me making muffins was nonexistent. Muffin glaze actually mixes in nicely with the yoplait yogurt. It's not Nutella, but will suffice in a time of crisis.
So I was thinking the other day about how we evolve into our identity and the looks we go through on our journey through life. When I took the baby to the sitter's this morning, I was met by 3 year old Alex. Alex was wearing a scuba mask, monkey t-shirt, no pants, and flippers. Apparently he was potty training and pants are a nuisance when you are potty training. But he looked so cute and funny! Obviously that look cannot be worn out in public as a grown up unless you dream of being put in a straight jacket and eating bologna sandwiches while counting the bars in your cell. But when you are 3, it has a sort of laissez faire charm to it!
When I was a kid, friendship pins on your Asahi's(not beer-that was later) tennis shoes and Chic jeans were hot. During my teen years, well....it was the 80s and it was an unfortunate time for fashion. Neon, acid wash, and bad hair reigned supreme. I remember I went to high school with this girl J and she had GINORMOUS hair. It was literally so big, that she had to turn her head to get in the door of Algebra class. And we thought it was fabulous because she had such big hair. I'm sure she owned stock in Aqua Net. The guys? Eh, they put Sun In in the hair for an edgy, beachy look. Really it just made your hair rust colored. They also got perms. Who knew Lilt had so such a following with teenage boys. Thankfully, those makeover shows weren't around or they would have been staging interventions at high schools across America.
College? Everyone was trying to "find" themselves. That time consisted of Umbros (everyone was channeling their inner David Beckham before Becks was known), rompers (which should never be worn by anyone past the age of 7 regardless of what Vogue suggests), and guys wore Duckheads with a beer stained shirt that was a bit too short so their ass crack showed. Hot all around!
I remember in my early 20's I was this tiny, tiny person and I wore oversized guy's jeans and big flannel shirts. Because flannel was so Seattle and alternative. Or as my then boyfriend used to say , "why are you wearing big men's clothes?" I think I was trying to hide. But then a couple of years later, I went to the opposite extreme. I dressed like JLO and I wished someone would have stopped me!!!. I am embarrassed to admit that I had a friend who was trying to find me at an extremely busy restaurant. Whatever way she described me, the manager took her straight to me.Sadly, that happened more than once.
That adage "you can't judge a book by it's cover" is cliched, but true. We didn't have much $ when I was a kid, so sometimes people made fun of what I wore. It was just this rotation of 5 or 6 shirts and 2 pairs of pants. So,I always thought as I got older what I wore said so much about me. But looking back, I don't know if your clothes speak volumes about you as a human being. They are just clothes. Granted, you don't want to got to the grocery store in your PJs because I promise that will be the day you run into someone you haven't seen in years. But I acknowledge loungewear was an incredible invention. You are still you regardless of what you where, but people may view you differently. Until next time...
So I was thinking the other day about how we evolve into our identity and the looks we go through on our journey through life. When I took the baby to the sitter's this morning, I was met by 3 year old Alex. Alex was wearing a scuba mask, monkey t-shirt, no pants, and flippers. Apparently he was potty training and pants are a nuisance when you are potty training. But he looked so cute and funny! Obviously that look cannot be worn out in public as a grown up unless you dream of being put in a straight jacket and eating bologna sandwiches while counting the bars in your cell. But when you are 3, it has a sort of laissez faire charm to it!
When I was a kid, friendship pins on your Asahi's(not beer-that was later) tennis shoes and Chic jeans were hot. During my teen years, well....it was the 80s and it was an unfortunate time for fashion. Neon, acid wash, and bad hair reigned supreme. I remember I went to high school with this girl J and she had GINORMOUS hair. It was literally so big, that she had to turn her head to get in the door of Algebra class. And we thought it was fabulous because she had such big hair. I'm sure she owned stock in Aqua Net. The guys? Eh, they put Sun In in the hair for an edgy, beachy look. Really it just made your hair rust colored. They also got perms. Who knew Lilt had so such a following with teenage boys. Thankfully, those makeover shows weren't around or they would have been staging interventions at high schools across America.
College? Everyone was trying to "find" themselves. That time consisted of Umbros (everyone was channeling their inner David Beckham before Becks was known), rompers (which should never be worn by anyone past the age of 7 regardless of what Vogue suggests), and guys wore Duckheads with a beer stained shirt that was a bit too short so their ass crack showed. Hot all around!
I remember in my early 20's I was this tiny, tiny person and I wore oversized guy's jeans and big flannel shirts. Because flannel was so Seattle and alternative. Or as my then boyfriend used to say , "why are you wearing big men's clothes?" I think I was trying to hide. But then a couple of years later, I went to the opposite extreme. I dressed like JLO and I wished someone would have stopped me!!!. I am embarrassed to admit that I had a friend who was trying to find me at an extremely busy restaurant. Whatever way she described me, the manager took her straight to me.Sadly, that happened more than once.
