Love a title you can sing. Is anyone else happy school is out for the summer? Yes, it's a different kind of crazy but at least I don't have to do homework. Apparently, homework is now supposed to be a family event kind of like portraits at Olan Mills or having a sack race in the backyard a la the Brady Bunch. I don't like this turn of events. I did my own homework. I'm not sure if I wanted anyone's help. I'm sure many people are the parents of Einstein in training, but well, that is not the case in this household. We encourage humor, kindness, and being yourself. That may get me in trouble later. However, one assignment at the end of the year required a parental release that stated I would help with the project, but if it looked like a parent had done too much work, then the child would receive a zero for a grade. That's the way to do it! Threaten to give my child a zero if I get carried away with the glitter stick that I was told to use. Were they going to bring in Judge Judy to determine the offenders? Please.
Just this year I realized that I would be revisiting word problems. Don't get me wrong-I love word problems. I draw a picture to solve even though the educational system has never been a proponent of that method. No, when I read any story that asks, " if Ethan is 3 inches taller than Sarah; Emily is 1 inch taller than Zack; then how tall is Chip if he is playing a giraffe in the community play" I take a completely different perspective of the scenario. No one cares how tall Chip is. Really. All these kids want is an ipad and a cookie. I'm sure Ethan and Em are hoping from some type of individuality as there are probably at least 4 other kids in the class named Ethan and Emily. Unless of course Ethan's last name is Hunt and then he can deem the word problem "Mission Impossible." And poor Sarah will always be clarifying whether there is an "h" or no "h" at the end of her name. Yeah, Zack is probably bitter that Emily is taller but he has other ways of being one of the cool kids. Zack will be able to use his name should he become a black belt or want to create a signature move, "The Zack Attack." And our boy Chip? Well, for Chip's sake, let's hope he isn't chubby. He will be called potato Chip. And he will probably burn up in the giraffe suit which is probably made of some bad polyester. Instead of worrying about how tall Chip is, they need to worry about having EMTs on stand by should he get dehydrated from wearing said ugly, hotter than h-e-double hockey sticks suit. Bring the boy some gatorade because you know this shindig is planned in July in someplace like the Mohave Desert. Trust me. The kids could give a rat's butt figuring out how tall the Chipmeister is. Everyone can stand on stilts and fight it out. But this is a family puzzle I don't miss solving during the summer.
OMG! I took my daughter to Justice again this weekend. The store is filled with sequins, feathers, glitter, and Bieber. I always feel like I need a shot of vodka before I go in there. I fully expect to see a unicorn working the register when we leave. My anxiety starts running high after a few minutes in the store. Each time we go in, we have the same conversation. I tell her they don't carried personalized journals with the initial of her first name. Today I was met with, "well perhaps you should have spelled my name differently." Exactly. I absolutely should have consulted a Justice catalog before naming my child. What was I thinking? As I was sitting on the chair in daze watching her touch every single item in the store, I was thinking how funny it is to watch her. And at that moment she started to breakdance in the store and I knew immediately this is my child. It's cute when you are 7, but don't be surprised if the authorities are called when you are 27 if you try to pull that.
My oldest son asked me if a cruise was like a Chuckee Cheese on water. That's one way of describing it I suppose? Until next time.....
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