I just spent a weekend visiting my parents. I don't see them very often and should see them more. My kids really enjoy them, but I have a terribly complicated relationship with my mother. I have read about and know women who are extremely close to their mother. My mother and I don't have much in common. Let me be more specific. We are both short (I am 3 inches taller:)and related by blood but the similarities end there. She is a good person but we are just different. Really different.
Without boring anyone, I know why I am the way about certain things. So when I found out I was having a daughter 6 years ago, I was a bit nervous. Uh oh. A girl! Mmmmmmm. And she was an absolute and complete challenge for the first 5 years (does this give me a pass during the teenage years?). Every wrinkle or gray hair I have can directly be linked back to Fiona. And she is an absolute love! She is funny, smart, talented, beautiful, and yes I am biased. However, there were a few quirks my mother has that I hoped to avoid.
Little girls are keenly aware of their appearance very early in life. I was cutting edge in that department but now it is the social norm. My mom was really big on cracking out the scale when we had guests at our house. Instead of playing Scrabble, she would suggest we all weigh ourselves when family visited. Exactly my idea of a good time! As you recall, "The Price is Right" always has a scale in the showcase because it is so freaking fun to have a weigh in party. I always wanted to eat a sandwich while I weighed so I can max that number as much as possible. Not! So, imagine my delight when she came to visit for a baby shower when I was pregnant with my oldest son. Wait...have I admitted any of what I am about to say in earlier posts? Well, let me admit that when my oldest son was born I weighed 189 pounds. 189 pounds. I gained 56 pounds. I was ginormous. I was the spitting image of a weeble. I had 9 chins and even my toes were fat. I would have liked fatter eyelashes but that didn't happen.
Anyway, she visited when I was about 7 months pregnant. At that time, I was a positively svelte 176-178 (give or take the unfortunate shirt I was wearing) and she suggested we get out the scale to see how much I weighed. Was she trying to be funny? I was more than aware that if we stuck a fin on me I could have played Orca in a remake. Why did I need to stand on the scale to prove I was huge? Trust me, everyone was aware that I looked like a float in the Macy's Parade. Perhaps to get the party started I should have suggested we crack out the tape measure to measure how big my butt was or maybe pour a large pile of cement so I could have a cast to commemorate the ginormity (that's not a real word but I like it) that was me. I want my daughter to be healthy, but I try to steer clear of those discussions.
One other thing that challenges my sanity, is that she is always telling the kids not to do this or that because...."it will put your eye out." Swinging mardi gras beads by a 22 month old, walking with a pencil, eating with a fork...all activities that according to my mom "will put your eye out." Listen, I know emergency rooms are filled with victims of accidents. However, I have been in the ER numerous times with my oldest, but I don't recall an enormous group of patients with an eyeball in hand. How common is the "putting an eye out" occurrence? I'm sure it happens. It's probably not as prevalent as she likes for me to believe.
And thankfully, I got her to stop saying "Guess who died?". I never knew how to respond. It was just too awkward. At first I said, "Mom, I don't really want to guess" because what if I was wrong? Okay, so let's say I play along and say." Chrysanthemum?" Would she say, "No, she's still with us." Did I proceed to my next guess?
I thought we might have more in common once I had kids, but the gap is even wider. She doesn't think I am strict enough and doesn't like that I don't believe in spanking. To each his/her own, but if spanking really worked, wouldn't you only have to do it once? And she thinks that a man should be the leader, and I think gender is a non issue. She is very conservative and I'm not. I could go on and on, but just believe me when I say we couldn't be more different. That's okay because I see things the way they are and am not trying to change anyone. I hate this term, but "it is what it is."
Oh, I totally get on her nerves and I know it. We coexist. However, I am working to have a different relationship with my daughter. I have a scale (actually several) but I keep it tucked away.
No comments:
Post a Comment