That adage "you can't judge a book by it's cover" is cliched, but true. We didn't have much $ when I was a kid, so sometimes people made fun of what I wore. It was just this rotation of 5 or 6 shirts and 2 pairs of pants. So,I always thought as I got older what I wore said so much about me. But looking back, I don't know if your clothes speak volumes about you as a human being. They are just clothes. Granted, you don't want to got to the grocery store in your PJs because I promise that will be the day you run into someone you haven't seen in years. But I acknowledge loungewear was an incredible invention. You are still you regardless of what you where, but people may view you differently. Until next time...
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Are we ourselves?-yes that was a classic by The Fixx
First, I should say that I hope I don't sound like one of those guests on The Maury Show on this blog. You know, those people who air their dirty laundry. I have a clear view to the laundry room at this immediate moment and it IS starting to stack up as I speak!. This is an outlet for me to channel some of my crazy thoughts and pontificate on other topics that interest me. Yeah, I used pontificate. 2nd, I noticed on Twitter that I am following Chris Mortenson, Marcellus Wylie, AND Colin Cowherd and they are not following me. What??? They are missing out on the profound topics I cover on this blog. Regardless, if they jump on board and read I want to tell all 3 of them, "I heart you." If ESPN needs me, I'm there in a hot second. I will elaborate more on that in a later post.
I was scanning my driver's license the other day and discovered some inaccuracies. My height and weight being 2 of them, but my birth date was on the money. Which leads me to the question..where has the time gone? How did I become a grown up? My first driver's license had a giant mistake...my name was spelled Tata. Yes, Tata. It was an incredible ordeal to get it corrected to Tara, and at the time that seemed like such an "adult" situation to handle.
There was the quarter of college when my student loan did not come in time. I had 2 jobs, but had to get a 3rd quickly. So, I got a job at an establishment where I wore a kerchief on my head and a polyester shirt with an unfortunate paisley tie, but I made some $$$$ quickly.
Later the story of all stories occurred. It was positively mortifying at the time, but I thought the way I handled it would be an indicator that I was reaching adulthood. I am not going to share the events of this story, but I will offer this. If you are ever in the grips of despair and think that nothing could make you laugh, call or skype me. I am so confident that you will laugh so hard you cry, that I am offering a money back guarantee. I have told the story to a handful of people and the 2 that were driving when I shared, had to pull of the road. Is this anti-climactic?
Then I thought I had found the "one." That was certainly adult of me. However, I wondered even then if there is really just a single "one". Does fate really exist? The universe is rather substantial so had I really come across that person? People compared us to Dharma & Greg and like that show, we too were canceled. But at the end of that, I certainly felt I had to be an adult.
Then I had my first son. This meant I was responsible for another person. Talk about a freaking overwhelming feeling! I loved kids but did not have much experience with babies. I knew they pooped, cried and didn't sleep. Or maybe it was the mom that didn't sleep and cried? Anyway, certainly I was a grown up at that point. Right?
Now I can look back and say I have been an "adult" for a long, long time. At least from a responsibility and age perspective. But the joys of doing things like a kid-I love it!. I like the way grass feels on barefeet. I like to pick a dandelion and make a wish. I like to look for 4 leaf clovers with my kids. I love the way the ocean smells. I sing in the shower and in the car, because I sound much better in both. I love the smell of coconut. I can't resist getting an ICEE every now and then. I'm not afraid to be silly. Because age really is just a number. It's just a number that is going up!
I was scanning my driver's license the other day and discovered some inaccuracies. My height and weight being 2 of them, but my birth date was on the money. Which leads me to the question..where has the time gone? How did I become a grown up? My first driver's license had a giant mistake...my name was spelled Tata. Yes, Tata. It was an incredible ordeal to get it corrected to Tara, and at the time that seemed like such an "adult" situation to handle.
There was the quarter of college when my student loan did not come in time. I had 2 jobs, but had to get a 3rd quickly. So, I got a job at an establishment where I wore a kerchief on my head and a polyester shirt with an unfortunate paisley tie, but I made some $$$$ quickly.
Later the story of all stories occurred. It was positively mortifying at the time, but I thought the way I handled it would be an indicator that I was reaching adulthood. I am not going to share the events of this story, but I will offer this. If you are ever in the grips of despair and think that nothing could make you laugh, call or skype me. I am so confident that you will laugh so hard you cry, that I am offering a money back guarantee. I have told the story to a handful of people and the 2 that were driving when I shared, had to pull of the road. Is this anti-climactic?
