College Football Picks Week 2

Word up! First, a brief recap of some world news of the week. Ariel Castro-outie. Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones-finito. Gwen Stefani-expecting. Katie Couric-engaged. George Zimmerman's marriage-done. Lamar Odom-rehab/no rehab. Brooke Mueller-always needs rehab. Terrell Pryor-starting. Brady Quinn-employed. Matt Leinhart-unemployed. Manziel-tool. Alyssa Milano showing her boobs to support Syrians-who's the boob? Syria-cluster. And if I see another Robin Thicke article I  will actually puke on this blog. Yes, there will be actual images of vomit on my next blog entry.  I can't take another publicist's plant telling me that "I just wouldn't believe how hot Robin is in person." They're right. I wouldn't. 

Did you watch the UGA game last week? Right. The lone highlight pictured below.

Poor Russ had the right idea by sleeping through missed opportunities. Sigh. It's a new week, but a note about last week. I loathe when the "experts" spew utter and complete garbage. Mr. Expert: "Kansas State can still win the BCS even though they lost to North Dakota State." What is bull shizzle, Alex? Mr. Super Expert: "This was just a hiccup for UGA. They can still win the BCS." Please start taking your medication. I'm not a doubter. I'm a realist. This is not happening.  

Florida at Miami-I keep hearing the Canes are back. I will believe it when I see it. I expect to see Al Golden and Will Muschamp sweating profusely on the sideline. They won't be raising their hands because they are sure.  Gators make me gag. But I think they win. Chomp 28 Canes-17

Oregon at Virginia -Cavs had the last minute moves like Jagger against BYU last week while (are you ready???) the Ducks waddled all over Nichols State (what the cluck???) Ducks ruffled some feathers of the NCAA but only received some laughable punishment.  I'm not sure playing VA adds to your out of conference strength of schedule, but a W is a W. Quack Attack-48 Cavaliers-10

Notre Dame at Michigan-ESPN is actually handing out drool cups to their prognosticators in preparation for this game. Mark May and Lou Holtz positively salivate over this match up each year.  Actually,  Lou Holtz salivates over everything. Buh-bam. Michigan peeps think Brady Hoke is their guy while Notre Dame is ready to show the world they aren't that pile of dog poo that showed up in the BCS championship against Alabama. They can blame that media ho Lennay Kukua (Congratulations Lennay for making Maxim's 100 hottest women-the only woman on the list who never takes a bad pic) for laying an egg in that game. ND also lost their QB Golston to some academic woes so it's a new year for the Irish. Brian Kelly is a good coach, but I take the Wolves in da big house. 31-30. (This means ND will win. Watch)

Washington State at USC-Cougars battled it out with Auburn last week only to leave with their tails tucked between their legs. Lane Kiffin & company has been strangely quiet this year after the media assured us last year that a) Matt Barkley would win the Heisman b)hence, becoming the 1st pick of the NFL Draft c) just a few months after winning the BCS. Which of those 3 things occurred? Right. I'll take the song girls this week. Trojans 35-24

****Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner Game of the Week****

South Carolina at UGA-What can I say? I totally forgot that we lost to SC 35-7 last year, but a friend texted me to remind me of that event. Like Dionne said before facing tax evasion, "That's What Friends Are For." From what I could tell last week, UGA's offensive line looked a bit porous-like a large block of swiss cheese.  I hope Kenarious Gates was eating his Wheaties this week because he will be going head to head with that lazy, out of shape slob (haaaaa!) Jadaveon Clowney. Aaron Murray seems like  a really nice kid who is good for a big turnover every game. Generally, a fumble deep in their own territory or occasionally a pick six (those are never desirable). However, he will break all kinds of UGA passing records which looks nice on a resume. Darth Visor and company has won 3 in a row. Again, not being  a downer because I think the Dawgs regroup BUT it will be after this game. At least Russ will be comfortable on his block of ice. Make it 4 for the Gamecocks 28-24. (Perhaps reverse psychology is in play here and they prove me wrong.)

For the record, if the Broncos don't seal the deal this year (and I don't think they do), it will be because they have too many players from the University of Kentucky. Haters gonna hate!

Pro picks up tomorrow.