Can you believe 2011 is coming to a close? What a year it has been! Each year, I don't technically make resolutions, but rather lists of things I need to work on to become a better person. One year, I put them on those giant post-it tablets and listed 86 things I needed to address. 86??? This was when I was in a self help book stage and owned a copy of a book entitled "Maybe It IS Him." I hung them up in my office because I thought it would hold me accountable. Actually, after about 2 days of looking at such an overwhelming list, I got a massive headache. So before I officially decide to commit to anything in 2012, let's take a look at some of my bad habits. I know this is probably embarrassing, but supposedly this is how you actually stay focused on the issues. You have to make it public. Not Maury public, but be honest about what you need to do. This all came to me this morning when my car wouldn't start and I was afraid I was going to have to call a towing service with some clever name like 400 Wrecker - We Tow So You Can Go.
I drink out of the milk jug. Isn't that awful and disgusting? My mother would be appalled that I am admitting that, but sometimes I'm the only drinker of the milk. Hence, I don't want to dirty a glass. That's not very dignified is it?
I'm completely mortified that I do this, but I talk over people. I hate doing that! I try to count to 5 and then speak, but inevitably someone starts saying something at that moment. It's a deplorable habit and I am SO sorry for doing that. It's truly an instance of it's me and not you.
Gosh, I've wanted to lose 10 pounds since birth even though I only weighed 7. It doesn't matter how much I weigh, I always want to lose 10. Sometimes 15. The new theory is that you should chronicle your efforts with youtube videos in conjunction with a food diary and ask for feedback. That is why there is this deluge of videos of people trying to fit into jeans 4 sizes too small. Seriously. Google "wiggling into jeans" and you will be astonished at what people post. I think I will pass on the video aspect as I'm trying to hang on to a few friends. And a food journal? Here is a start. I had some triscuits with wasabi mustard, part of an apple, and a slice of cheese. That's probably not going to win any nutrition awards. Mmmmm. Maybe I will post a food journal after all.
And finally, worry less. I used to never, ever worry. Now, I take it to the extreme. Worry solves nothing and causes significant lines on your forehead (or fivehead in my case as my forehead is ginormous). I can only control what I can control and everything has a way of working itself out the way it is supposed to be. I think. At least that is what I try to convince myself of thinking.
Stay tuned....
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Forks in life, long car rides, and darn those people who can actually sing!
As 2011 draws to a close, I find myself at yet another fork in life. Not a pitchfork, probably more like a salad fork or perhaps a dinner fork, but well maybe it's more of an identity crisis? We all have issues but wouldn't it be nice if life was like a a cup of fat free coconut/chocolate yogurt? You would get to experience an "Almond Joy" without the guilt. As I always say, I will figure it out at some point. However, one thing I realized I have not figured out, is how to ensure a nice car ride with kids.
I decided to take my daughter to visit her grandparents for a few days. My oldest son is with his other grandparents, so this means Lambchop would be an only goblin for a few days. And I need to chill out a bit and regroup, so this is a brilliant idea on paper. The car ride down to the grandparents was relatively uneventful. My daughter even mentioned that she didn't mind "listening to old people's music" when Green Day came on the radio. That was really big of her since I was all Selena Gomezed and Katy Perry'd out for the ride. The visit was short (because trust me, my daughter doesn't want me there) and Lambchop and I were on our way back home. I should point out that Lambchop is obsessed with vacuum cleaners. It's an unhealthy obsession. He got one for Christmas and I knew this vacuum cleaner would become an issue. First, he had to have all 3 of his babies and the vacuum cleaner in his lap in the car. He is almost 2, but his lap is just not that big. Then he started hitting me in the back of the head with the vacuum cleaner and crying "vacuum. vacuum." Gosh, I'm sorry. I can't really pull off the highway and turn on this annoying vacuum cleaner. Perhaps it was the hair clip that has been on top of my head since 1992 that made me feel like a power drill was being inserted into my head. No, maybe it was the screaming child yelling at me to turn on a vacuum cleaner while I was on 75 that was giving me a headache. I pulled over 4 times within 30 minutes to adjust this vacuum cleaner and he was still unhappy. So was I. Then he started screaming louder as if I hadn't heard the first hour of screaming. I realized he had a snotty nose from his blubbering, so the fifth time I pulled over I wiped his nose with his sock. Yes, I realize that isn't sanitary, but at least I didn't spit on a napkin to clean his face. Now that is nasty! He just kept whining "vacuum, vacuum" so I decided entertainment was the only route left. I told him (and reminded myself) that I used to LOVE to karaoke years ago. Strange since he has no idea what I was talking about!
