Who admits to watching movies on "Lifetime"? Please. You know you have and it's okay to admit it. I developed an affinity for these movies when I was pregnant with my oldest son. They took my mind off the fact that I looked like a 5'4 butterball turkey. I mean, my socks were cutting off my blood circulation but my issues paled in comparison to these peeps! I love any movie that starts with "based on a true story." There are essentially 2 themes to these movies. A woman is wronged and/or a crime is committed in the name of a life insurance policy. I have 3 that I love. The first stars Judith Light of "Who's the Boss?" fame.( I guess the transition from sitcom to Lifetime is seamless, so there are many opportunities.) She plays a woman who grew up poor in Alabama, and people around her mysteriously die while she is the benefactor of all of these life insurance policies. The people begin to wonder why everyone around her is dying so someone decides to exhume some bodies and voila! She was serving everyone arsenic in their grits. Where is the southern hospitality in this situation? Then, to avoid going to prison, she fakes her own death and comes back to the town posing as the alleged long-lost twin of assumed dead woman. Did you follow that? How convenient! Only now she has dark hair versus being a blonde. She takes up with the widow (but he's not really a widow) of her assumed deceased sister. I guess that would be her brother in law, but since it's Judith Light anyway you look at it, she is back with the husband only as a brunette. A DNA test from Maury isn't necessary on this one. However, one lady at the processing plant figures out that she is not really a twin but rather wanted for attempted murder after running her fake social security number. Where is Judge Judy when you need her? She dies of hypothermia at the end as she refuses to go to prison.
The 2nd is a Canadian flick starring Elisha Cutherbert. She plays a teen who develops a gambling habit and goes to some seedy underground club with her new gambling addict boyfriend to settle up an enormous debt. To emphasize that the night is going badly, there is a band in the background singing a bad cover of Asia's "Heat of the Moment." In the end, Elisha leaves penniless and must face the (ha) music to the man she owes. How does he want her to repay the debt? That's right. He wants her to star in a skinnemax like film with his wife, but the police intervene at that moment the tripod is arranged. They all but say, "Don't cry. Now that I've found you." The smile had left Elisha's eyes, but at least no scandalous flicks were made to cover a few hands of 5 card draw gone bad. Yes, I did get references to all 3 of Asia's hits in that paragraph.
The 3rd and final fave is another Canadian flick. Funny thing about the Canadian Lifetime movies is that they try to tell us it's NYC, when clearly it is the big TO. Hi CN tower! Anyway, this one stars some chick that was Brandon's girlfriend on the original version of 90210. ( I guess she managed to escape Dylan's bad boy charm, but girl can't escape a woman in a Navigator). 90210 is going through a challenging time and has automotive woes, when a glamorous woman cuts her off on the highway causing her to miss her job interview. Instead of calling her a bad word or giving her the finger, she has other ideas. 90210 girl is not going to let her get away with this type of behavior. Where was her turn signal???Never mess with a scorned woman! 90210 girlfriend tracks her down and shows retaliation by running her off the road only to have the glamorous lady pull out the gun conveniently located in her SUV and shoot her! Over a lane transition? Cheers. Yes sir. Lifetime shows that you CAN hold a grudge and get a movie as a result of said behavior.
So all of this left me thinking....who would play you in a Lifetime movie? I asked and will share those results on the next episode of the blog.
No comments:
Post a Comment