I'm always impressed when I meet people who are pulled together. You know, those people with perfectly coiffed hair and clothes that fit perfectly. I'm not one of those people. With the exception to getting my hair colored, I consider things like Burt's Bee's baby oil a beauty indulgence. I love wearing "lounge wear" and my hair usually looks like I've spent some serious time in a convertible even though I don't own one. Medusa hair is what some have called it. It's not that I don't want to like the beauty treatments, but I've never spent much time or money on those. Not that I wouldn't benefit from some professional expertise. Perhaps this is why I've never enjoyed going to a spa. I never know what I am supposed to wear or how to act. I feel incredibly pretentious sipping water with lemon slices when in reality I would prefer a nice vodka lemonade. However I do love a massage. So, my wonderful MIL purchased a massage/facial from a mobile spa for me as a gift. Awesome! I don't even have to leave the house.
Typically my idea of a spa experience at home consists of getting to pee by myself or the occasional bubble bath. However, the last time I took a bubble bath, my oldest son sat on the edge of the tub and fell in while talking to me. So imagine my delight at the prospect of having a massage (which I do love) AND a facial (never had one before) in the uh, peaceful oasis known as my house.
So Omar the masseuse arrives. Or as my son said, "Mommy, there is a strange man here with a bed." Omar asked where should he set up. I said why not set up in the playroom? It's the only room the kids never go in, so it's a great hiding spot. As the massage began, I realized I selected the only room in our house which always feels like what I assume it would be like to bask in a deep fryer. HOT!!! Add the oil, and I started to feel like I was going to be placed on a platter next to the candied yams. With the exception to the occasional ZhuZhu pet making a noise, the dog barking, and the Incredible Hulk boxing gloves intermittently saying "You're making me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry," it was rather zen like. Thanks Omar!
So the next day the aesthetician arrives, a career that no one with a lisp should attempt. Enter Kim. I tell Kim that I'm not familiar with many "beauty treatments" and that I've never had a facial. You would have thought I had told her Maria had decided to take Arnold back. She was aghast. Then she proceeded to do something that made me face feel like my face was on fire and ripped the upper layer of epidermis off with vigor. She spent an inordinate amount of time on my nose. I swear I thought she was performing rhinoplasty ( I thought this was a bonus) and I asked if she was could she give me a Drew Barrymore type nose? She then put a delicious smelling chocolate moisturizer on my face and I was wishing I had some macadamia nuts. However, at the end although splotchy and shiny, my skin felt uber soft. Or as my 8 yr old son said, "just like the baby's back."
Maybe I just needed a little pampering... What beauty indulgence should I try next? Hmmmm..
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Flattery, Adulation, Compliments, Flirtation..are these profane words?
Come on..whether we want to admit it or not we all love a little flattery or adulation. Both words have a bit of a seedy reputation so let's say for all intensive purposes that we like a genuine, sincere compliment, or attention. I would say flirtation but some people get upset at that term. Anyway, flirtation sounds like the title of one of those bad Jennifer Aniston movies. However, it's fun to hear something that is unsuspected. No, not those pants make your butt look wider than a semi, but rather something that evokes a big smile.
For example, my friend JC was telling me the other day that the flight attendant gave him a big smile and told him to have a nice trip as he was deplaning. He told me at that moment he felt like a Don Juan. Really? From just a smile and a hope you find your luggage? I totally got it. JC is going through a challenging time and at that moment the smile from said flight attendant made him feel like George Clooney in "Up in the Air." Or as he said, like George Clooney minus being hit on by hot women. Sadly, life doesn't always imitate the good in Hollywood.
I'm not immune to these things by any stretch of the imagination. I was talking with a guy the other day who was (gasp) Australian. We all have our weaknesses. Some people go gaga over legs, abs, eyes, bank accounts, and boobs. Me? Great voices, good smiles and a little scruff. Back to the mate..The accent turned me into an absolute pile of putty. When he said I had a nice smile, it was the equivalent to the feeling of seeing David Beckham at the front door saying I had won the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes. He could have smiled and given me a Vegemite sandwich and I would have felt like a star! Why? Well, we all like to hear something nice. Particularly from an Aussie.