Ah, karaoke. I used to have this rotation of songs that I sang with a friend. I never divulged my real name and I always sang at least 2 hours from where I lived. We called ourselves Sasha's Chicken (don't all great bands start with a name like that?) and sang classics such as "Love Will Keep Us Together", "When Will I Be Loved", and "Proud Mary." Each song had this respective dance that went along with the song. Occasionally, when I felt daring (and the audience seemed particularly intoxicated) I sang by myself. That was when I cracked out "Top of the World" by the Carpenters. It was as close as I could get to having my own variety show. Speaking of songs and variety shows, one of the greatest one hit wonders ever is a song called "Hotline" by the Sylvers. I remember seeing them perform on some bad 70s show. They wore these great shoulder baring, bell bottom red jumpsuits with silver fringe (perhaps that paid homage to the band's name?) hanging from the sleeves and had long straight hair. That was the life I envisioned for myself at age 5- a fashion icon with a flat iron. I heard the song in Walgreens a couple of years ago but have been unable to locate the tune. The song is unforgettable. "Stop all the calls in the world. Til I get you girl. Get you at ho-oo-oome. I asked the CIA, they said it was okay." Must find this song..OMG!!! I just googled the Sylvers and still don't have my song but they sang "Boogie Fever"??? I had no idea they had multiple songs or perhaps I forgot. I mean I haven't really listened to them as of late. Wow! Where have I been? Now on to find another song called "Pride" by a totally random band named King. I digress...
So I sang for the baby. Whatever was on the radio and the choices were slim in south GA. Edison Lighthouse (Love grows where my rosemary grows and nobody knows but me) , Lionel Richie (I had no idea I remembered the words to "Stuck On You"-I should have forgotten them), the Doors, 2 versions of "Suspicious Minds" (Elvis and FYC), and even a song by Allison Krauss I learned while working in a saloon right after college. It was the kind of place where people ordered a filet mignon (pronounced the way it was spelled) well done with a Caesar salad with Thousand Island dressing. Yeah. But Lambchop was still whiny so I switched to some type of retro rock show. Amazingly, he started to settle down with classics such as Motley Crue's "10 Seconds to Love", "For Those About to Rock", followed by "Real Love" by Slaughter. I told him the video featured Shannen Doherty and she was labeled a "bad girl" because she was married to Ashley Hamilton for less than 3 months. Nowadays, that is considered a silver anniversary. By the time, Bon Jovi's "Dead or Alive" came on, someone was resting peacefully.......Maybe he was bored by my incessant blabbing on useless music trivia? Perhaps this is why teenagers don't acknowledge their parents? Am I laying the foundation for this during the toddler years?
Anyway, he nestled in and slept peacefully for the remaining 2 hours. But I was reflecting on those karaoke days. Inevitably, there were 2 absolutes during a night of karaoke. Someone always sang "Black Velvet" (horrible song) and there was always someone who sounded FABULOUS! I always rolled my eyes when those people performed because you certainly didn't want to sing AFTER them. No, no, no. It only highlighted your deficiencies. It was imperative that you ask to sing after the people who were slurring or barely coherent. That was the way to make yourself sound like a stellar supahstah!
