Tattooes and Weddings

So, as I was heading out the door for an exciting night out to Big Lots and Walgreens, my husband asked where I was going. "Hello! I'm going to Big Lots to look for new foods from the Czech Republic." He said, "You look like you are going to a gala or a club." A club???? I have never liked clubs (but I am a devotee of the club cracker-yum!) Did I mention I gave myself the over the counter version of a Brazilian Blowout last night? It literally looks like my hair has been dipped in a vat of Wesson oil. However, I made sure the room was adequately ventilated and I'm still breathing so I suppose I get an A+ for following that section of directions. I love reading the warning labels on products. It's kind of like those commercials for certain medication drugs where they try to hide the big side effects in that  "X-peesia may cause drowsiness, dry mouth, organ failure, nasal congestion, permanent paralysis, and nausea. In rare occurrences, X-peesia has caused people to think Two and Half Men is funny and mistake anti-freeze for Hawaiian Punch." You just have to cover your bases with the side effects.  Perhaps it was because I wasn't wearing footed pajamas that he thought I was going out for a night on the town.

As I am getting ready to check out at Walgreens with Survivor's "Is This Love?" playing overhead, the lady in front of me starts chatting with me. She has a tattoo of a giant red robin down the bag of her leg. She told me she got the tattoo because of her son. Was her son a bird? I said, "Really?" She said that her son always loved red robins so she got it for him. Interesting approach. I mean my oldest son was crazy about Caillou but I didn't feel it necessary to get a tattoo of a bald 4 year old who wears shorts thru the harsh Canadian winters. My daughter loved Dora, but I felt no permanent commemoration was necessary. Speaking of Dora (my 2 year old calls her Doris), where is the parental unit? She is always traipsing everywhere with Boots and a map and Mom and Dad don't seem concerned about her whereabouts. She is the one kid who needs a cell phone.  And what about Swiper? Has he had a rabies vaccination? Anyway, the lady in front of red robin was talking about her upcoming wedding.

Ah weddings. I don't understand why people spend so much money on them.  I  like them if there is an open bar and good cake. I don't mind the chicken dance but that too is something that is not a necessity. Too many people think "this is their day." Please. It's a freaking wedding and it shouldn't give people the right to act like total ....you know whats.  Some people have multiple "their days" which is totally fine. Whatever makes you happy. There is nothing wrong with having a big wedding, but some people use that as an excuse to act like a brat. And I know their are certain people (my daughter included) who think that is their day to be a princess. You should be a princess every day!  My wedding? We found a guy in the yellow pages. He had no eyebrows and the only attendants where his parrot and German shepherd. I never said I was a romantic! He said he would blow a conch shell for an additional $25 but I told him that wasn't necessary. I can sing my own Barry Manilow song.

Some of you know this story, but one of the most interesting weddings I went to was a nude wedding right after college. The bride, groom, and minister were nude but most of the other attendees were clothed. This was truly the one wedding where you could never be under-dressed. There was a photographer walking around and it was interesting to see the couple pose for photos. Wonder what that is like when they crack out the wedding album for guests now? Mmmmmm.

Anyway, I love it when I get feedback on my blog. I am thrilled when people tell me it makes them laugh so hard they cry. Thank you! A compliment is much nicer than an insult. But I can take those too....

In light of the discussion of tattoos, I leave you with a quote from the great Tattoo of "Fantasy Island", "Boss! Da plane. Da plane!"
xoxo