I have friends who tell me the crazy stories of 'being rolled up on." ( I had to ask what that meant but I like the term now).I'm generally oblivious to that stuff, but when it's blatantly obvious I always wonder why? Like when the kid behind the counter at the Quik Trip gives me a free frozen drink. My first inkling is to reach back and make sure my pants haven't split. Am I that witty? Or do I remind him of his mother? Is my dress tucked into my underwear? No, that definitely wouldn't warrant a free anything other than a good laugh. However, I was shipping something the other day and was genuinely perplexed by the manner of the guy behind the counter. Then I looked down and realized why I was receiving so much unsolicited attention. Yes, the entire top of my dress separated so I was clinging to a PG 13 rating at the UPS Store. Ironically, the dress was brown and I can tell you what brown did for me...Discount!!!!
So don't be insincere, but it's okay to nice things. You might just make someone's day!
For example, my friend JC was telling me the other day that the flight attendant gave him a big smile and told him to have a nice trip as he was deplaning. He told me at that moment he felt like a Don Juan. Really? From just a smile and a hope you find your luggage? I totally got it. JC is going through a challenging time and at that moment the smile from said flight attendant made him feel like George Clooney in "Up in the Air." Or as he said, like George Clooney minus being hit on by hot women. Sadly, life doesn't always imitate the good in Hollywood.
I'm not immune to these things by any stretch of the imagination. I was talking with a guy the other day who was (gasp) Australian. We all have our weaknesses. Some people go gaga over legs, abs, eyes, bank accounts, and boobs. Me? Great voices, good smiles and a little scruff. Back to the mate..The accent turned me into an absolute pile of putty. When he said I had a nice smile, it was the equivalent to the feeling of seeing David Beckham at the front door saying I had won the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes. He could have smiled and given me a Vegemite sandwich and I would have felt like a star! Why? Well, we all like to hear something nice. Particularly from an Aussie.
I have friends who tell me the crazy stories of 'being rolled up on." ( I had to ask what that meant but I like the term now).I'm generally oblivious to that stuff, but when it's blatantly obvious I always wonder why? Like when the kid behind the counter at the Quik Trip gives me a free frozen drink. My first inkling is to reach back and make sure my pants haven't split. Am I that witty? Or do I remind him of his mother? Is my dress tucked into my underwear? No, that definitely wouldn't warrant a free anything other than a good laugh. However, I was shipping something the other day and was genuinely perplexed by the manner of the guy behind the counter. Then I looked down and realized why I was receiving so much unsolicited attention. Yes, the entire top of my dress separated so I was clinging to a PG 13 rating at the UPS Store. Ironically, the dress was brown and I can tell you what brown did for me...Discount!!!!
So don't be insincere, but it's okay to nice things. You might just make someone's day!
Sunday, July 17, 2011
The Love Doctor
I am absolutely flattered that anyone reads my blog. Flattery. I will discuss that in my next post.
Anyway, yes, that title is a reference to me. Now I am not an actual MD, but I consider myself an expert on matters of the heart so that chick Delilah should move over. I question those people who call into a show to request a Celine Dion song for someone they love. I like hearing people prattle on about their relationships. Why? Well, I am rather accurate in reading people, but I frequently have not heeded my own advice. There. I admit it. .Moving on..
According to studies, the late 30s/early 40s is a common time for divorce. Why ? I'm not sure but I am certain many people are trying to "find themselves" (just put a bell around your neck like cats do) or they think their spouse has "changed". Translation? They want to see if they can find something better, hotter, richer, etc. The reality is many people grow apart or are toxic and should move on for their happiness. I am huge believer in doing what makes your happy. But let's address the "changing issue." Years ago I dated someone who lived with a guy we will call Will. Will was a little older and quite the player. He was actually on a talk show for being a womanizer. He had a child with a girl named Katie, who desperately wanted Will to become husband material. She asked me one day if I thought Will had changed. I kept a good poker face and decided not to tell her about the girl that climbed out the window as she was knocking on the door for a surprise visit. I honestly could not keep up with this cornucopia of women Will had. For the record, I never said much to any of them. I would just smile and nod at them, because the next time I saw them they would probably be giggling and climbing down from the 2nd floor balcony or attempting to wedge themselves behind the couch. I merely said to Katie that what I thought was irrelevant and it was what she thought that mattered. This was probably sound advice because they got married a few months later. However, I knew wedded bliss was short lived when Will was caught by Katie's Dad playing a serious round of tonsil hockey with the lady they hired to play Barney at their daughter's 2nd birthday. Yes, Will was canoodling with the lady while she was wearing the Barney costume (minus the head) and one of attendees alerted the Grandpa to the antics he witnessed less than 15 feet from the soiree. Katie stuck with him, but soon Will moved from Barney to a nurse. Maybe he had a thing for costumes? You see, Will wasn't going to change and Katie knew that but she didn't want to admit it.