And I leave you with, "My mama told me, you better shop around. Uh huh. "
I decided to take my daughter to visit her grandparents for a few days. My oldest son is with his other grandparents, so this means Lambchop would be an only goblin for a few days. And I need to chill out a bit and regroup, so this is a brilliant idea on paper. The car ride down to the grandparents was relatively uneventful. My daughter even mentioned that she didn't mind "listening to old people's music" when Green Day came on the radio. That was really big of her since I was all Selena Gomezed and Katy Perry'd out for the ride. The visit was short (because trust me, my daughter doesn't want me there) and Lambchop and I were on our way back home. I should point out that Lambchop is obsessed with vacuum cleaners. It's an unhealthy obsession. He got one for Christmas and I knew this vacuum cleaner would become an issue. First, he had to have all 3 of his babies and the vacuum cleaner in his lap in the car. He is almost 2, but his lap is just not that big. Then he started hitting me in the back of the head with the vacuum cleaner and crying "vacuum. vacuum." Gosh, I'm sorry. I can't really pull off the highway and turn on this annoying vacuum cleaner. Perhaps it was the hair clip that has been on top of my head since 1992 that made me feel like a power drill was being inserted into my head. No, maybe it was the screaming child yelling at me to turn on a vacuum cleaner while I was on 75 that was giving me a headache. I pulled over 4 times within 30 minutes to adjust this vacuum cleaner and he was still unhappy. So was I. Then he started screaming louder as if I hadn't heard the first hour of screaming. I realized he had a snotty nose from his blubbering, so the fifth time I pulled over I wiped his nose with his sock. Yes, I realize that isn't sanitary, but at least I didn't spit on a napkin to clean his face. Now that is nasty! He just kept whining "vacuum, vacuum" so I decided entertainment was the only route left. I told him (and reminded myself) that I used to LOVE to karaoke years ago. Strange since he has no idea what I was talking about!
Ah, karaoke. I used to have this rotation of songs that I sang with a friend. I never divulged my real name and I always sang at least 2 hours from where I lived. We called ourselves Sasha's Chicken (don't all great bands start with a name like that?) and sang classics such as "Love Will Keep Us Together", "When Will I Be Loved", and "Proud Mary." Each song had this respective dance that went along with the song. Occasionally, when I felt daring (and the audience seemed particularly intoxicated) I sang by myself. That was when I cracked out "Top of the World" by the Carpenters. It was as close as I could get to having my own variety show. Speaking of songs and variety shows, one of the greatest one hit wonders ever is a song called "Hotline" by the Sylvers. I remember seeing them perform on some bad 70s show. They wore these great shoulder baring, bell bottom red jumpsuits with silver fringe (perhaps that paid homage to the band's name?) hanging from the sleeves and had long straight hair. That was the life I envisioned for myself at age 5- a fashion icon with a flat iron. I heard the song in Walgreens a couple of years ago but have been unable to locate the tune. The song is unforgettable. "Stop all the calls in the world. Til I get you girl. Get you at ho-oo-oome. I asked the CIA, they said it was okay." Must find this song..OMG!!! I just googled the Sylvers and still don't have my song but they sang "Boogie Fever"??? I had no idea they had multiple songs or perhaps I forgot. I mean I haven't really listened to them as of late. Wow! Where have I been? Now on to find another song called "Pride" by a totally random band named King. I digress...
So I sang for the baby. Whatever was on the radio and the choices were slim in south GA. Edison Lighthouse (Love grows where my rosemary grows and nobody knows but me) , Lionel Richie (I had no idea I remembered the words to "Stuck On You"-I should have forgotten them), the Doors, 2 versions of "Suspicious Minds" (Elvis and FYC), and even a song by Allison Krauss I learned while working in a saloon right after college. It was the kind of place where people ordered a filet mignon (pronounced the way it was spelled) well done with a Caesar salad with Thousand Island dressing. Yeah. But Lambchop was still whiny so I switched to some type of retro rock show. Amazingly, he started to settle down with classics such as Motley Crue's "10 Seconds to Love", "For Those About to Rock", followed by "Real Love" by Slaughter. I told him the video featured Shannen Doherty and she was labeled a "bad girl" because she was married to Ashley Hamilton for less than 3 months. Nowadays, that is considered a silver anniversary. By the time, Bon Jovi's "Dead or Alive" came on, someone was resting peacefully.......Maybe he was bored by my incessant blabbing on useless music trivia? Perhaps this is why teenagers don't acknowledge their parents? Am I laying the foundation for this during the toddler years?
