My husband has these ideas from time to time which are nothing short of.....horrible. For example, he asked why I didn't take all 3 kids along with our psychotic foster dog to the foster dog adoption event this weekend. This fashion show/adoption event is in a parking lot and my 2 year old is rather quick on his feet. Excellent suggestion! Perhaps we can play red rover across I-285 to kick into high gear? It's bad enough that the foster dog howls incessantly when she goes to these events, so having a wild 2 year old zooming around just doesn't sound like a solid plan. Why didn't he just suggest that we get the kids matching machetes to up the ante in rock, paper, scissors? We could get the carrying cases monogrammed so that everyone can keep an eye on their respective weapon. Instead of making these types of suggestions, I wish he would focus his attention on the laundry basket. Just like a chia pet or an ungroomed Bichon Friese, the contents of said basket continues to grow.
If you have read more this blog before, you know that each blog has at least one to one hundred grammatical or typographical errors. If referring to "The Superficial -Because You're Ugly" or US Weekly is classified as fact checking, I'm on it. But it pains me greatly to see horrific mistakes on a resume'. Mais oui!!! So, last week I was working a job fair. I admit the attendees were an interesting bunch ranging from a guy who had 6 kids with 3 different women he worked with to a guy who claimed his identity was stolen but was in his car. What? Who was in the car? The person who stole it or this mystery identity? Anyway, we all have different capabilities and unfortunately circumstances are not always kind to all. I believe that it takes all types to make the world function, so it's always fascinating to meet people. Even the ones who say they got out of jail last week. And the people who decide it's a good idea to wear a lycra, leopard print dress that is 3 sizes too small with their butt hanging out of the bottom to an interview. Well, at least a professional interview in corporate America. There are some interviews where that would be considered over dressed. Yes, I know Kim Kardashian is running for mayor but it doesn't work outside of Hollyweird.
However, when submitting a resume', I just feel it casts you in a bad light to say you "Mongered in English" from XYZ University. Or the one today from someone applying for a supervisor position that said they "filled odors." What kind of odors? Poop? Sewage? And how are you filling them? Are you consuming a large bowl of beans before filling said "odor"? Where are you putting said odors? Oops, that was gross and I apologize for saying it. Another resume said "Picket up clients to the first echelon." Sounds pretty important but wtf are they saying? Are they building a fence or is this some kind of protest? And taking them to the first echelon sounds weirdly "Close Encounters of the Third Kind," but I didn't see that movie so I could absolutely be incorrect in my thinking.
On a side note, one bonus came out of the job fair. People called afterwards wanting to speak to the "glamorous lady." I had no idea who they were talking about and much to my chagrin it was me. What??? Never have I been called glamorous but perhaps wearing giant sunglasses on top of your head and clothes that cover your butt constitutes sophistication? Maybe I will monger in glamour during this next chapter in my life.
Next up? We will compare the Gen X to the Gen Z....Sounds exciting huh? Stay tuned...
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Monday, April 16, 2012
Fascination with the Royals
Happy Monday! I feel like I am on the verge of being on an episode of Dateline. My daughter told me that it is imperative that I try to win tix to see One Direction. When I explained that I would be the oldest person there if we won, she said, " Just get over it." Perhaps I can get that on a t-shirt and a bumper sticker. I could use a set. To show her that I am still a force to be reckoned with, I challenged her to a dance off with Just Dance on the Wii. Some parents let their kids win to allegedly build faux self confidence. Not moi. Life isn't fair and well, it's best to keep it honest. I schooled her and she clarified that I only won by 2 stars so that technically wasn't "schooling." It's mere semantics. These crazy kids!
