Week 1 of College Foozeball

Do you know what day of the week it is? Woot woot! Yay, yay! That's right. It's the day before college football begins. Btw, I have a brilliant idea I'm working on and it's the first one I've had since 1997. So let's sing that awful song "Celebration" by Kool & the Gang. It's time to come together. It's up to you. What's your pleasure? Everyone around the world, come on. And let's talk some football! For those of you that have been holding your breath, please exhale. You don't look good blue.

Alabama vs Virginia Tech- A recent article says that Nick Saban eats 2 Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream pies for breakfast each day. Really? Hello Nick! You are the reigning BCS Champion. Live a little and indulge in the GOOD Little Debbie products like the Banana Twins http://www.littledebbie.com/www/docs/109/little-debbie-snack-cakes or at least the football brownies http://www.littledebbie.com/www/docs/147/--seasonal-snacks. This is the Chick Fil-A kick off game so hopefully Mr. Saban will wash the Little Debbie's down with a Mocha Cookie Crumble shake. SHAZAAM! Alabama lost some guys to the NFL, but the folks waiting in the wings should be just as good. VT had a tough season last year and Frank Beamer's teeth continue to get longer. He's channeling his inner walrus. Tide will Roll 35-17

North Carolina at South Carolina- Some folks think the Tar Heels are a sleeper team to watch. I find most ACC teams unbearable to watch. Bada bing! Darth Visor's team is led by future first round pick Jadaveon Clowney. Tar Heels will stroll out in those heinous uniforms and hang in for a while, but won't be able to score.  Gamecocks fans yell, "Go Cocks"  which somehow sounds inappropriate yet funny. May the force be with the Gamecocks. The southern USC 24-14

Ole Miss at Vandy-Who knew Vandy was capable of smack talk? Ole Miss had the drool worthy recruiting class including Robert Kimdechee (no, I'm not googling to spell correctly). This kid annoyed the caca out of me last year by committing to Clemson and then talking to everyone about who he was bringing, when they were enrolling, only to turn around and follow his brother Denzel to the Rebels. Vandy is coming off another bowl appearance so there is another shining star in Nashville. Mmmmmm. I'm not buying the Ole Miss hype just yet. This game won't be "Easy" for the Commodores, but James Frankin is trying to build a "Brick House" program for the smarties. Vandy-28-27

LSU vs TCU- Some folks think the wheels are coming off the Bayou Bengal bus, so I guess we will see this season. LSU has a devoted fan base that includes Britney Spears and Vickie Vallencourt, so that alone would cause concern. But let's get real. What sounds more intimidating? A tiger or a horned frog? Exactly. Maybe Mettenberger gets it together this year. LSU 30-24

USC at Hawaii-Remember when Matt Barkley was going to win the Heisman and USC was a shoo in for the National Title last year? Rrright. And to add insult to injury, the Trojans lost to GT in the Sun Bowl in front of 9 people in El Paso. The only way is up, right? A trip to Hawaii would make them look and feel better. Take the Coppertone and grab a lei.  I say Trojans play with Mahalo. 42-21

Buffalo at Ohio State-Urban Meyer is feeling pretty good about now as long as he doesn't receive any collect calls from Aaron Hernandez. Buckeyes went undefeated last year and have tattoogate behind them. Braxton Miller is an early Heisman favorite but we all know what that means....nada. It's difficult to go undefeated 2 years in a row, but who is going to beat them in the Little 10? Dot the "i" early in this one. 56-17.

Bowl of Rice at Texas A&M-Speaking of people I can't bear to hear another word about..yes, I'm talking to you Johnny Manziel. After being the first freshman to win the Heisman, each day we get a report about him wiping his butt or being hungover. I equate him to the Robin Thicke song "Blurred Lines." If I hear that song or hear another story about Manziel, I will eat chards of glass, preferably over ice. He has to sit out the first half of this one, but my 3 year old could fill in and the Aggies would still win.  Just let old boy play. 45-14

****Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner Game of the Week****

I am not one of those UGA fans who says, "If we had just beat Alabama, then surely we would have beaten ND and won the National Title." That's too many what ifs and not enough actually happened. UGA vs Clemson used to be a HUGE rivalry with past games decided by last second field goals. Dawgs lost several  guys to the NFL (holla at Alec, Orson, Jarvis, and others on Sundays), and Aaron Murray came back for his senior year. The offense should be able to put up some gawdy digits, but Clemson is the ACC cat's meow this year. The future Taj Minaj (call him up, Nicki) is another Heisman favorite along with Murray. Again, all of this means nothing.  Will the Tigers roar? Clemson has never lived up to the hype the last few years so as a Dawg fan,  let's hope they lay another Cadbury egg this week.  You just never know. Look for Todd "whirley" Gurley to have a big game in this nail biter. Drumroll.....Dawgs 28 Tigers 27.