Anyway, he nestled in and slept peacefully for the remaining 2 hours. But I was reflecting on those karaoke days. Inevitably, there were 2 absolutes during a night of karaoke. Someone always sang "Black Velvet" (horrible song) and there was always someone who sounded FABULOUS! I always rolled my eyes when those people performed because you certainly didn't want to sing AFTER them. No, no, no. It only highlighted your deficiencies. It was imperative that you ask to sing after the people who were slurring or barely coherent. That was the way to make yourself sound like a stellar supahstah!
And I leave you with, "My mama told me, you better shop around. Uh huh. "
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Happy Holidays! Infomercial items-boom or bust?
I am updating this blog on Christmas. Now this IS dedication! Since many people exchange gifts during the holidays, I thought I would share what I have found to one of the best gifts ever. I have shared how much of a devotee' of the infomercial I am I'm sure. A few years ago my MIL got me the Sham Wow Super absorbent cloths which allegedly will soak up the Pacific Ocean should you have that type of spill. I can't vouch for that type of absorbency, but well, they work. Unfortunately, they don't remove that permanent "sticky" on everything that is associated with having 3 little people. On a 1-10 , I give them a 6.
While I was pregnant with Lambchop, I decided I needed a spinning mop. Granted, I enjoy mopping as much as I enjoyed having food poisoning, but at least the spinning mop looked disco-riffic. The spinning mop came with directions in a language I am not familiar with, but even I could decipher some typos. Your confidence drops when the instructions have typos. It just feels deceptive. However, the mop worked well before my oldest son broke the handle. You see, everyone was smitten with the spinning mop and wanted to see what kind of magic occurred when you used said mop. Concept-10. Usability-2.
Right after the birth of Lambchop almost 2 years ago, I would watch tv in the middle of the night while nursing him. This is big for me as I am not a big tv watcher. Lo and behold, there was allegedly this miracle sulfate free shampoo/rinse that permanently eradicated frizz. You would pump some crazy number (48 to be exact) pumps of this stuff in your hair, rinse and say goodbye to the "I stuck my finger in an electric socket look." AND, the show was hosted by Alyssa Milano. This had to be legit! Would I finally be saying to my crazy hair "Who's the Boss" now, frizz? So, I broke down and had a very difficult time biting on this exorbitant price tag, but thought a miracle in a bottle might be arriving. Eh, I think because you put so much of the stuff on your hair, there is no way your hair can't be smooth. But, I felt like I had melted candle wax on my hair. Boo hiss. I give it a 4 out of 10.
I should absolutely be ashamed of this next breakdown, but I will blame it on location as I was visiting the parental unit. The infomercial for the Genie Bra came on and I decided to look up from my magazine. They paraded these women out in their ill fitting bras (supposedly 90% of women wear the wrong bra size) and then, BAM! The genie bra made them look like back up Victoria's Secret models minus the wings, feathers, and sequins. I should know better than anyone NOT to be fooled by anything garment related. Right after I got out of college, J Crew made a killing on me as I was bamboozled by the catalog that arrived. Yes, I will look just fabulous in those tan corduroy pants with the argyle vest while holding a daisy in that beautiful meadow. No, that 5'11 size 0 model with legs that equaled my height looked good in those corduroy pants. I looked like a small oak tree. Anyway, could this Genie Bra work some magic? I never believed I was in the 90% of ill fitting bra peeps, because prior to Lambchop I wore a negative A, but perhaps I needed a boost post Lambchop. The GB gets an 9 for comfort and a 5 for results. However, I am not sure what I was expecting. Perhaps only a little surgery could help and I'm not doing that.
However, there is one item that I unequivocally declare one of the greatest inventions of all time. I'm always cold. FREEZING! My MIL gave me a Snuggie one year which should have been a homerun, except the designers of the Snuggie clearly designed for someone of LeBron James' stature and not me. Not to mention, I felt like some kind of deity in the cardinal color with about 4 feet of fabric trailing behind me. Where is a scepter and crown when you need one? No, I asked for and received 2, yes 2, Forever Lazys for my birthday. Granted, these things are not attractive. It's a giant onesie for adults but I love it! I do have one observation on the Lazy. I know obesity is a terrible epidemic for our society, but have we become so lazy as a culture that we require a zipper above your butt? Allegedly, that is in case you want to wear this thing out in public (WHAT????). Are we so slack that we can't unzip it in the front? If I ever venture out of the house in this hideous (yet very warm and cozy) getup, I can admit that I have officially waived the white flag. The Lazy gets a 10 for warmth and comfort but a 1 for appearances. Although, I have to admit, I feel like an astronaut in this. I can just hear "Major Tom" by Peter Schilling playing in the background as I step into my gray Forever Lazy.