Speaking of crazy, what kind of insane fascination do the tabloids have with Wills and Kate? Granted I love my celebrity sleaze but they seem perfectly boring. However, each day we are barraged with headlines like "Will and Kate Ready for Babies!" "Will and Kate Adopt a Puppy!" "Kate Breaks a Nail at TopShop!" "Kate Discovers Split Ends and Visits Top Secret Hairdresser!" It's insane. And perhaps because they both seem nice yet mundane (boring) the tabloids are equally fascinated with Harry and Pippa. I didn't watch the wedding, but apparently there was much discussion about Pippa's much ballyhooed bootay in said wedding party dress. Really? Someone's butt gets a FB page? "Pippa Engaged!" "Pippa Single!" "Pippa's Secret Rendezvous with Harry!" Now we're talking. So, I wondered if guys preferred Pippa or Kate? My inclination was that males preferred Pippa because she seems more fun and looks like she occasionally consumes a meal. But I was wrong. I conducted a survey to 15 males (and got 15 responses because I only send it to people who a) I think will respond and b) submit humorous answers. I never said my surveys were scientific or even diplomatic.) 13 liked Kate with only 2 poo pooing over Pip. Really? Does Pippa view Kate the way Jan viewed Marcia? After all, Will supposedly asked Kate out years ago after seeing her walk down the runway in a see thru dress. Subtle I say.
When it comes to Will and Harry, I didn't really evaluate the responses because one person said it best. "William seems nice and like a "do-gooder" which is great, but Harry seems fun." I couldn't agree more and he has such good hair! Unfortunately Will inherited Chuck's hairline, but he appears to have a personality. Harry seems to have an affinity for skanky blondes but he probably doesn't have to pull any bad lines out of his back pocket. He can use the "don't hate the player, hate the game" line with confidence. Am I actually discussing these people like I know them? Yes, I am.
In conclusion, I want to give a nod to the creators of the new dry shampoos. Unlike the old ones with sexy names like "Psssst", these new brands bamboozle your hair into thinking it's got sass. And leaves you thinking "Gee, your hair smells terrific!"
Speaking of crazy, what kind of insane fascination do the tabloids have with Wills and Kate? Granted I love my celebrity sleaze but they seem perfectly boring. However, each day we are barraged with headlines like "Will and Kate Ready for Babies!" "Will and Kate Adopt a Puppy!" "Kate Breaks a Nail at TopShop!" "Kate Discovers Split Ends and Visits Top Secret Hairdresser!" It's insane. And perhaps because they both seem nice yet mundane (boring) the tabloids are equally fascinated with Harry and Pippa. I didn't watch the wedding, but apparently there was much discussion about Pippa's much ballyhooed bootay in said wedding party dress. Really? Someone's butt gets a FB page? "Pippa Engaged!" "Pippa Single!" "Pippa's Secret Rendezvous with Harry!" Now we're talking. So, I wondered if guys preferred Pippa or Kate? My inclination was that males preferred Pippa because she seems more fun and looks like she occasionally consumes a meal. But I was wrong. I conducted a survey to 15 males (and got 15 responses because I only send it to people who a) I think will respond and b) submit humorous answers. I never said my surveys were scientific or even diplomatic.) 13 liked Kate with only 2 poo pooing over Pip. Really? Does Pippa view Kate the way Jan viewed Marcia? After all, Will supposedly asked Kate out years ago after seeing her walk down the runway in a see thru dress. Subtle I say.
When it comes to Will and Harry, I didn't really evaluate the responses because one person said it best. "William seems nice and like a "do-gooder" which is great, but Harry seems fun." I couldn't agree more and he has such good hair! Unfortunately Will inherited Chuck's hairline, but he appears to have a personality. Harry seems to have an affinity for skanky blondes but he probably doesn't have to pull any bad lines out of his back pocket. He can use the "don't hate the player, hate the game" line with confidence. Am I actually discussing these people like I know them? Yes, I am.
In conclusion, I want to give a nod to the creators of the new dry shampoos. Unlike the old ones with sexy names like "Psssst", these new brands bamboozle your hair into thinking it's got sass. And leaves you thinking "Gee, your hair smells terrific!"
