Men -What do they notice?

This is going to be long, so if you tune out early, I don't mind. I admit it! I am totally and completely fascinated by how our culture views men and women. It is a topic I love to read about ( I am a voracious reader,but  I can't vouch for the quality of what I read as of late) and discuss. And lately, I have read a myriad of articles lamenting that men and women are nothing alike. Women notice everything while men notice nothing. Mmmmm...really?  More on that in a sec...

Anyway, I find it interesting that  in our culture as men age they are frequently described as "distinguished" whereas women become "old." What???I have read numerous articles as of late (written by men) declaring  they never notice what a woman wears, her hair or if she has gained a few pounds.   CACA!!! I have never, ever believed that and I certainly don't now. Please!!!  Every male I ever dated or befriended can produce a long laundry list of  my actual and alleged flaws and then some (I like to refer to some of those as quirks).  As a matter of fact, I am insulted that those crazy fabrications are even published. And I read a ton of fabrications!  Let's take Ashton and Demi. Were you expecting that? I wasn't, but I don't know them, and I thought a celebrity analogy would be appropriate for this section.  Admittedly, I am not a fan of either, but I have seen several  recent headlines describing alleged issues in their relationship (this goes back to the quality of the publications I read at this juncture in my life). One headline declares she is "starving to keep up with younger women" to retain his attention. Personally, I don't know or care what happens in their relationship, but from viewing some recent photos, Demi may want to up the crumb count because girl could impale someone with those elbows. Don't tell me he hasn't noticed. It may not be a hot topic of conversation, but it is always noticed! Did I really just write about Ashton and Demi? Yes, I think I just did.

So, since I love sports and those female sideline reporters garner much attention, I decided to conduct an ultra scientific survey.  I have read that these women are inundated with emails each day telling them they "shouldn't wear that color on air" or letting  them know they " look like they have gained weight." That's something we all love to hear!  People really take the time to email someone to tell them that wearing yellow on air makes them look like they have jaundice? Or they look like they should cut out those trips to the buffet? Like the person isn't aware? And yes, I am about to do the same thing later in this blog, but I'm not emailing or tweeting anyone to tell them to get a new hairdresser.  Note to society, if it takes you 15 minutes to button your pants and you feel your liver wrap around your larynx when they are finally zipped, it's not necessary to suggest someone lay off the cookies. Speaking of cookies, I would love a cookie right now but I don't keep those in the house. Oh, back to what I was saying..It may not be discussed, but it is duly noted and no investigation by Lt Caffey is necessary. We get it. Everyone has an opinion!

So I decided to poll 10 males I like and trust, and asked  their thoughts on some female reporters..Actually, I trusted they would respond with witty, honest answers and they all delivered as suspected.  Unfortunately, one responded with pretty much the same non-printable response on all, so I was left with 9 opinions. And these guys had many thoughts,   But I have to say, I was surprised and amused by what I read. Drum roll:

Erin Andrews-I was fully expecting a collective bucket of drool from survey respondents. Many oohed and ahhed, but some noted that while she was tall, blond and hot, they found her talentless and annoying. Maybe so, but I bet they would turn into a pile of putty around Erin. Erin is willowy, blond and has a sweet gig. However, whenever I see her I am reminded of that 911 call where she compares herself to Britney Spears. Crickets. I will stay quiet.

Suzi Kolber- The overwhelming majority said "She's cute and knows her stuff. I would love to hang out with her."  She is adorable isn't she? However, one respondent noted that Suzi was a bit happy with the hairspray and needed to ease up on the smile. She was too happy.  Really? Is gloom more attractive?  I thought men didn't notice these things?

The most polarizing individual was Rachel Nichols.  Several said she was hot, but one mentioned he thought she was on a "British dental plan"  while another said she was bland and needed to address the dark circles under her eyes. Brutal!  Another said her butt was just too much for them. I think Rachel is cute, and I certainly can't crucify the woman for having dark circles and a big butt. I have such dark circles that when I mentioned some new treatment for them, my 6 year old said, "it's going to take more than cream to fix those." When I turned to my 8 yr old for a 2nd opinion, he just looked at me and said ,"maybe the doctor could fix those Mommy." This is why I had a 3rd child. I will train this one to tell me what I want to hear. Maybe that is why I like Rachel? No matter how thin I am, the booty remains.  Rachel take a vacation and get some sleep. Me, my butt and dark circles would happily fill in for you! Maybe I can get Sir Mix-a-Lot to make a special guest appearance? xoxox

Michelle Beadle- I think I misspelled this again. She's on Sportsnation  with Colin Cowherd!  Love them both on the show. While Michelle was unanimously described as "cool and smart", Colin did not escape the wrath of these alleged non-observant men.  He was described as some words I won't print and a booger eater. I heart Colin. He cracks himself up and that makes me laugh.

I didn't ask about Holly Rowe, but from one female to another I want to share some advice. Holly, the spirit of Michael Jackson has called and wants his "Thriller" jacket back. What is up with those crazy red or black pleather jackets you wear on the sidelines? I know it's hot under the lights and sun, but blotting paper is our friend.  Trust me, I've been there.

What did I learn from this experiment? Exactly what I suspected. Men do notice that stuff, but they don't always discuss it or analyze it like women do. And for cathartic yet poor literary purposes, I just wrote about it.

*****Disclaimer*************As always, this is my crazy opinion and reflects nothing but my sleep deprived opinion. Yes, yes, yes. I am well aware that commas are in the wrong place, and I wouldn't wager a limb for grammatical accuracy.