In the words of the great Porky Pig, "That's all folks." Happy Holidays!
While I was pregnant with Lambchop, I decided I needed a spinning mop. Granted, I enjoy mopping as much as I enjoyed having food poisoning, but at least the spinning mop looked disco-riffic. The spinning mop came with directions in a language I am not familiar with, but even I could decipher some typos. Your confidence drops when the instructions have typos. It just feels deceptive. However, the mop worked well before my oldest son broke the handle. You see, everyone was smitten with the spinning mop and wanted to see what kind of magic occurred when you used said mop. Concept-10. Usability-2.
Right after the birth of Lambchop almost 2 years ago, I would watch tv in the middle of the night while nursing him. This is big for me as I am not a big tv watcher. Lo and behold, there was allegedly this miracle sulfate free shampoo/rinse that permanently eradicated frizz. You would pump some crazy number (48 to be exact) pumps of this stuff in your hair, rinse and say goodbye to the "I stuck my finger in an electric socket look." AND, the show was hosted by Alyssa Milano. This had to be legit! Would I finally be saying to my crazy hair "Who's the Boss" now, frizz? So, I broke down and had a very difficult time biting on this exorbitant price tag, but thought a miracle in a bottle might be arriving. Eh, I think because you put so much of the stuff on your hair, there is no way your hair can't be smooth. But, I felt like I had melted candle wax on my hair. Boo hiss. I give it a 4 out of 10.
I should absolutely be ashamed of this next breakdown, but I will blame it on location as I was visiting the parental unit. The infomercial for the Genie Bra came on and I decided to look up from my magazine. They paraded these women out in their ill fitting bras (supposedly 90% of women wear the wrong bra size) and then, BAM! The genie bra made them look like back up Victoria's Secret models minus the wings, feathers, and sequins. I should know better than anyone NOT to be fooled by anything garment related. Right after I got out of college, J Crew made a killing on me as I was bamboozled by the catalog that arrived. Yes, I will look just fabulous in those tan corduroy pants with the argyle vest while holding a daisy in that beautiful meadow. No, that 5'11 size 0 model with legs that equaled my height looked good in those corduroy pants. I looked like a small oak tree. Anyway, could this Genie Bra work some magic? I never believed I was in the 90% of ill fitting bra peeps, because prior to Lambchop I wore a negative A, but perhaps I needed a boost post Lambchop. The GB gets an 9 for comfort and a 5 for results. However, I am not sure what I was expecting. Perhaps only a little surgery could help and I'm not doing that.
However, there is one item that I unequivocally declare one of the greatest inventions of all time. I'm always cold. FREEZING! My MIL gave me a Snuggie one year which should have been a homerun, except the designers of the Snuggie clearly designed for someone of LeBron James' stature and not me. Not to mention, I felt like some kind of deity in the cardinal color with about 4 feet of fabric trailing behind me. Where is a scepter and crown when you need one? No, I asked for and received 2, yes 2, Forever Lazys for my birthday. Granted, these things are not attractive. It's a giant onesie for adults but I love it! I do have one observation on the Lazy. I know obesity is a terrible epidemic for our society, but have we become so lazy as a culture that we require a zipper above your butt? Allegedly, that is in case you want to wear this thing out in public (WHAT????). Are we so slack that we can't unzip it in the front? If I ever venture out of the house in this hideous (yet very warm and cozy) getup, I can admit that I have officially waived the white flag. The Lazy gets a 10 for warmth and comfort but a 1 for appearances. Although, I have to admit, I feel like an astronaut in this. I can just hear "Major Tom" by Peter Schilling playing in the background as I step into my gray Forever Lazy.
In the words of the great Porky Pig, "That's all folks." Happy Holidays!
