There are 3 things you can say that make my day. 1) "You made me laugh so hard I cried". 2) "You won." and 3. "Posh who?? You are my dream woman!" For the record, number 3 has to be said by a specific person and the soccer ball is not a necessity. Number 1 is my favorite, but you have to get to know me.
This blog will be a hodgepodge of garbage of the week. For example, as I have stated before, I never had boobs until I had my last baby. I'm not a fan of them and I secretly hope they go back to their former size. Is there a boobie fairy? If so I am willing to leave them under my pillow for her to give to someone else. You know, pay it forward. She doesn't even have to leave me a dollar. However, since I am not one to give up, I thought I would try on one of my adorable dresses and hope that I can zip it up at the chest. Nope. Not happening. This dress was tight. So tight I felt a lung in my throat. If I attempted to wear said dress in public, it goes without saying that I would need a defibrillator in a few minutes. Not only could I not zip it over my chest but it got stuck around my chest. Thankfully my husband is a foot taller and he was able to stand on the couch to help me get the dress over my head, because I would have been ashamed to call 911 and say, "Hey. I'm in a giant hurry on my way to a meeting but I have a dress stuck around my chest and it is so tight I think I fractured a rib. It's cute and I am NOT cutting the dress. Can you send an ambulance and oxygen?" Rrrrright...I quickly changed into something less "structured" and raced out the door...However, that set the tone for the day.
Later that night I was folding laundry. This is one thing I wish the dog would do for me, but he is only interested in setting off the alarm and housework isn't his thing. I pulled out 47 socks. How many had a match? 20? 24? Try 5. I had that song "One is the Loneliest Number" going through my head. Where were the other 42? On a date? No, the other 42 actually listed themselves on match.com and eharmony because I have no idea where the ideal mates are. Who takes these socks? Is there a sock goblin? I can assure you it is male and is probably a distant relative of Big Foot. How do you address this issue? If they were similar I decided to stick them together anyway, so I ended with 5 real pairs, and 7 or 8 pairs of something vaguely similar, meaning a white sock with a red stripe is perfectly acceptable with a white sock with a pink stripe. Dependent upon the lighting in the room, it could work.
And today, I ran into the grocery store today to admittedly get a necessity to make margaritas. My 6 yr old daughter sees the front of a magazine and says, "Look. There's Amy Winehouse. She's already dead. I saw this on the news and I remember when she was a tiny seedling." Huh? At least she didn't give me an analysis of Charlie Sheen and the goddesses or Hef and Crystal. Interesting that she can't remember to pick up her toys, but was aware of pop culture. This must be genetic because I remember all the words to "Parents Just Don't Understand" but someone's name continues to escape me. It reminded me of the day when she asked if Michael Jackson was president after George Washington. Then I had to explain that his label was the "King of Pop" and he wasn't actually president. When I saw her face, I realized she wasn't really interested in what I had to say. I'm sure that won't be a first but I will show her who's bad!
Finally, I have to give props to peeps who read and tweet about my blog. You know who you are! I know, I know..I'm not the best at updating but it's been crazy. I love the feedback and in the words of the great LL Cool J, "I would lay down my jacket so you can walk over a puddle."
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