Thursday, April 12, 2012
3 posts in 2 days-Day 2-just being
3 posts in 2 days! This has to be Olympic record......Where is my gold medal?
So, it's week 2 at my new job. The office is located next to a psychiatrist office. I have met characters named Gee the Barbarian and a guy referring to himself as "The Unknown." My sales rep has framed photos of herself with Jon Bon Jovi on her desk. I decided to wow my coworkers with my Brady Bunch knowledge and even performed "The Safety Dance." I can be charming like that when necessary. One of my coworkers escorted me safely to my car after work and I wasn't detained by the authorities so that's a positive, right?
I try not to speak in absolutes but I have a few times in my life. For example, I said I wouldn't date anyway shorter than me. That is an absolute that I could stick with being that the only males shorter than me are on that TLC "Little People Big World" and mini me from the Austin Powers movies. However, I have a confession to make that only my mother in law and husband know. I always wondered what kind of kid is asked to leave preschool. And worse, what kind of parent has a kid asked to leave preschool? Ding! Ding! We have a winner behind door number 1. OMG! I am one of those mother's and my daughter was one of those kids. My daughter was a biter and terrorized other kids and teachers. I had countless meetings with said preschool and my daughter, but it's quite humiliating to be in a management meeting to see the receptionist looking for someone and you know that someone is you. Then one day that call came when they said, "Today is your daughter's last day." What??? How could this be? I won the good citizenship award Mrs. Simmons let me take names in first grade. How could I possibly be the mother of a 4 yr old child who was essentially "kicked out" of preschool?? But I was and it was absolutely embarrassing. I do remind her periodically of that time and she gives me a smug smile along with a "that was a long time ago." Let's keep that in the past.
Day 2 of just being with no candy was not bad. I laughed and only broke down to indulge in a graham cracker. Friday eve!
So, it's week 2 at my new job. The office is located next to a psychiatrist office. I have met characters named Gee the Barbarian and a guy referring to himself as "The Unknown." My sales rep has framed photos of herself with Jon Bon Jovi on her desk. I decided to wow my coworkers with my Brady Bunch knowledge and even performed "The Safety Dance." I can be charming like that when necessary. One of my coworkers escorted me safely to my car after work and I wasn't detained by the authorities so that's a positive, right?
I try not to speak in absolutes but I have a few times in my life. For example, I said I wouldn't date anyway shorter than me. That is an absolute that I could stick with being that the only males shorter than me are on that TLC "Little People Big World" and mini me from the Austin Powers movies. However, I have a confession to make that only my mother in law and husband know. I always wondered what kind of kid is asked to leave preschool. And worse, what kind of parent has a kid asked to leave preschool? Ding! Ding! We have a winner behind door number 1. OMG! I am one of those mother's and my daughter was one of those kids. My daughter was a biter and terrorized other kids and teachers. I had countless meetings with said preschool and my daughter, but it's quite humiliating to be in a management meeting to see the receptionist looking for someone and you know that someone is you. Then one day that call came when they said, "Today is your daughter's last day." What??? How could this be? I won the good citizenship award Mrs. Simmons let me take names in first grade. How could I possibly be the mother of a 4 yr old child who was essentially "kicked out" of preschool?? But I was and it was absolutely embarrassing. I do remind her periodically of that time and she gives me a smug smile along with a "that was a long time ago." Let's keep that in the past.
Day 2 of just being with no candy was not bad. I laughed and only broke down to indulge in a graham cracker. Friday eve!
It's difficult being a girl
It is! I say that frequently but once you have a daughter it becomes even more clear to me that I will have to reiterate that stuff.