Friday, December 23, 2011
The Holiday Edition
Haven't I been the ultimate slacker updating this blog? Can I blame it on the craziness of December and being distracted with other issues in life? Actually, it's my blog and I can blame it on whatever I want. I can blame it on the rain a la Milli Vanilli. Blame it on the stars that shine at night. Whatever you do, don't put the blame on you, blame it on the rain. Exactly.
So my husband asks why I never write about him. Hmmmmmm. Remember, he says this blog isn't funny. But, I will oblige and share a story. I was surveying the pantry to see what would be needed for our annual family Christmas Eve gathering. I picked up a box of triscuits (top open of course) and lo and behold a single triscuit and 2 slithers of a triscuit are left in the open box. Now why does one leave a triscuit and a half? Were you so stuffed after eating the triscuits that you thought a triscuit and a half would be an adequate snack for a visiting squirrel? I couldn't really serve a variety of cheeses and a triscuit at the soiree', because of course no one would want to be the person who ate the triscuit. He also mentioned that I was being a taskmaster because I said people need to throw their trash away and not leave it on the kitchen counter. Hello? It's a slippery slope. Haven't you seen "Hoarders"? First it's a little dust and some boxes stacked up in the garage and then BAM! They are surrounded by 2 years worth of garbage because they were "just too busy" to take the trash outside.
Anyway, I am a bit of a procrastinator when it comes to Christmas. I'm uber impressed with those people that send me holiday cards with photos of the kids in green and red striped outfits. One year, I sent Christmas cards in January. I had every intention of sending them out in December, but no one has ever cooperated and posed for a family photo. No. No. No. I send out WWF (not the wrestling organization) cards. That is when I actually send them out to people. Yes, I have to wrap gifts tomorrow morning before the guests get here (wouldn't want to do that too far in advance). I'm certainly impressed by those people who keep moving that elf thing around the house. The only elf I am familiar with is Buddy, and we have no statue of Will Ferrell in our house. I should be better at these things, but I'm not exactly Martha Stewart, though I loved that poncho she had on when she left the big house! I guess I'm doing okay. Decorations are in the yard, stockings are up, and I stocked up on spirits for the gathering. Doesn't that count as holiday party planning? It's certainly more than I did for Thanksgiving where we make a trek to the Golden Corral to see this much ballyhooed chocolate fountain. The kids were expecting a fountain similar to those at the Bellagio, but it was more like that volcano Peter built on the Brady Bunch. Yes, I give myself a solid B-/C+ for Christmas preparation.
But really, what crazy fool ventures out to the grocery store on December 23rd? Yeah, that would be me. Last year I went on the 24th and I swore I would not do that again. I backed it up an entire day. The store is filled with novices who don't understand that you are supposed to race thru the store at break neck speed and keep it moving. I even took my 6 year old daughter with me who was sporting a Santa hat. She spent a significant amount of time admiring herself in the doors on the frozen food aisles. "I really rock this hat don't I mommy?" was a comment coming from her as she surveyed the frozen broccoli section followed by, "I'm a really cute little Santa's helper." The girl has confidence and that is a good thing. She will need it because society isn't always so kind.
Yes, we will have football food on Christmas Eve and a choice of beverages. The little people will discuss Santa's arrival. It's not fancy or extravagant, but it's sufficient. Many people aren't so fortunate, so I consider myself lucky and grateful. Cheers!
So my husband asks why I never write about him. Hmmmmmm. Remember, he says this blog isn't funny. But, I will oblige and share a story. I was surveying the pantry to see what would be needed for our annual family Christmas Eve gathering. I picked up a box of triscuits (top open of course) and lo and behold a single triscuit and 2 slithers of a triscuit are left in the open box. Now why does one leave a triscuit and a half? Were you so stuffed after eating the triscuits that you thought a triscuit and a half would be an adequate snack for a visiting squirrel? I couldn't really serve a variety of cheeses and a triscuit at the soiree', because of course no one would want to be the person who ate the triscuit. He also mentioned that I was being a taskmaster because I said people need to throw their trash away and not leave it on the kitchen counter. Hello? It's a slippery slope. Haven't you seen "Hoarders"? First it's a little dust and some boxes stacked up in the garage and then BAM! They are surrounded by 2 years worth of garbage because they were "just too busy" to take the trash outside.
