I'm going to start this post off by saying I am a bit hormonal right now. Snarky. Snippy. Describe it anyway you want.I decided to take the 2 older kids to the grocery store and I swear that my oldest son, aka "The Grinder", has a future as an interrogator. The government could learn a few things from him. I'm positive he could get anyone to submit to something after relentlessly questioning them. Trust me, once we figure out this learning disability, I fully expect Nancy Grace to invite him on her show to participate in the "unleash the lawyers section." If he wasn't so freaking adorable and sweet, I might put my head in the microwave when he gets this way.
The Grinder: "Mommy, can we get donuts?"
Me: "No."
The Grinder: "Mommy, can we get donuts? Yes or no? You said last Thursday at 7:12 pm I could get a treat next time we go to the grocery store. I like donuts and we haven't gotten them in a long time. Yes or no to the donuts?"(If only they had such crystal clear accuracy with questions revolving around homework, brushing teeth, cleaning up etc)
Me: "No, we aren't getting the donuts. You got yogurt instead."
The Grinder: "If I don't get donuts perhaps I could get cupcakes. The cat's birthday was last month and we didn't have a party. Can we get cupcakes or donuts? Yes or no?
Me:"No cupcakes"
The Grinder: "So we can get donuts. Remember, you said we could get a treat to celebrate the cat's birthday and that was last month and we didn't. Remember? You said we could celebrate this month and the cat will be mad at you if we don't celebrate.Yes or not to the cupcakes? And I want to buy the "caution wet floor" sign. (I've told him at least 10 times they aren't for sale)
Me: "Whatever."
The Grinder:"So we are getting donuts and cupcakes, right? Yes or no?
I was just waiting for him to say "I want the truth" and I was going to have to say "You can't handle the truth." Where is Lt. Caffey when you need him???I knew we were going to run into this as I refused to listen to Kidz Bop 12, 14, 32 and any other version in the car today. They take the bad words out of the songs and I thought we should just live on the edge and listen to the radio.
Prior to this debacle, I almost did something I swore I would never do. The Grinder is the only child I've ever met who eats a sandwich and manages to get mustard in his eyebrows and behind his ears. How is this possible? Is he trying to pick up the sandwich with his eyelashes? Has someone else done this in the Guinness Book of World Records? I took him for yogurt and his entire face was covered in chocolate yogurt. When I said "wipe you mouth," I watched a haphazard attempt where the napkin grazed his nose. I took a napkin and was THIS CLOSE to licking the napkin and wiping his face. The napkin was almost touching my tongue, but I caught myself prior to making this egregious error. No, I was okay with him walking around looking like he had been in a fight with some Hershey's syrup.
And I hate it when people act like complete ass hats. I know that isn't nice, but neither is being an ass hat. I know we all get grumpy but I don't like it when people are rude. I took the foster dog to adoptions today where it was a pleasant 112 degrees. I had been there all of 2 minutes before some lady comes up to me and says, "I see you have a hound dog. You will need to move as she is disturbing the cats." These are the same people who gave me said hound dog. I caught myself before saying to her, "Oh yeah? Well Magnum PI called and wants his mustache back lady." Her butt crack was showing as well but I didn't want to bring that up either. But I didn't because then I would have looked like an absolute jerk. No, I needed to smile and be nice. Meow. Meow. Meow. For the record, I love animals and admire people for always helping out and working with the furry peeps. You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat animals....and the waitstaff!
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