Can I be an NFL referree? I like stripes and smack talk doesn't bother me. Oh, and I promise the games would come in under 24 hours unlike their current format.
What a deplorable week I had pick-wise. (Note to self...I haven't logged into either of my FF leagues so I'm going to assume I will finish at the bottom. One league I paid to join so I will list that as a charitable donation on my taxes. Just kidding IRS posse!) I got a whopping 3 out of 10 picks right last week, but I shall turn those digits around this week.
Bills vs Browns-The Bills rolled up big numbers on the no iron Chefs (aka Chiefs) last week. This week they travel to the dog pound to take on AARP member Brandon Wheedon and Trent Richardson. Browns have been close in their first 2 games, but as we all know, close only counts in pin the tail on the donkey. I like the Browns in an upset.
Speaking of the Chiefs they take on the Saints this weekend. Both teams are 0-2 so someone will get their first win. Saints appear to be missing Sean " I'm sucking on a lemon" Payton. But really, Drew Brees blindfolded and handcuffed to a chair is a better QB than Matt Cassel. If the Saints don't win this week, they should forfeit the remainder of their games. Saints get their first W.
Eagles at the Cardinals-In this battle of the birds, the Eagles have a propensity to turn the ball over and the Dogfather is a main offender. The Eagles will face their former QB in Kevin Kolb. Both are 2-0. I know. I know. The Cards are 2-0 based on no offense so the D must be pretty good. The last time the Cards were good, a guy name Kurt Warner was the QB and went on to "Suite Life On Deck" fame. I remember watching a Cardinals' game and they kept panning to this lady in the stands. I told my husband that must be Kurt Warner's mother. Oops. Sorry Mrs. Warner. I had no idea that was his wife. Everyone is saying take the Cards. And I should, because the Eagles will turn it over 5 or 6 times. Can't do it. Eagles.
Patriots vs Ravens-What happened to the Brady Bunch last week? Was Tom thinking about how hot his wife is? In my very humble opinion, the Ravens got the shaft thanks to the Dollar General refs. Football referring was a PE offered at the University of GA in the 90s. Uh huh. Pats are phasing out Welker because he wants them to make it rain and it snows in Boston. Mmmmmmm. Gosh, can the Pats be 1-2 after 3 games? No, I'm taking the Pats in a close one.
Bengals vs Redskins- Redskins lost to the Rams last week due to some poor judgment on Josh Morgan's part. The Nasty Nati comes to Daniel Snyder's theme park. Redskins in a close one. Prepare to start Griffining.
Bucaneers vs Cowboys-I'm over hearing about Greg Schiano saying they fight until the end. Whatevs Greg. Let's move on from that fiasco. Speaking of fiascos, the Cowboys were completely annihilated by the Seahags and those transformer uniforms. Wow, this one is tough. Mmmmm. Romo & Bryant in a close one.
Lions vs Titans-Lions have no running game and no D. It's comprised of people similar to the ones that played on my brother's high school football team. They lost every game one season (just like the Lions) and they didn't score until the 6th or 7th game of the season. Jake "the Hurt" Locker is already banged up 2 games in so that means they would have to wheel out the Hasselback. As bad as the Titans are, this is the kind of game the Lions could lose. But I support Stafford and Johnson. Lions
Jets vs the Dolphins-Maybe Eva Longoria will sit with Ryan Tanneyhill's wife. Reggie Bush lit the Rayduhs up last week, but something tells me the Jets will be better prepared. I saw an article this week that said Tim Tebow would like to run for office. That's sweet. I guess the opponent's campaign sign will say "No Mo Tebow" or "Tebow Gots 2 Go Go." Jets
49ers vs Vikings-I think the 49ers are the best team in da NFL right now even with Alex Smith at QB. Let me (ha) ponder what the Vikes have. AP, Christian Ponder, and former UGA kicker Blair Walsh. Mmmmmm. Yeah. I'll take the 49ers.
Texans at the Broncos-Peyton had a rough 1st half last week while this is allegedly and supposedly again the Texans year. I just don't know what to think of some of these teams. Broncos
Falcons at the Chargers-Falcons got a big win on MNF and Michael Turner decide to tie one on after the game. Maybe he drank a stoplight? For those of you playing along at home, a stoplight is 3 shots that we used to serve at a place I used to work centuries ago. Red is cinnamon schnappes. Yellow is Galliano (Most restaurants never have to reorder a bottle of this vile alcohol. The bottle is pretty, but it's essentially like drinking urine laced with bleach and rat poison. Sounds scrumptious doesn't it?) and Green is Midori (not to be confused with that Japanese figure skater from the 90s named Midori Ito) I digress. I think it's well documented how I feel about Phillip Rivers and the Chargers, but San Diego is a fabulous, lovely city. This will be close, but I like feel like the "winner, winner chicken dinner dance" will be done by our feathered Falcons.
Shake your tail feathers...
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