So my husband thought he was being funny when he insinuated that I would soon need a vitamin aimed at women over 50. Ha!!!! We will see how funny it is when Ryan Gosling comes to his senses and launches Eva Mendes for me and I say, "I divorce you. I divorce you. I divorce you." Yes, in some countries that's what it takes to make a divorce happen. I will get custody of the dog while he drinks expired milk and stale cereal because no one knows how to close the box. Speaking of expired milk....
I had to go to the dentist today. Allegedly, I'm allergic to my crown( sadly it's not my Miss America one) and it's causing some icky stuff in my mouth. So the dentist comes in and says, "you are such a beautiful girl and if we don't remove the crown your face could become deformed." Haaaa! Who did she think she was talking to? It's been a downhill slide since 26, so I don't think this replacement crown is going to turn me into Angelina Jolie. My caca meter is excellent. It's about the $$$. Anyway, the hygienist was very heavy. I recognize obesity is an epidemic. Listen, if I wasn't quasi-health conscious and self conscious about my weight, I would gladly pour a triple thick milk shake over my frosted flakes and toss in a bag of chocolate chips and peanut m&ms for good measure. I would devour every bite and wonder where my post breakfast snack is. I should absolutely be ashamed to admit that, but it's the truth. However, I can't do that. So, I am always fascinated by those stories of people who haven't left their house in years because they can't get thru the door or have to be removed by the fire department. It's horribly sad and I feel bad for them, but I wonder what the tipping point was. Seriously. How did we get from quasi mobile to one more x-large pizza with everything can't hurt, right? And many drink diet soda. Are you kidding? At that point it's probably acceptable or perhaps expected to acknowledge that a 0 or 1 calorie soda isn't the root of the issue. And to top it all off, we live in an incredibly looks biased culture. It's crazy and people can be exceptionally cruel.
A couple of weeks ago, a friend (I originally typed fried-oops and yum!) was visiting and we were discussing a health show. A woman was discussing her goal of reaching a ton. She weighed over 800 pounds. This is how she made her living. People paid to watch her eat. I can't get this out of my mind, because I certainly respect the fact that she has to make a living. However, I am extremely uncomfortable with people watching me eat, so to have a camera set up so people can watch you eat was just too bizarre for me to comprehend. They had some creepy people commenting on how they loved watching people shove food in their mouths and that they wanted to help her reach her goal of weighing a ton. What??? What do you wear at a ton?
Anyway, I bring this up because the hygienist today could only stand for a couple of minutes before she started gasping for breath. She seemed like a nice lady albeit a bit too chatty for me as I don't really know how I can answer questions with a suction tube in my mouth. But prior to getting started, she was letting the chair back and grabbed her chest and started gasping for air. Holy caca! Was she going into cardiac arrest and was I going to get a concussion because the chair was going into an inverted state? Was this Pilates meets polishing? I stood up and asked if she was okay and she said "it happens from time to time." I felt bad for her because I know it affects her dexterity and I know it is difficult to lose weight. But gosh, we are only going around once (at least in this format) so we should try to make the best of what we have.
Okay, enough on my serious view of the crisis of obesity. It should be a great weekend of football. First, I should confess that I love the Harbaughs. I think they are both adorable! But I think it will be 49ers versus Pats in the Super Bowl. I can't remember who Michael Wilbon picked but as soon as Tony K gets on his last nerve, I am so ready to be on PTI.
Next blog post? Yeah, it's about a survey I conducted amongst my "readers." Hopefully, my funny will be back. It's on hiatus in the public forum but in overdrive in my head.
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