Then I thought I had found the "one." That was certainly adult of me. However, I wondered even then if there is really just a single "one". Does fate really exist? The universe is rather substantial so had I really come across that person? People compared us to Dharma & Greg and like that show, we too were canceled. But at the end of that, I certainly felt I had to be an adult.
Then I had my first son. This meant I was responsible for another person. Talk about a freaking overwhelming feeling! I loved kids but did not have much experience with babies. I knew they pooped, cried and didn't sleep. Or maybe it was the mom that didn't sleep and cried? Anyway, certainly I was a grown up at that point. Right?
Now I can look back and say I have been an "adult" for a long, long time. At least from a responsibility and age perspective. But the joys of doing things like a kid-I love it!. I like the way grass feels on barefeet. I like to pick a dandelion and make a wish. I like to look for 4 leaf clovers with my kids. I love the way the ocean smells. I sing in the shower and in the car, because I sound much better in both. I love the smell of coconut. I can't resist getting an ICEE every now and then. I'm not afraid to be silly. Because age really is just a number. It's just a number that is going up!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Jealousy .........A wasted emotion
I really need to do a better job updating this blog. I mean, I have millions of fans around the world who hang on every word I say...I kid! Have you ever experienced that awful emotion known as jealousy? The babysitter and her boyfriend are always monitoring each other's talks, texts, etc. Talk about a complete time drain! Granted they are only 18, but I know some adults who incessantly worry about who their SO texts, emails, chats with, etc. People will do what they do. You cannot control what happens. If it is going to happen you can't stop it. Maybe I should get those last 3 sentences on a t-shirt? I suppose jealousy is a perfectly natural emotion but it certainly seems like the ultimate waste of time and energy. However, I admit I have been jealous a few times in my life.
Let's see....Once in 1997 while visiting New Smyrna Beach. I distinctly remember feeling like a bird crapped on my head when I saw my friend Sloane in a bikini. Damn her! I may have been working out, but I felt exactly like Natalie from Facts of Life did when she was standing next to Blair. In addition to being a 15 on a scale from 1-10, she is an exceptional human being with a huge heart. At that time, I made a mental note to have another cocktail or 10 and try to forget/numb the pain that I was on the beach next to perfection. Now, I can just acknowledge that she is gorgeous and wonderful and know that she has a bad hair day every now and then. We all have to console ourselves from time to time.
Oh, and then there was that time we did the Star Wars parade in 4th or 5th grade. You see, I wanted to be Princess Leia because I had long hair, but somehow Laura B. got to be Princess Leia and I had to be the freaky gold creature, C3P0. This was totally and completely unfair because she had short hair. However, this was just one of many life lessons that led me to truly understand that life is not fair. If you are reading Laura you were a fabulous Princess Leia, and the C3P0 costume I was relegated to wearing was exceptionally uncomfortable in the south GA heat and snug in the thighs. I should have just volunteered to be Chewbacca and called it a day. I had the hair for it.
Yes, and I did feel jealousy in college . I had the biggest crush on this guy I will call Cam. And Cam knew I had a ginormous crush on him even thought I thought I hid it well. (We always think we are covert in college when we really were SO obvious.Or maybe I was just obvious) I was absolutely devastated when he was dating Heather, then Debra, then well ...the point is he wasn't dating moi. Really. I was so jealous of Heather with her asymmetrical haircut and her MC Hammer pants. She was too legit to quit. How did she score him?
Now I haven't felt jealousy in years. I occasionally think I should be envious of the super achieving, perfect people but I can't do it. I can't muster the energy. You know exactly who I am referring to- those people who are incredibly talented , brilliant, kind, and gorgeous. They somehow manage to juggle a career at the UN in between developing a vaccine for cancer in their basement while working with homeless. I just acknowledge that they are fantastic human beings because it's just crazy to be jealous. They are wonderful! They are perfect! I am the first person to say how fabulous they are. They pee and breath air just like everyone else...And at least some of them have a zit or a cavity every now and then. I guess that is karma just letting you know there is balance in the world.
Let's see....Once in 1997 while visiting New Smyrna Beach. I distinctly remember feeling like a bird crapped on my head when I saw my friend Sloane in a bikini. Damn her! I may have been working out, but I felt exactly like Natalie from Facts of Life did when she was standing next to Blair. In addition to being a 15 on a scale from 1-10, she is an exceptional human being with a huge heart. At that time, I made a mental note to have another cocktail or 10 and try to forget/numb the pain that I was on the beach next to perfection. Now, I can just acknowledge that she is gorgeous and wonderful and know that she has a bad hair day every now and then. We all have to console ourselves from time to time.
