Boo! I hate to whine, but I just feel like it. Right now I feel like having a standing room only pity party like it's 1999. Seriously. I feel exactly like Drew Barrymore (except I don't do blue eye shadow) in "Never Been Kissed" when she oversleeps and wakes up with "Loser" stamped on her forehead. I don't know what I did to Karma, but I'm sorry. Really. I make mistakes. Lots of them, but is there anyway you can cut me some slack? Just as I was about to try to rent a cement mixer to stick my head in (that was for you JC-it replaces hot poker in the eye), my 7 yr old daughter came bounding in the room. She wanted to dance, so I played a song that I thought was by BTR, but it's a British boy band. I suppose that I should be embarrassed that I know who BTR is, right? Sigh. I guess One Direction is the tween version of Duran Duran? You learn something new every day.
Without going into detail of why I feel like I am a Lifetime movie in the making, I find myself no longer being surprised by any news. Btw, Drew, if you are reading this and I am POSITIVE you are not, you can play me. We are an 80% match on that celebrity doppelganger photo thing. I wouldn't have married Tom Green, but I've made some poor choices as well. It happens. If you aren't available, I guess Kate Hudson will do cause girl is over a 90% match. They both have fabulous noses, fatter bank accounts, and personal trainers so we could never be 100% matches. I know they would both be devastated to hear that. However, allegedly neither are fans of bathing and my deodorant is made out of a crystal. Perhaps we are kindred spirits? Who knows? Relax! I bathe. Kate Winslet and Patrick Swayze popped up as lower percentage matches. I've never really thought I looked much like Patrick Swayze (RIP), but perhaps it's the forehead? Kate...She's like the wind in "Titanic." I was about 2-3 years late to that photo matching phenom that was floating around on FB, but I chalk that up to being a later bloomer. Anyway, back to my whine, I know things could always be worse (and I don't want them to get there), but I am hoping they start to move in a super positive direction. As in upwardly mobile...please? With sugar on top? I will throw in some chocolate chips if necessary.......
I am trying to get this foster dog adopted. Not being familiar with hound dogs, I see they have a following. People turn to putty when they see this dog with legs longer than mine. Now, that's not saying much, but she is a rather unusual looking pup. Someone is interested, but she is trying to decide between our foster and a dog named George. Trust me. She will pick George. The thing with attending these foster events is that you have to sell the dog. Here is how an exchange may go:
Prospective Adopter 1-"She's adorable. Do you think she's around 8?"
Me-"She is isn't she? Yes, 8 is a great age. That sounds right" I have no idea how old the dog is as I don't have a birth certificate and she hasn't really volunteered that information.
Prospective Adopter 2-"She has the sweetest face. I love senior dogs. Do you think she's really old?"
Me-"Yes, I think she is really old. I think she just wants to find a nice retirement home and watch reruns of "The Golden Girls" and "Wheel Of Fortune. Why just yesterday she solved a puzzle with no vowels!" Ignore the fact that she never gets tired or sits down.
Propsective Adopter 3-"I love her bark. That's why I love hound dogs. Does she do that frequently?"
Me-"Would you like for her to do that frequently? I can tell you how to get her to do it." And let's hope you have nice neighbors and several sets of ear plugs.
Prospective Adopter 4-"Aw. She is beautiful. Is she quiet?"
Me-"Absolutely. She is like a big mouse." Just don't take her for a car ride or get out the leash because she will not stop talking.
Prospective Adopter 5-"Does she have a high prey drive?"
Me-"Not that I am aware of. She ignores the cat and just gazes at the rabbit." Exactly. Now she may be gazing at the rabbit envisioning her as some type of stew, but we aren't making any formal introductions between the two.
Prospective Adopter 6-"I think her face is prematurely gray don't you? I love gray."
Me-"Absolutely. Gray is a fantastic neutral that looks good on everyone."
Prospective Adopter 7-"I think her gray makes her look older. That kind of bothers me."
Me-" I know. Nothing that a little Garnier can't fix. She would look lovely as a blonde or as a redhead. I mean look at what it did for Julia Roberts."
In closing, someone asked me the other day if I "was one of those people who could laugh at myself." I am still laughing at that question....Peace out!
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