Next, there's my friend Chris. Chris is probably sitting in a dark room now knocking back a case of Stella listening to an alternating mix of Seether's "Broken" and Hall & Oates, "She's Gone." Chris was married for about 5 years before his wife launched him. When he was telling me why she left, he mentioned his wife was incredibly high maintenance. I asked what she was like when they met. He proceeded to tell me she was incredibly high maintenance. So essentially, girl was the exact same. Except she decided to see if she could find someone with a bigger bank account to maintain her. She had not changed. She was just moving on.
It's happened to me too. I was dating Ryan and we parted ways because he was trying to figure himself out. It's not like he was a Rubik's cube. In reality, he was trying to figure out someone named Britney who thought Cirque Du Soleil was a beach and wanted him to go to Cancun with her . That union fizzled and he was calling again, but alas, it was him and not me.
Allegedly, your brain has all of the answers to any questions you have and I believe that. The challenge is that you have to clear your mind of the garbage in order to find out what you want to know. And sometimes people don't like what they hear, see ,or feel in the gut, so they chose to ignore it. Just don't act disappointed or shocked when reality smacks you in the face.
Anyway, yes, that title is a reference to me. Now I am not an actual MD, but I consider myself an expert on matters of the heart so that chick Delilah should move over. I question those people who call into a show to request a Celine Dion song for someone they love. I like hearing people prattle on about their relationships. Why? Well, I am rather accurate in reading people, but I frequently have not heeded my own advice. There. I admit it. .Moving on..
According to studies, the late 30s/early 40s is a common time for divorce. Why ? I'm not sure but I am certain many people are trying to "find themselves" (just put a bell around your neck like cats do) or they think their spouse has "changed". Translation? They want to see if they can find something better, hotter, richer, etc. The reality is many people grow apart or are toxic and should move on for their happiness. I am huge believer in doing what makes your happy. But let's address the "changing issue." Years ago I dated someone who lived with a guy we will call Will. Will was a little older and quite the player. He was actually on a talk show for being a womanizer. He had a child with a girl named Katie, who desperately wanted Will to become husband material. She asked me one day if I thought Will had changed. I kept a good poker face and decided not to tell her about the girl that climbed out the window as she was knocking on the door for a surprise visit. I honestly could not keep up with this cornucopia of women Will had. For the record, I never said much to any of them. I would just smile and nod at them, because the next time I saw them they would probably be giggling and climbing down from the 2nd floor balcony or attempting to wedge themselves behind the couch. I merely said to Katie that what I thought was irrelevant and it was what she thought that mattered. This was probably sound advice because they got married a few months later. However, I knew wedded bliss was short lived when Will was caught by Katie's Dad playing a serious round of tonsil hockey with the lady they hired to play Barney at their daughter's 2nd birthday. Yes, Will was canoodling with the lady while she was wearing the Barney costume (minus the head) and one of attendees alerted the Grandpa to the antics he witnessed less than 15 feet from the soiree. Katie stuck with him, but soon Will moved from Barney to a nurse. Maybe he had a thing for costumes? You see, Will wasn't going to change and Katie knew that but she didn't want to admit it.
Next, there's my friend Chris. Chris is probably sitting in a dark room now knocking back a case of Stella listening to an alternating mix of Seether's "Broken" and Hall & Oates, "She's Gone." Chris was married for about 5 years before his wife launched him. When he was telling me why she left, he mentioned his wife was incredibly high maintenance. I asked what she was like when they met. He proceeded to tell me she was incredibly high maintenance. So essentially, girl was the exact same. Except she decided to see if she could find someone with a bigger bank account to maintain her. She had not changed. She was just moving on.
It's happened to me too. I was dating Ryan and we parted ways because he was trying to figure himself out. It's not like he was a Rubik's cube. In reality, he was trying to figure out someone named Britney who thought Cirque Du Soleil was a beach and wanted him to go to Cancun with her . That union fizzled and he was calling again, but alas, it was him and not me.
Allegedly, your brain has all of the answers to any questions you have and I believe that. The challenge is that you have to clear your mind of the garbage in order to find out what you want to know. And sometimes people don't like what they hear, see ,or feel in the gut, so they chose to ignore it. Just don't act disappointed or shocked when reality smacks you in the face.
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