Take a look at the former volleyball player at the center of the scandal of the B Petrino story. Chickadee was engaged and probably registered for monogrammed Woo Pig Suey hand towels or some pretentious Kate Spade potholders when her world comes crumbling down. He allegedly helped her secure a gig at the University along with some cash for being his arm candy. Oh and supposedly a car too. Did she have a vanity plate that read "BOBSBABE"? Maybe that has too many letters. I'm certainly not saying she wasn't aware of the ramifications of canoodling with a public married figure, but she will be left wearing the scarlet letter which I guess would be "R" for Razorback in this situation. She will be blamed for the demise of the program and hopefully sit down with Rachel Nichols or a reporter from "Real Sports" to give her side of the story. Meanwhile, Bobby can pose for photos with his wife (hopefully after those nasty facial abrasions have healed) and give some hog caca interview about how this situation coming to light only strengthened their union. Uh huh. Hey, it worked for Eliot Spitzer (sp?) and he got a show out of it as well.
When I watch my daughter it just reminds me what we have to look forward to with a tween or teen girl. Not always, but frequently females are more emotional. For example. my daughter came home in tears one day from school. When I asked what was wrong, she said Desire said she had a dumb name. I said, "Excuse me but did you say Desire said you had a silly name?" Of course because I am smarta$$ my first response was to ask the name of Desire's siblings. Was Desire's middle name Envy? Maybe she had siblings named Lust and Booty Call? No, I had to take the grown up approach and say that sometimes kids and grown ups are mean for no reason and you have to ignore them.
Gosh, I look at my daughter and hope she doesn't look or seem as awkward as I did. Of course, my awkward stage lasted around 22 years which isn't the norm. Actually, I may be in a permanent state of awkwardness but that's okay. I do get a bit nervous thinking of my daughter entering the teenage years. Yeah and skip this section if you are squeamish at hearing about "the cycle" or "the curse." Hopefully we will have a clearer discussion on that topic than I had which involved a pamphlet from the health department. If I remember correctly there were typos and some strange photos in the pamphlet to further reiterate how uncomfortable you will look and feel for a few days each month. This was south GA. I could appreciate a photo of someone in parachute pants, a fluorescent sweatshirt and a Lilt home perm to drive home the feeling of discomfort one may experience as a result of this new monthly event. I had to drudge up some further clarity from a Judy Blume book as the pamphlet (while entertaining)was sketchy with details. Perhaps it was "Are you there God? It's Me Margaret" except that it was Tara dialing in for some more info. And then when I still had questions, it was off to Glamour magazine for the real skinny. Why are teenage girls so embarrassed to purchase feminine hygiene products? Granted they aren't bling items but I remember being so mortified at the prospect of going into PharMor to buy such items. How did I counteract this horrifying event? That's right. I sent my brother who was 8 years older to buy feminine products, because it would be clear to everyone that he wasn't using tampons. And why do people cringe at the word tampon? It's a billion dollar industry. And trust me, when you are 14 no matter what the calendar says, there is no preparation for this monthly extravaganza and you are never in the right place. Particularly not at Six Flags.
So I guess this is what I have to look forward to in a few years. I didn't even start in on the heartbreak of Ethan not liking her because he likes her best friend Madison or why some people call extended family members to tell them their daughter has gone through "the change." It's not like she turned into a werewolf. But she is so funny and entertaining, so I we will plow through these events the best that we can. In the grand scheme of life, it's little stuff, but it felt so big at the time.
Day 2...Just being and no sour patch kids. Word to your mother.
Take a look at the former volleyball player at the center of the scandal of the B Petrino story. Chickadee was engaged and probably registered for monogrammed Woo Pig Suey hand towels or some pretentious Kate Spade potholders when her world comes crumbling down. He allegedly helped her secure a gig at the University along with some cash for being his arm candy. Oh and supposedly a car too. Did she have a vanity plate that read "BOBSBABE"? Maybe that has too many letters. I'm certainly not saying she wasn't aware of the ramifications of canoodling with a public married figure, but she will be left wearing the scarlet letter which I guess would be "R" for Razorback in this situation. She will be blamed for the demise of the program and hopefully sit down with Rachel Nichols or a reporter from "Real Sports" to give her side of the story. Meanwhile, Bobby can pose for photos with his wife (hopefully after those nasty facial abrasions have healed) and give some hog caca interview about how this situation coming to light only strengthened their union. Uh huh. Hey, it worked for Eliot Spitzer (sp?) and he got a show out of it as well.