Anyway, I am a bit of a procrastinator when it comes to Christmas. I'm uber impressed with those people that send me holiday cards with photos of the kids in green and red striped outfits. One year, I sent Christmas cards in January. I had every intention of sending them out in December, but no one has ever cooperated and posed for a family photo. No. No. No. I send out WWF (not the wrestling organization) cards. That is when I actually send them out to people. Yes, I have to wrap gifts tomorrow morning before the guests get here (wouldn't want to do that too far in advance). I'm certainly impressed by those people who keep moving that elf thing around the house. The only elf I am familiar with is Buddy, and we have no statue of Will Ferrell in our house. I should be better at these things, but I'm not exactly Martha Stewart, though I loved that poncho she had on when she left the big house! I guess I'm doing okay. Decorations are in the yard, stockings are up, and I stocked up on spirits for the gathering. Doesn't that count as holiday party planning? It's certainly more than I did for Thanksgiving where we make a trek to the Golden Corral to see this much ballyhooed chocolate fountain. The kids were expecting a fountain similar to those at the Bellagio, but it was more like that volcano Peter built on the Brady Bunch. Yes, I give myself a solid B-/C+ for Christmas preparation.
But really, what crazy fool ventures out to the grocery store on December 23rd? Yeah, that would be me. Last year I went on the 24th and I swore I would not do that again. I backed it up an entire day. The store is filled with novices who don't understand that you are supposed to race thru the store at break neck speed and keep it moving. I even took my 6 year old daughter with me who was sporting a Santa hat. She spent a significant amount of time admiring herself in the doors on the frozen food aisles. "I really rock this hat don't I mommy?" was a comment coming from her as she surveyed the frozen broccoli section followed by, "I'm a really cute little Santa's helper." The girl has confidence and that is a good thing. She will need it because society isn't always so kind.
Yes, we will have football food on Christmas Eve and a choice of beverages. The little people will discuss Santa's arrival. It's not fancy or extravagant, but it's sufficient. Many people aren't so fortunate, so I consider myself lucky and grateful. Cheers!
Friday, December 2, 2011
Championship Week and the Holidays
Hi Everyone! I've noticed I have quite a few visitors from a country that allegedly has the highest number of identity thieves. A word of advice to those peeps if they are trying to become T2, don't bother. My bank account is small, I need plastic surgery, and I have a sense of humor that is not for many. There are many cooler, wealthier people to become so aim higher.
So instead of doing the song and dance on Thanksgiving that many do, we headed to the Golden Corral to see this alleged 8th wonder of the world known as the "Chocolate Fountain." The kids were disappointed as they thought it was going to be more like Niagara Falls. However, the one thing about the Corral is that choices are bountiful and I never worry about the kids making a mess. I like anyplace that presents over 30 (gasp) dessert options.
Speaking of the holidays, we had internet woes earlier this week so I worked at the workspace for urban, wannabe hipsters. That's right. Yes, I walked up and ordered a pretentious venti, non fat, no whip, 1/2 pump salted caramel mocha at Starbucks. The one thing I have noticed as of late is that the music is so loud at Starbucks that everyone just yells at each other. No wonder most people kept their ear muffs on all day. To make matters worse, I can only take so many Christmas songs by Karen Carpenter and Michael Buble before I want to hole up in a dark room with Ben & Jerry.
It's the week for many inaugural (albeit terrible looking) championship games, so let's get it started:
Oregon vs UCLA-OMG! When I heard UCLA was in a championship game of any kind I immediately googled to see if there was an error. They are absolutely terrible, but when you hear Ducks versus Bears you immediately think grizzly right? This game will be a combination of grizzly and ghastly. Quack Attack 48-7
VA Tech vs Clemson- Allegedly, they can't pay peeps to go to the ACC Championship game, so expect to see a crowd of 10 or so there. Clemson was dismantled by NC State a few weeks and ago. VA Tech is the exact same team each year. Good, but not that good. I like Beamer's teamer 28-20.
Syracuse vs Pitt-Too bad this isn't hoops. The Big East should not be in any kind of BCS game. It would be more fun to watch me as QB in a game provided I could see over the line. This game will be boring, painful, and terrible. Those are the highlights. The last time Syracuse was good a guy named McNabb was QB. It's anyone's guess, so I like Syracuse in an upset.
