Week 5 Picks

Aloha! Welcome to week 5 of college football . Before I make my picks which are based entirely on intuition, instinct, and what my decision maker machine says (thanks JCP!!) , I want to call caca on the keratin treatment. Allegedly, this was going to make hair care a breeze in lower humidity months. Phooey! I had smooth hair for exactly 36 hours. Thank goodness I did not indulge in the Brazilian version as those supposedly have high levels of formaldehyde. I need to keep those brain cells! My brain is frazzled so the humor is probably low in this post....

Nebraska at Wisconsin-Or the Cornhuskers versus the Badgers. Boring FB versus Really Boring Football. Nebraska was the first to start that mass exodus from the Big 12 (which is really now like the Big 2 and some crybabies who wanted to sue). Wisconsin is salivating at a Big 10 (actually 11, but who counts the teams anymore?) Championship now that they appear to be the creme de la creme this year. Badgers are rather stellar at Camp Randall, so I like the W in a boring game. 24-17

Michigan St vs Ohio State-Michigan State was humiliated by Notre Dame while Adam Sandler and company had a nice rebound against Colorado. If this coaching thing doesn't work out for OSU's coach, Luke Fickell, I see a starring role in "The Return of Happy Gilmore." Perhaps Rob Schneider will be coaching the special teams? I can't go with a team that was decimated by ND, so  I will take "Big Daddy" and the  Buckeyes at the Horseshoe.  17-13

Mississippi State vs UGA-Finally, the battle of the 2 cutest mascots in college football. I assume they engage in a bit of smack talk prior to the game, probably suggesting the other one get Botox or join Jenny Craig. Dan Mullen's team has had a rough year thus far, losing a heartbreaker (key up Pat Benatar) to Auburn. The real Bulldogs beat a horrible Ole Miss, uh,  team last week. Winner, winner turkey dinner! This will be a close game, but I feel confident with my pick.  Bulldogs baby!!! 28-21

Alabama at Florida- Nick Saban and the Tide travel to the Swamp to take on newbie coach and former Bulldog, Will Muschamp. Those Gator fans have a tendency to be obnoxious in their jean shorts, but they have been quietly winning (darn them!!!) I can't pull against a man who came out in a Dolphins tie and said he absolutely, unequivocally would not be the new coach at Alabama, only to wear an Alabama tie the next day. Maybe Lady Gaga wrote "Poker Face" about the Saban. Tide 21-20.

Finally, an ACC game for thought...Clemson at VT- I never believe the Clemson hype, but they have beaten Auburn and FSU. Is it time for me to drink the Tiger blood, er kool aid? Whenever they show Frank Beamer, I can't help but notice how long his teeth are and he can't close his mouth. Are long teeth genetic? And can you take yourself seriously with a name like Dabo? Or is it Dabeau? Is Dabeaux the Cajun version? Mais oui! If Clemson wins this week, I will give them some R-e-s-p-e-c-t, but don't start singing along with Aretha (or Urethra as I've heard before) just yet.  Instead of "Enter Sandman" I think VT should play "The Hokey Pokey" when they come out on the field. No Clemson love yet. The Spirit of Deangelo Hall & Mike Vick 28-20.

As some of you know, I am not a big televsion watcher, but I do LOVE a show on the BBC, "Luther." It's ultra clever and stars Idris Alba as Luther. The voice will keep you mesmerized!  It's a fantabulous show so check it out some time. That's my non paid PSA for the BBC America. Pro picks tomorrow!