When I watch my daughter it just reminds me what we have to look forward to with a tween or teen girl. Not always, but frequently females are more emotional. For example. my daughter came home in tears one day from school. When I asked what was wrong, she said Desire said she had a dumb name. I said, "Excuse me but did you say Desire said you had a silly name?" Of course because I am smarta$$ my first response was to ask the name of Desire's siblings. Was Desire's middle name Envy? Maybe she had siblings named Lust and Booty Call? No, I had to take the grown up approach and say that sometimes kids and grown ups are mean for no reason and you have to ignore them.
Gosh, I look at my daughter and hope she doesn't look or seem as awkward as I did. Of course, my awkward stage lasted around 22 years which isn't the norm. Actually, I may be in a permanent state of awkwardness but that's okay. I do get a bit nervous thinking of my daughter entering the teenage years. Yeah and skip this section if you are squeamish at hearing about "the cycle" or "the curse." Hopefully we will have a clearer discussion on that topic than I had which involved a pamphlet from the health department. If I remember correctly there were typos and some strange photos in the pamphlet to further reiterate how uncomfortable you will look and feel for a few days each month. This was south GA. I could appreciate a photo of someone in parachute pants, a fluorescent sweatshirt and a Lilt home perm to drive home the feeling of discomfort one may experience as a result of this new monthly event. I had to drudge up some further clarity from a Judy Blume book as the pamphlet (while entertaining)was sketchy with details. Perhaps it was "Are you there God? It's Me Margaret" except that it was Tara dialing in for some more info. And then when I still had questions, it was off to Glamour magazine for the real skinny. Why are teenage girls so embarrassed to purchase feminine hygiene products? Granted they aren't bling items but I remember being so mortified at the prospect of going into PharMor to buy such items. How did I counteract this horrifying event? That's right. I sent my brother who was 8 years older to buy feminine products, because it would be clear to everyone that he wasn't using tampons. And why do people cringe at the word tampon? It's a billion dollar industry. And trust me, when you are 14 no matter what the calendar says, there is no preparation for this monthly extravaganza and you are never in the right place. Particularly not at Six Flags.
So I guess this is what I have to look forward to in a few years. I didn't even start in on the heartbreak of Ethan not liking her because he likes her best friend Madison or why some people call extended family members to tell them their daughter has gone through "the change." It's not like she turned into a werewolf. But she is so funny and entertaining, so I we will plow through these events the best that we can. In the grand scheme of life, it's little stuff, but it felt so big at the time.
Day 2...Just being and no sour patch kids. Word to your mother.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Hodgepodge for $2000 please
I'm gonna make it a true daily double and risk it all, Alex. Originally, this blog was designed for one purpose but it has become a therapeutic release...kind of a like a deep tissue massage minus the relaxation, scented oils and element of bliss. However, my fingers are quite limber because I am quite speedy on the keyboard.
I get giddy over little crazy things. For example, there is a paging system in my new office which I love. I don't care if it sounds bad, but I love to use it. It's kind of my way of getting prepped for when I take over for the other Liam's mom on "Mike and Mike" or for a morning gig on local sports radio. Subtle hint: CALL ME!!! "RG3-Mr. Shannahan is on line 3." It could work. One of the great disappointments in my life is not getting to make the announcements on the overhead on a chartered flight. It's good that I don't hold a grudge-C. I just wanted to say "We know you have choices in flying." Actually, you didn't in this circumstance. It was the last flight out to escape a pending category 5 hurricane, but it could have been my one shining moment. Could have been, should have been, would have been. Mwak mwak mwak....
