Channeling your inner performer...

This is always difficult for people to believe that know me now, but  I was the shyest kid ever. Really. If you met me when I was 5 you would be shocked that I don't suffer from agoraphobia at this stage in my life.  When people came over to our house, I hid behind the couch for hours. I would love to say I was a toddler, but this was well into elementary school.  I was terrified to get up and sharpen my pencil in elementary school. What if everyone looked at me? Asking to go to the restroom was a traumatic experience. I remember when I was in the 6th grade I was forced to try out for chorus. Trust me, the music teacher made Simon Cowell seem like a cupcake. Each person had to stand  up and sing, "Silver Bells" and wait for the assessment. I thought I was going to pass out, but somehow I managed to survive that and many other humiliating experiences...many self inflicted:) But I digress..

I watch my 8 year old son (who is incredibly shy as well) and think that he  is Mr. outgoing compared to me at that age. But  even though I was painfully shy, I was always a performer. I used to stand in front of the vacuum cleaner wearing a long printed dress and sing something from Tony Orlando and Dawn. "Knock 3 Times on the Ceiling" anyone? Or that song by the Sylvers, "Hotline." I loved it.  I thought variety shows were the best and I loved imitating the characters on the "Carol Burnett Show." Oh and "Grease"- I desperately wanted to be Olivia Newton John. She seemed so...confident and beautiful! And she was Australian which was just fabulous! It didn't help that I stuttered as well. Dr. Phil would have had a field day with me at age 5, or I could have at least been a case study for one of those shows on A&E.

As I got older and entered those painfully awkward teenage years... who am I kidding? I was pretty awkward  until I was about 28 and then I just decided it was okay to be goofy!  Anyway, as a teenager I wanted to be a Solid Gold Dancer. They just seemed so glamorous and talented. Most importantly, they got to wear high heels which was the ultimate in my opinion. I wasn't really a fan of gold  lame' but I was willing to make that sacrifice if I could dance to a Duran Duran song and shove Marilyn McCoo off the stage.  But of course the show got canceled so that dream was dashed. So now that I am in my very late thirties, I still wanna be a "star", so how does one achieve that? No, it's not those karaoke contests I did well in. All I learned from that is that your singing is better to an audience who has been pounding jaigermeister shots for the better part of the evening. I can still dance, but I am way to old  to be a back up dancer for Lady Gaga and not as flexible as I used to be so Cirque Du Soleil is out of the question as well. Where do I channel this energy?

The Kinect Dance Central on the Xbox 360 is my place to shine. Finally,  a chance to score a 99 and tell my 6 year old daughter that mommy rules!Who knew that the roger rabbit and running man had a place in my life again? Evacuate the dance floor!!!!!!!! Clearly this was invented for goofy moms to bond with their kids. Why don't they have a show called "Dancing with the Moms?" I'm ready....

School is almost out for the summer....

Wasn't that a hair band song? School's out for the summer....I digress. Yes, I can't believe it. My two oldest will be moving on from kindergarten and 1st grade. They have grown and changed so much this year, but they still try to drive you insane. I think that is their mission in life. And the reality is that you just never know what they will say. For example, Fiona said, "learning sight words was more challenging than learning Mandarin Chinese." Really?

And Nigel had a revelation this evening. He said, "When you go home from 'Dancing with the Stars' they send you over to Jeopardy." And all this time I thought there was extensive testing to appear with that ultra smug Mr. Trebeck. Didn't he really mean, "What is when you go home on Dancing with the Stars...?" Btw, I don't watch the show but I support one of my all time favorite Bulldogs, Hines Ward. When the NFL has a lockout, it is a great time to learn the samba. Gotta pay the bills.

So what does the summer hold in the household? Hopefully lots of laughter, no fighting, and little peeps stepping up and doing some laundry. Wait, let me pick up the crystal ball. No, I see fights over whether to watch "Phineas and Ferb" or "Suite Life on Deck" and threats of "I'm telling on you because you said I was acting like a baby."

Seriously, it seems just like yesterday when they were both babies and wouldn't sleep in their own beds. They are no longer babies, but they are always my babies and I don't mind that they don't sleep in their own beds. Now if only the cat and dog would sleep in their beds..........

Who moved my Cheese? or keys...glasses...shoes

Remember when that book , "Who Moved My Cheese" became a smashing success? I thought that was written by a mouse, but it could have been written by a mom. Well as a mother of 3 busy little people under 8, I can tell you that my little people cannot keep their hands off of anything. I wish they would just move the cheese and leave my glasses alone.

I wear contacts but need my glasses after I remove them. Why? Because I can see $%&@# anything. If I don't have my contacts in or glasses on, I can vaguely determine that you are human...but without them you may be Arnold or you could be the mother of his love child. I couldn't tell the difference. The kids love to move my glasses around and put them in the pillow case, under the bed, and of course they wear them as well. Don't move my glasses!!!!


And then there are my shoes. Everyone likes to try to wear my shoes, but no one puts them back. If I wanted a single shoe in the toy box, I would have probably strategically placed it near the Barbies since Barbie is a fashion icon. Again....don't move my shoes.

Then there are the keys. Apparently like candy and Phineas & Ferb,  keys are irresistible to a small child,.  Which translates into the fact that you will be lugging everyone out to the car with bags on your arms only to discover that the small volunteer who offered to carry the keys no longer is sure where they are. Why? Because they lost interest once they saw a butterfly so they put the said keys down "somewhere" to find out if the butterfly is flying home to his/her castle.

The lesson ? Leave my stuff alone.

Mother's Day

I have been such a slacker on posting. I have been so busy, but must make time for this as this is a cathartic process for me.

Have you heard? Mother's Day is this weekend. What does Mom really want? Well, I can only speak for myself, but I would like a hot stone massage, a nap, and clean, folded laundry. And a large margarita-because it is my day.What have I asked for? A larger water dish for the dogs. I want the big self watering device as last year I got myself a smaller version for Mother's Day (gotta reward myself for keeping tally of the kids) and it is apparent that the mac daddy size is needed.

I remember before I had kids I wondered about the hoopla of Mother's Day. Big deal-you are a mom. Blah, blah, blah. I viewed it as marketing ploy by FTD, Hallmark, and Outback to convince us to spend more $$$. Now I know why they said "when you care enough to send the very best." Now I say  au contraire pop tart. Where is my very best? Can I get the hope diamond? Being a mom is WORK ! Big time. I mean changing poopy diapers, refereeing arguments about "Suite Life on Deck" and Justin Bieber's haircut, while trying to navigate the sheer volume of notes/memos sent home by the school are taxing to say the least. Some days I feel like Judge Mathis minus the tv show and robe.

But being a mom is the absolute best thing that I have done! I love the cards the kids make. They are so cute and proud of their work. It turns me into a giant pile of mush. 

Every day should be Mother's Day. So if you know a mom, are a mom, or know someone who is like a mom to others, thank her! Girl deserves it. To quote the great Vanilla Ice, "Word to your Mother."