B-15...Bingo!

To quote the depressed posse' known as Staind, "It's Been a While." Ssssssshhhh. Listen. I got a new job and I think ( fingers crossed while crossing my heart and holding a 4 leaf clover) like a good pair of jeans,  it's a good fit. Hopefully I won't be singing a different song too soon.  I've been on a quest for a loooooooong while so for all of you who have listened to me whine (minus the cheese that comes in a can), pontificate, or drop the occasional expletive,  I thank you for listening and offering advice via phone, text, and email. Me loves you. I've been on a quest to (haaaaa!) "find myself." Oh, I'm still short with a big butt and I wasn't lost in an ET phone home kind of way, but it is important to like what you do. So thanks for your support!! Without you, I am still me but neurotic. Trust me. I listen to every word you say, but I just can't remember anyone's name. It's not with ESPN or QVC, but hey, a girl can dream right? Holla!!!!

It was a normal first week of work except that I couldn't remember where I parked a couple of days. Nothing like traipsing along for 45 minutes in the heat, glistening (and not in a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition cover kind of way) while my hair is puffing up like a cotton ball, searching for my car. I even have 2 giant "G" magnets on it to help find said car, but again, I remember EVERYTHING except names and where I park my car. Typically, I use some type of word association like when I used to travel every other week to that mega fun known as Hartsfield. I would choose a parking space and create some type of association with the letter and number. For example, if I parked in E-28 that meant Ed Norton would marry me when I was 28. I didn't say anything was factual- I just said the association helped me remember where I parked. H-42 meant, "Holy caca! Don't wear those new wedge shoes because you will be crawling by F-28  saying "f&%@ new shoes!" and be willing to walk with bare feet on your way to "hails yes I'm finally there" H-42. Bingo baby!!! See. It just got so confusing trying to keep up with the letter/number association. This is also why I never let the 17 year old kid or 79 year old man wheel my groceries out to my car. We will just end up aimlessly wandering around the parking lot, and I don't want them to hate me or quit because I can't find my car. I'm considerate like that.  If you ever see me aimlessly walking around and wonder if I am lost, the answer is "yes, I am." But I will get there. Eventually.  So I'm trying to decide if I should leave bread crumbs (is that considered littering?), ribbons, or just record my walk via my i-phone to commemorate my parking space? Mmmmmmm. Let me think on that.....

It was time for my trek to the dermatologist last week and that visit riddles me with anxiety. Skin cancer can be extremely serious so I try to be vigilant with sunscreen to maintain my Casper the friendly ghost appearance.  I have certain doctors I like and will only see them. I made the mistake once of seeing first available and saw a doctor who I am  quite positive has his picture next to the term "mega tool" in Websters. I was also about 4 inches taller than he was so I was tempted to call him Dopey. But I was nice! Anyway, after asking lots of questions to this doctore it was time for the check.

WARNING!!!! This section may contain TMI so if the words "booby", "butt", or you get grossed out thinking of me this way, then move on!

You see, they tell you to keep your bra and panties on during the check. He was scanning my legs with the light and I suggested we take several things off soon. Not clothes. Moles or freckles. He said, "we can do whatever makes you happy." Finally, I said, "Listen, I know you've seen a naked chick before and I don't have anything you haven't seen before."  He looked a bit startled and the PA started laughing. Trust me. Read anything and it's important to get a thorough examination whether the freckle is on your boobs or booty. For some reason this whole exchange reminded me of the one time I tried on bras in a store. Gosh darn I was cute way back then at 24 and I wish I realized it at the time! I was trying on bras at a certain establishment with a friend. She perused the Ds and I was wondering where the almost A section was.  As I pilfered through the bras with a nice group of 5th graders, I came across  nothing but bras that were very unnatural looking. The problem with being "small" is that it is assumed you to  be "much much bigger."  Not me. Flat is where it's at. Basically, heavily padded bras were the only choice in the store. So I remember trying on something called the "Water Miracle Inflatable Bra" which was essentially like have two 2 liters attached  to your boobs. I guess they assumed us A girls want the full experience of having a Pamela Anderson sized chest. I felt ridiculous but wanted a second opinion.  I flung open the curtain in the dressing room to show my friend and this lady gasped when I did. She was with her bf or husband and  said that she thought it was totally inappropriate that I let her whatever he was see me in a bra. What???? I was shocked and told her perhaps her guy shouldn't be in the women's dressing room of a lingerie store if he doesn't want to see women in bras.  Our culture is really uptight about certain things (nudity, nakedness, etc) but some of these same people don't think twice about 14 year sleeping over at their boyfriends house. Really? We are all born naked so everyone get your mind out of the gutter.

Sigh. I'm going to get better about updating this and write more for me. So expect some brutally honest posts soon. I know you just can't wait. Until next time......

XOXO