I went to lunch today with someone who works out a TON. As in hours a day. This is a big dude. I am completely impressed by people who have had lapband surgery and those who spend hours a day working out in the gym. Both scenarios make me hungry. For example, this person ordered dry grilled chicken with a side of arugula. Yum. One must be mindful of the order after something like that. I was just about to ask for a cup of Elmer's paste with a lime (I was secretly contemplating fries since I have not had them in a few months)or a single grain of rice, but I didn't want to indulge in the carb. Instead I ordered rare tuna...I kept looking up hoping it would magically rain jelly bellies or that at least Count Chocula would come by my table and hook me up with some cereal. Never happened. In regards to lapband surgery, I met a lady who lost almost 200 pounds but had a severe infection due to her lapband surgery. She said she could actually put her fist in her stomach and girl had pictures. I suppose this a positive quality to possess- I can get along with anyone and enjoy discussing gangrene and pushups, particularly at mealtime. Will there be an upcoming assessment that asks whether or not I possess these traits?
It's been a rather tumultuous 6 months. On a serious note, I am going to become a great aunt. Geez. I am trying to digest that. I am taking my daughter to my niece's baby shower this weekend. My niece is 17 and a junior in high school. When I was 17, I was a freshman in college and definitely not ready to be anyone's mother. I am not going to elaborate much further on the topic, but I don't envy my niece. It is absolutely exhilarating and terrifying being a parent, so I cannot imagine how I would feel at that age. However, I wish her the best. It is very difficult for me to believe that she is going to be a mother but she is.
On a lighter note, I am going to make a committed effort to work on something to better myself. I was this close to saying I was going to give up sugar for a month, but that is unlikely. I can try, but I will probably end eating the Crystal light with a popsicle stick. However in the spirit of determination, I will give it a whirl. I should have my fill after the smorgasbord of Starburst jelly beans and warheads (xoxo)this past weekend. Once I implemented a "no sarcasm rule" in the office I shared with 2 other people. Remember this B? We could only use sarcasm once a week. After a week of absolute silence (we just nodded at each other) , we abandoned that policy as we felt those around us suffered from a lack of entertainment. Can't go back to that one, so I am going to work on just being. Perhaps work on sitting still . I don't relax or do downtime well. I fidget and it's very annoying! Why hasn't anyone told me to sit down??? It's strange because I am very laid back, but I have a difficult time just being....Which brings me to another question on one of those "tests"...Can you fall asleep watching a river? Of course my first inclination was to say, "Why would I relax and enjoy the water?" And I suppose if I just sat, I could enjoy the river, but I don't. So, the plan is to just be and go back to being fun. I think I was fun at one point. This probably should have been 2 separate paragraphs and I overused the comma.
I leave you with a cheer from my childhood...R-o-w-d-i-e that's the way we spell rowdie, rowdie, hey, hey rowdie. Get rowdie.
I get giddy over little crazy things. For example, there is a paging system in my new office which I love. I don't care if it sounds bad, but I love to use it. It's kind of my way of getting prepped for when I take over for the other Liam's mom on "Mike and Mike" or for a morning gig on local sports radio. Subtle hint: CALL ME!!! "RG3-Mr. Shannahan is on line 3." It could work. One of the great disappointments in my life is not getting to make the announcements on the overhead on a chartered flight. It's good that I don't hold a grudge-C. I just wanted to say "We know you have choices in flying." Actually, you didn't in this circumstance. It was the last flight out to escape a pending category 5 hurricane, but it could have been my one shining moment. Could have been, should have been, would have been. Mwak mwak mwak....