Oklahoma and Oklahoma State-Both teams choked as expected but some say OSU should be in the BCS game if they win out. Whatevs! They lost to Iowa State. I've been to that campus and I'm sure "Children of the Corn the Revenge" was shot in Aimes. Stoops and company will swoop in with a squeaker in a high scoring game. The O-48 The other OSU-45
LSU vs UGA- UGA overcame 2 early losses to end up winning the SEC East. No offense to anyone, but I don't think the SEC East is particularly loaded. Again, an SEC East Championship is an SEC East Championship...so it's a bonus. I expect this game to be close for a half before the 2nd half looks like an episode of "Fatal Attractions" on Animal Planet. Russ is cute isn't he? By midway thru the 3rd quarter,you will want the camera on him versus the field. I could certainly be wrong, but I just don't think the Dawgs can win. (maybe reverse psychology will work here?) LSU-38 UGA-21
In the words of those iconic songsters Tag Team, "Whoop! There it is!"
*****I had a really funny thought for paragraph 3, but I skipped it. Alas, I don't want to offend anyone. Sigh.***
So instead of doing the song and dance on Thanksgiving that many do, we headed to the Golden Corral to see this alleged 8th wonder of the world known as the "Chocolate Fountain." The kids were disappointed as they thought it was going to be more like Niagara Falls. However, the one thing about the Corral is that choices are bountiful and I never worry about the kids making a mess. I like anyplace that presents over 30 (gasp) dessert options.
Speaking of the holidays, we had internet woes earlier this week so I worked at the workspace for urban, wannabe hipsters. That's right. Yes, I walked up and ordered a pretentious venti, non fat, no whip, 1/2 pump salted caramel mocha at Starbucks. The one thing I have noticed as of late is that the music is so loud at Starbucks that everyone just yells at each other. No wonder most people kept their ear muffs on all day. To make matters worse, I can only take so many Christmas songs by Karen Carpenter and Michael Buble before I want to hole up in a dark room with Ben & Jerry.
It's the week for many inaugural (albeit terrible looking) championship games, so let's get it started:
Oregon vs UCLA-OMG! When I heard UCLA was in a championship game of any kind I immediately googled to see if there was an error. They are absolutely terrible, but when you hear Ducks versus Bears you immediately think grizzly right? This game will be a combination of grizzly and ghastly. Quack Attack 48-7
VA Tech vs Clemson- Allegedly, they can't pay peeps to go to the ACC Championship game, so expect to see a crowd of 10 or so there. Clemson was dismantled by NC State a few weeks and ago. VA Tech is the exact same team each year. Good, but not that good. I like Beamer's teamer 28-20.
Syracuse vs Pitt-Too bad this isn't hoops. The Big East should not be in any kind of BCS game. It would be more fun to watch me as QB in a game provided I could see over the line. This game will be boring, painful, and terrible. Those are the highlights. The last time Syracuse was good a guy named McNabb was QB. It's anyone's guess, so I like Syracuse in an upset.
Oklahoma and Oklahoma State-Both teams choked as expected but some say OSU should be in the BCS game if they win out. Whatevs! They lost to Iowa State. I've been to that campus and I'm sure "Children of the Corn the Revenge" was shot in Aimes. Stoops and company will swoop in with a squeaker in a high scoring game. The O-48 The other OSU-45
LSU vs UGA- UGA overcame 2 early losses to end up winning the SEC East. No offense to anyone, but I don't think the SEC East is particularly loaded. Again, an SEC East Championship is an SEC East Championship...so it's a bonus. I expect this game to be close for a half before the 2nd half looks like an episode of "Fatal Attractions" on Animal Planet. Russ is cute isn't he? By midway thru the 3rd quarter,you will want the camera on him versus the field. I could certainly be wrong, but I just don't think the Dawgs can win. (maybe reverse psychology will work here?) LSU-38 UGA-21
In the words of those iconic songsters Tag Team, "Whoop! There it is!"
*****I had a really funny thought for paragraph 3, but I skipped it. Alas, I don't want to offend anyone. Sigh.***
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