Funnies and Football

OMG! It's football season, but before I go there I have a few snippets to share.

So, I had a conference call with a super big, well known international company regarding an upcoming event. Unbeknownst to me, the call was with someone in Japan (I thought he was in NYC) who was not exactly fluent in English. Have I mentioned that Japanese is not my first or 2nd language?  I did drive a Toyota for years.  Does that count for something? I mean, I do know the term "Domo Arigato" but I'm not Kilroy and the guy on the other end of the line wasn't named Mr. Roboto. Thanks Styx! Yes, sushi is my favorite food and I love Sapporo and Kirin, but this wasn't an episode of "Man Versus Food." Nope, we had some serious disconnect in the language department. So we are going to rectify this situation next week by bringing in the Swiss marketing director. Hmmmmm. Wonder how his English is.  I'm going to win him over by telling him I think Roger Federer took a dive in the Olympics so Andy Murray could win the gold. I think it was a good will gesture to the Brits after that breakdown at Wimbledon. I will also tell him that Lindt bars should be a part of the food pyramid in the U.S.

 I work in a very small department and at a recent sales meeting my boss said he was well versed in pop culture and knew who Justin Derulo was. I asked if Justin Derulo was a cross between Justin Bieber and Jason Derulo. He looked at me and wrote something down. Do you think he wrote something that rhymed with cartpass or witch?

Anyway, football is here as I see Vandy and SC on the telly. Whenever I hear the term "Go Cocks" I chuckle and have painful flashbacks to when Joe Cox was the UGA QB. Holla at my boy Russ (above) for being named the new mascot! I hope he had a lengthy rider and demanded Evian water on the sidelines and an on-call masseuse. His job his stressful, but at least he won't have ongoing issues like Macauley Culkin and Lilo. Russ is haute! Make him mad and he will get botox to remove those wrinkles. On with my picks....

****LOCK OF THE WEEK*****

UGA vs Buffalo-Dawgs versus the Bulls. Sounds like something being played in Pampalona, right? Buffalo football hasn't been the same since they were good for a hot second under Turner Gill. What am I saying? The overall health of Buffalo football in general is similar to living in a tent on Love Canal.   I don't recognize some of the starters for UGA (and many have good names), but they are going to win. They won't cover the 6 TD spread, but this is a W for Russ and the other A Murray.

NC State versus Tennessee-Poor Derek Dooley. He's probably thinking that he should have tried to secure a gig  as a guest attorney on Nancy Grace. Dude looks beat! One of his top players, Da'Rick Rogers flunked da drug tests and the timing was unfortunate. Some prognosticator picked an ACC team to win the National Title. I'm not sure what kind of medication he is on, but perhaps it should be more readily available to the public. He probably also thinks Paris Hilton is a virgin. Did I  just say that? Hey, hey Tyler Bray! Step up to the plate and help your coach out during the opener. I like the Vols to key up "Rocky Top" and win this one in a squeaker. Based on...nothing. Just what I think.

Boise State versus Michigan State-Broncos versus Spartans.  The Big 10 is really the slightly husky 2 or 3. Everyone else is awful. Boise State loves playing the spoiler so I say Broncos.

Clemson versus Auburn- Is this Clemson's year? During the off-season, I heard about how the top recruit (I won't even attempt to spell it and I'm too lazy to google it)  in the nation was going to Clemson, and if they didn't let him bring all of his friends and his woobie he might change his mind. Clemson should totally win this one, right? Mmmm. I guarantee a Tiger win!  I guess I will take Clemson which means Clemson will lose. Auburn should be really happy that I picked Clemson.

Bama vs Michigan-Nick Saban did a little dance when he heard the Honey Badger decided to get all A&E Intervention on LSU. For the record, I always mistakenly called him "The Honey Thief," a song by Hipsway (one of my favorite one hit wonders). Same difference I suppose. Bama is young on defense but you know that bench is as deep as the Pacific Ocean. I've never seen Michigan play any D, but they do have an athletic QB in Denard Robinson. Some peeps say Michigan takes this but not moi. Roll Tide.

GT vs VT-It's an ACC blockbuster. Let's see. VT is usually good for about 9 games of the season and GT has been as exciting as watching paint dry. It's not like the Reggie Ball days where there was fundamental excitement. I just made myself laugh. I think this is in Blacksburg so I supposed Frank Beamer and his very long teeth score a win in the opener.

Goooooooo Dawgs!