I went to lunch today with someone who works out a TON. As in hours a day. This is a big dude. I am completely impressed by people who have had lapband surgery and those who spend hours a day working out in the gym. Both scenarios make me hungry. For example, this person ordered dry grilled chicken with a side of arugula. Yum. One must be mindful of the order after something like that. I was just about to ask for a cup of Elmer's paste with a lime (I was secretly contemplating fries since I have not had them in a few months)or a single grain of rice, but I didn't want to indulge in the carb. Instead I ordered rare tuna...I kept looking up hoping it would magically rain jelly bellies or that at least Count Chocula would come by my table and hook me up with some cereal. Never happened. In regards to lapband surgery, I met a lady who lost almost 200 pounds but had a severe infection due to her lapband surgery. She said she could actually put her fist in her stomach and girl had pictures. I suppose this a positive quality to possess- I can get along with anyone and enjoy discussing gangrene and pushups, particularly at mealtime. Will there be an upcoming assessment that asks whether or not I possess these traits?
It's been a rather tumultuous 6 months. On a serious note, I am going to become a great aunt. Geez. I am trying to digest that. I am taking my daughter to my niece's baby shower this weekend. My niece is 17 and a junior in high school. When I was 17, I was a freshman in college and definitely not ready to be anyone's mother. I am not going to elaborate much further on the topic, but I don't envy my niece. It is absolutely exhilarating and terrifying being a parent, so I cannot imagine how I would feel at that age. However, I wish her the best. It is very difficult for me to believe that she is going to be a mother but she is.
On a lighter note, I am going to make a committed effort to work on something to better myself. I was this close to saying I was going to give up sugar for a month, but that is unlikely. I can try, but I will probably end eating the Crystal light with a popsicle stick. However in the spirit of determination, I will give it a whirl. I should have my fill after the smorgasbord of Starburst jelly beans and warheads (xoxo)this past weekend. Once I implemented a "no sarcasm rule" in the office I shared with 2 other people. Remember this B? We could only use sarcasm once a week. After a week of absolute silence (we just nodded at each other) , we abandoned that policy as we felt those around us suffered from a lack of entertainment. Can't go back to that one, so I am going to work on just being. Perhaps work on sitting still . I don't relax or do downtime well. I fidget and it's very annoying! Why hasn't anyone told me to sit down??? It's strange because I am very laid back, but I have a difficult time just being....Which brings me to another question on one of those "tests"...Can you fall asleep watching a river? Of course my first inclination was to say, "Why would I relax and enjoy the water?" And I suppose if I just sat, I could enjoy the river, but I don't. So, the plan is to just be and go back to being fun. I think I was fun at one point. This probably should have been 2 separate paragraphs and I overused the comma.
I leave you with a cheer from my childhood...R-o-w-d-i-e that's the way we spell rowdie, rowdie, hey, hey rowdie. Get rowdie.
Friday, April 6, 2012
Tests
I have taken several tests the over the last couple of months. Personality tests, aptitude tests, Wonderlics (too bad I am not prepping for the NFL combine because apparently I would school the LSU player who scored a 4), diagnostic tests, environmental tests, and the Jeopardy online test. More on Jeopardy later or should I say, "what is more on Jeopardy later?"
Who designs some of these tests which apparently give the world an idea of how we work and play well with others? For example, one question repeatedly asked was "are you interested in learning to walk a tightrope?" Seriously? Is Ringling Brothers desperate for talent? If I answer yes should I expect a man with a top hat to ring the doorbell within seconds? Is that dream of working with Cirque du Soleil back in the picture? I think not. I'm sure that question has something to do with risk assessment and how daring you are, but last time I checked the tightrope is just not a common piece of equipment found in most back yards, unless we consider power lines a tightrope. Unfortunately, I have seen a few squirrels attempt that walk. Another question I liked was "will you walk where there are poisonous snakes?" Could this test see me snuggled up next to my Gabon Viper named Nibbles? Did they create this question after watching a few episodes of "Fatal Attractions" on Animal Planet? When are they going to ask about my pet Alvin the alligator I keep in the pool? What kind of question is that? I grew up in podunksville (no offense to anyone who still lives there) but I saw several snakes. I didn't actively seek them out as friends but eh, I'm not afraid to walk around outside-barefoot no less. Does that make me sound like hillbilly? Or better yet, what would one of those tests say about that move?