Oh, and then there was that time we did the Star Wars parade in 4th or 5th grade. You see, I wanted to be Princess Leia because I had long hair, but somehow Laura B. got to be Princess Leia and I had to be the freaky gold creature, C3P0. This was totally and completely unfair because she had short hair. However, this was just one of many life lessons that led me to truly understand that life is not fair. If you are reading Laura you were a fabulous Princess Leia, and the C3P0 costume I was relegated to wearing was exceptionally uncomfortable in the south GA heat and snug in the thighs. I should have just volunteered to be Chewbacca and called it a day. I had the hair for it.
Yes, and I did feel jealousy in college . I had the biggest crush on this guy I will call Cam. And Cam knew I had a ginormous crush on him even thought I thought I hid it well. (We always think we are covert in college when we really were SO obvious.Or maybe I was just obvious) I was absolutely devastated when he was dating Heather, then Debra, then well ...the point is he wasn't dating moi. Really. I was so jealous of Heather with her asymmetrical haircut and her MC Hammer pants. She was too legit to quit. How did she score him?
Now I haven't felt jealousy in years. I occasionally think I should be envious of the super achieving, perfect people but I can't do it. I can't muster the energy. You know exactly who I am referring to- those people who are incredibly talented , brilliant, kind, and gorgeous. They somehow manage to juggle a career at the UN in between developing a vaccine for cancer in their basement while working with homeless. I just acknowledge that they are fantastic human beings because it's just crazy to be jealous. They are wonderful! They are perfect! I am the first person to say how fabulous they are. They pee and breath air just like everyone else...And at least some of them have a zit or a cavity every now and then. I guess that is karma just letting you know there is balance in the world.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
You're So Vain, You Probably Think This Blog is About You
According to the good people at dictionary.com, vanity is defined as ,"excessive pride in one's appearance, qualities, abilities, achievements, conceit." Gag! I loathe vanity. I mean this is a woman who considers deodorant a beauty product. Don't get nervous! I use it, but I like the crystal rock kind which always is a conversation starter.
Vanity is a terrible thing. Looks are subjective and temporary. Situations can change one's abilities or qualities. I can deal with most of that, but if there is one thing I struggle with, it's that whole body image thing. UGH!!! I feel vain for even writing this. I guess there is a certain level of vanity necessary for self preservation. It's not like I would want to walk out of the house with throw up on my shirt or hand-prints on my butt, but I have done both. For example, I used to have this cute, flat tummy, but a strange thing happened after the birth of my last Lambchop. I guess 3 c-sections are a fatal blow to the tummy muscles. I dance, walk, boot camp, eat right, yada, yada, but the belly is just not happening. Perhaps this is punishment for having vanity in regards to my tummy earlier in life? Karma? Is that you? Can we call a truce and I will gladly have chubby eyelashes or toes? Please?
And boobs. People love that word. I'm not a particular fan of boobs. They look great on other people, but they aren't for me. I can't imagine why anyone would want implants, but that is just me. I never had boobs until I had lambchop. I look in the mirror and keep wondering whose chest that is, but apparently it's mine. Holy caca! Did you know they have disposable bras? What??? I was completely shocked to hear this. How long has this been in existence? I guess when you are an A, you never had to consider a disposable C. Shirts I wore before having Lambchop now feel like a tourniquet wrapped around my chest. Is it possible for your lungs to be squished through a v-neck? I actually had on a shirt the other day that I am pretty sure dislocated one of my ribs.
Sigh...but I will keep on because I will not give up until everything fits the right way again......
Vanity is a terrible thing. Looks are subjective and temporary. Situations can change one's abilities or qualities. I can deal with most of that, but if there is one thing I struggle with, it's that whole body image thing. UGH!!! I feel vain for even writing this. I guess there is a certain level of vanity necessary for self preservation. It's not like I would want to walk out of the house with throw up on my shirt or hand-prints on my butt, but I have done both. For example, I used to have this cute, flat tummy, but a strange thing happened after the birth of my last Lambchop. I guess 3 c-sections are a fatal blow to the tummy muscles. I dance, walk, boot camp, eat right, yada, yada, but the belly is just not happening. Perhaps this is punishment for having vanity in regards to my tummy earlier in life? Karma? Is that you? Can we call a truce and I will gladly have chubby eyelashes or toes? Please?
And boobs. People love that word. I'm not a particular fan of boobs. They look great on other people, but they aren't for me. I can't imagine why anyone would want implants, but that is just me. I never had boobs until I had lambchop. I look in the mirror and keep wondering whose chest that is, but apparently it's mine. Holy caca! Did you know they have disposable bras? What??? I was completely shocked to hear this. How long has this been in existence? I guess when you are an A, you never had to consider a disposable C. Shirts I wore before having Lambchop now feel like a tourniquet wrapped around my chest. Is it possible for your lungs to be squished through a v-neck? I actually had on a shirt the other day that I am pretty sure dislocated one of my ribs.
Sigh...but I will keep on because I will not give up until everything fits the right way again......
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)