OMG! It has been forever since I have posted. And the best part is that I am super caffeinated so we can all enjoy a laugh at the crazy that is my life. Would you like cream and sugar? Cause I may be short on the sugah:)
I would post a pic of myself in some Kim Kardashian custom made shorts but I want you to keep reading. So, let me give you a brief rundown of the last year or so...I lost 235 (divorce not gastric bypass), Liam still poops in his pants (each week at Boy Scouts), and the older 2 play hoops (LeBron-you have no competition). I have the best X-ILs in the world (and I wish my ex peace) and my dog thinks I am the shizzle. Seriously. He is always happy to see me even though he has been terribly expensive as of late. Perhaps it's time for him to get cast in one of those "Kibbles & Bits" commercials. I have always tried to do the right thing and admittedly, it has been a challenge. I'm healthy, pretty darn happy, have a great job, 3 fantastic kids, and wonderful friends and family who have listened to me laugh, occasionally cry, and encouraged me not to close the freezer door on my head those days when I get frustrated. Really. It doesn't get much better than my life and I am blessed in every facet. My only regret is that since I'm single I wish I had gotten a tummy tuck post 3rd kid. Yes, Liam, you are lucky you are cute but I blame you for muscle separation.
I have been working hard to live an authentic, honest life with no regrets. How am I doing? I have no clue. I don't know what I'm giving off, but I am just freaking flooded with kindness and I am very grateful. Peeps mow my yard. Random strangers buy my stuff. Buy my kids toys. At Disney, someone bought our dinner. Someone paid for my oil change. Boom! Living right....maybe? My kids actually think that it's good to hang out with me because "we don't know what we will get." And I have been hit on a lot! (English wizards, if you are reading then I want you to know that I know the term "a lot" is a violation of good use of the English language. Cut a sister some slack!) 20 year olds (no thanks-not interested in students, but I do appreciate the free drinks at the QT!!!) all the way to 70 year olds (no thanks to you either but I hear men are a hot ticket at the assisted living home. Allegedly there are like 5 chicks to every dude.) Some guy came up to me at Starbucks and asked if he could read my necklace. I'll just tell you what it says-don't touch it- thanks! But what this all leaves me with is....what am I like right now? Should I become a cat lady? Should I start drinking coffee at dinner and knitting? No, I really like guys too much for that. I mean, I have no problem meeting guys but I have to meet some I like. How do I do that?? Do they exist? Are they like Big Foot and only exist on Animal Planet?
I'm smart. I'm funny. I have a kick booty Wonderlic score which hasn't led to any NFL signing bonuses. I'm fiercely independent. I'm kind of cute. But for the love of googly, I don't have baggage, I have a freaking set of designer luggage. And in the spirit of candor, there is a greater chance that a kangaroo will knock on your door (unless you are in Australia) than me being attracted to someone. Some days I so wish I was a guy. Don't they supposedly like everyone and everything? I kid:) And I so don't know how to act when I meet someone I'm attracted to which brings me to......
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