It's That Time of the Year

And that totally beats being that time of the month! Have I ever mentioned that my 2 older kids have a strange interest in death? When they go visit my mother in law, they ask to go visit the cemetery. Which brings me to the fact that my dad was telling my daughter a bedtime story about a little girl in a neighboring town who got her hair caught in a tractor and had to have emergency surgery. Fortunately, she was okay, but nice move, dad! What's next? A bed time story about Richard Ramirez or Ted Bundy? Please! Remember the audience.

So, I am in 2 fantasy football leagues, but I haven't logged in to look at my team. Everyone always tries to get all clever with the naming of the teams. Hmmmm. I don't know if I drafted Ryan Leaf or Jamarcus Russell, but at least I have a team name. I name my team after someone I went to high school with because it's memorable. Not sure what happened to him, but he has become a cult figure in my fantasy football league.

I love the turmoil of the offseason in college and professional football. I fully expect Bobby Petrino and his wife to sit down with "Real Sports" and talk about how him hooking up with a 25 year old and getting caught  lying has "strengthened their marriage." Uh huh. I call that the Lilo media approach. Yes, she was hospitalized for an asthma attack because she was holding a puppy.

Not a fan of the preseason. Typically, I would be excited about the Falcons playing the Dolphins because the camera would pan to my boyfriend, Jason Taylor (who had no idea he was my boyfriend. Is that considered delirium?). But he retired, and is taking needy kids back to school shopping (sa-woon!) so the game will be a snoozer. Nice name for your kid, Mr. Bierman. Kash isn't pretentious in the least. If you have a daughter maybe her name will be Suisse Credit.  Below are some predictions I have about the upcoming season. Keep in mind my predictions are not based on research or fact, just what I think at this immediate moment. And maybe if something rhymes. Oh, and let me get this out of the way...Pats, Packers, 49ers, and Elmer &Giants will do well. It also looks like Andrew "Lurch" Luck will have a decent year.

These Guys Take a Step Back.....

Detroit-I just love Matthew Stafford. He bought his girlfriend boobs last year and that's a thoughtful gift. It beats a Whitman's Sampler or some roses. Wonder if he gave her a Hallmark card with the double Ds?  Megatron is one of my favorite receivers. His mother made him do volunteer work every summer when he was a kid, and I find that so endearing. But what's up with people trying to make this team "dirty"? They were 0-16 a couple of years ago, so how bad can they be. They play in a fierce division so they take a step back.

The Bungles-Video may have killed the radio star, but bunglemania manages to kill the team each year. They made the playoffs last year and looked pretty good. The Nasty Nati is filled with former Bulldogs, but I say Andy Dalton hits the sophomore slump. I just hope the guy uses 50 plus sunblock when he is outside. The sophomore slump beats wearing an orange jumpsuit and getting 3 squares in a cell. Did you hear that Odell? Don't threaten people at water parks.

Was Not Was (Everybody Walk the Dinosaur..or in this case...these guys go the way of the dinosaur)

San Diego-Here is my yearly prediction that the Chargers will wet the bed. I  loathe Phillip Rivers. He is the only QB I ever see get personal fouls. Maybe they flag him for being an overt hillbilly. Not buying....

Baltimore-Oh, they will be good. But they won't seal the deal. They will fall short of the Tom Brady & Company, again.

Pittsburgh-Hines Ward is one of my all time favorite Bulldogs and apparently he is quite the dancer too. Wonder if he was invested in the Donnan ponzi scheme? I hope he realized that a 300% return on your investment is as probable as a unicorn in the kitchen. While at UGA,the man played every position and would snap the ball to himself if necessary. But sadly, he is moving on to the broadcast arena which is a much sweeter gig. Like Mike Tomlin, but they are missing some pieces.

The Poop Pile

Cardinals- Larry Fitzgerald. Fabulous WR without a QB. Maybe he can throw to himself? Someone has to win that division so there is hope.

Seahawks-Allegedly, Pete Carroll tells the team "they are smarter than anyone else in the league." Uh huh. That's why he drafted a guy who has already done some time. I don't know which one of their 3 mediocre QBs they will start. (It's a bad sign when Charlie Whitehurst is your bank QB, but he could totally star in "Jesus Christ Superstar" should he decide to join Broadway).
 
Jets-They will probably finish 8-8 but they are entertaining. Mark Sanchez will throw pick 6s but he will continue to score Victoria's Secret models, so I suppose that's a trade-off. How will Tim Tebow interact with Antonio Cromartie? Maybe he can help him remember the names of his kids?

Browns-Jim Brown must have some magical powers because that curse continues. Their new QB has to play now before his AARP magazine starts getting delivered. Colt McCoy is still trying to figure where he is. 

And my "winner, winner, chicken dinner award" for the AFC South goes to..drumroll, please. I have no clue! I'm not sure what to think about the Saints. I'm not buying Greg Schiano for the Bucs (he will probably win coach of the year) because I didn't view Rutgers as a juggernaut. But what do I know? I say Falcons win the division with a 10-6 record. 2 Legit 2 Quit.