I absolutely loathe and despise that song. Coming from a person who is normally freezing, even I can admit that it's hotter than Bradley Cooper outside! As a side note, I was listening to the radio the other day and the question was "what celebrity could you see yourself being friends with?" Mmmmmm. I couldn't think of one because I'm kind of crazy and that isn't exactly a selling point. However,I figure if Bradley Cooper was engaged to Renee Zellweger, he could do coffee with me. I could take my contacts out and squint at him just like Renee, because I can't see more than a foot or so in front of me minus these optical devices. Then I realized that Bradley can see, so that probably wouldn't work out the way I wanted. It was a nice try though. Maybe I could bamboozle him with my beguiling charm and wit? Probably not. I guess I will keep doing coffee by myself.
I'm so out of the loop. I mean my husband told me about TomKat's divorce. And I keep seeing multiple women posting about some movie called Magic Mike? I just googled and read that it's about male strippers. NO. Yeah, I will have to pass on that as that just isn't me. However, I did hear that Kim K and Kanye are in the ATL looking at homes. Now, I ain't sayin she's a gold digger (I couldn't help myself #1) and I'm sure she will be showing off her um, assets (I couldn't help myself #2). No more allegedly reputable news sources for moi. It's just a giant freaking pit of depression. Today's headlines.."Record Heat Brings Death and Horror"; "Wildfire Victims Watch Homes Burn"; ""Ducks Blamed for Massive Pile Up" (I guess the brakes weren't all they were quacked up to be); "Shooting at Birthday Party." What is it with all of these shootings at birthday parties? Is this a southern thang? I don't remember seeing invitations that read "You and your glock are cordially invited..." when I was a kid. Instead of packing a gift these peeps are packing heat. Is someone saying "I'll cap you if I don't get the last piece of cake"? Are Ak-47s in the goody bags? I don't get it. I did see a birthday party gone bad once. Ironically enough, I took my kids to Chuckee Cheese as a surprise for doing well in school (I'm a glutton for punishment) only to be met with a huge argument as we were getting out of the car. And it was difficult not to notice this argument. It was a husband and wife with at least 6 kids. She yelled, "You've ruined my (expletive) life. I want a (expletive) divorce." Chuckee Cheese probably isn't the place to go if your marriage is on shaky ground. Nope, I'll just stick to US Weekly, dlisted.com, and ESPN for my news.
Earlier today I was giving myself a giant pat on the back because I almost had 2 kids that share names with those little guys from One Direction. This would give me major clout amongst the kiddos. Nigel was going to be a Nial, but in keeping with southern tradition, people were adding an "s" on the end and that bothered me. Actually, he was going to be a Simon but I knew too many people with cats named Simon and I've never forgiven Simon LeBon for marrying that swimsuit model. Looking hot in a bikini is totally overrated. There-I said it. I digress.
I've noticed Southerners have a tendency to alter words. Kind of like how "window" becomes "winder."Single syllable words morph into three syllable words. A former relative used to call her Ford Explorer a Ford Exploder. POW! That must be the vehicle of choice among the suicide bomber crowd. This same lady's husband allegedly drove a Ford Extraction (not sure if it was the wisdom tooth edition). Extraction, extradition, extrapolate..it's all the same I suppose. My mom always says someone is playing in a golf "tounament" (aka tournament). It's difficult for me to imagine Albacore and Yellowtail teeing off, but I suppose anything is possible.
Happy July 1st!
xoxo
No comments:
Post a Comment