However, these tests confirm the fact that I am an absolute nerd. I love to play "Jeopardy" so my husband and I registered to take the online version. What if he did well and I choked? That would have been devastating. Wouldn't you know the first handful of questions on the test were about poetry and operas? Where were the questions about sports, geography, and pop culture? Where was the question about naming 3 people Derek Jeter dated or who sang "Mandy"? Couldn't they have thrown a girl a bone and asked me to name the original members of Duran Duran or the capital of New Mexico? This was sabotage (who are the Beastie Boys?) and a heart-breaker (who is Pat Benatar?). Was Alex Trebeck behind this? He does seem rather smug when someone has an incorrect response. Had the Jeopardy posse' formed an alliance with the personality test peeps in an attempt to break my spirit? If they were gonna break my stride that would be a one hit wonder named Matthew Wilder. Is it completely juvenile of me to admit that I actually typed in the word "leghumper" as my response by the time I got to that 3rd opera question? I'm probably blacklisted from future registrations. I feel like I am making up for the disappointment by typing the majority of this blog in the form of a question.They are so not calling me to audition and I blame an alleged popular opera from 1979 for this fallacy.
However, I wrap this blog up with a shout out to one of my favorite icons- the Cadbury bunny. I salute him/her for the marketing genius behind the mini egg. Hippity hoppity!
Who designs some of these tests which apparently give the world an idea of how we work and play well with others? For example, one question repeatedly asked was "are you interested in learning to walk a tightrope?" Seriously? Is Ringling Brothers desperate for talent? If I answer yes should I expect a man with a top hat to ring the doorbell within seconds? Is that dream of working with Cirque du Soleil back in the picture? I think not. I'm sure that question has something to do with risk assessment and how daring you are, but last time I checked the tightrope is just not a common piece of equipment found in most back yards, unless we consider power lines a tightrope. Unfortunately, I have seen a few squirrels attempt that walk. Another question I liked was "will you walk where there are poisonous snakes?" Could this test see me snuggled up next to my Gabon Viper named Nibbles? Did they create this question after watching a few episodes of "Fatal Attractions" on Animal Planet? When are they going to ask about my pet Alvin the alligator I keep in the pool? What kind of question is that? I grew up in podunksville (no offense to anyone who still lives there) but I saw several snakes. I didn't actively seek them out as friends but eh, I'm not afraid to walk around outside-barefoot no less. Does that make me sound like hillbilly? Or better yet, what would one of those tests say about that move?
However, these tests confirm the fact that I am an absolute nerd. I love to play "Jeopardy" so my husband and I registered to take the online version. What if he did well and I choked? That would have been devastating. Wouldn't you know the first handful of questions on the test were about poetry and operas? Where were the questions about sports, geography, and pop culture? Where was the question about naming 3 people Derek Jeter dated or who sang "Mandy"? Couldn't they have thrown a girl a bone and asked me to name the original members of Duran Duran or the capital of New Mexico? This was sabotage (who are the Beastie Boys?) and a heart-breaker (who is Pat Benatar?). Was Alex Trebeck behind this? He does seem rather smug when someone has an incorrect response. Had the Jeopardy posse' formed an alliance with the personality test peeps in an attempt to break my spirit? If they were gonna break my stride that would be a one hit wonder named Matthew Wilder. Is it completely juvenile of me to admit that I actually typed in the word "leghumper" as my response by the time I got to that 3rd opera question? I'm probably blacklisted from future registrations. I feel like I am making up for the disappointment by typing the majority of this blog in the form of a question.They are so not calling me to audition and I blame an alleged popular opera from 1979 for this fallacy.
However, I wrap this blog up with a shout out to one of my favorite icons- the Cadbury bunny. I salute him/her for the marketing genius behind the mini egg. Hippity hoppity!
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