I will open this with a confession. I have called in sick to work once in my life. I have been to work with the chicken pox (until they sent me home), first signs of blood poisoning, the day after 4 wisdom teeth were removed, and was actually on a conference call while in labor with my oldest son. Now I didn't take a trip to Canada when I had the stomach flu, but I still worked. So when did I skip out on work? The one time I called in sick was many years ago right after college. I was playing Scattergories and drinking some very cheap wine. How cheap was it? It came in a box. I was certain someone had inserted a power drill in my temples. What does this all mean? I'm a golden retriever. I'm reliable.
Every once in a while I become mildly obsessed with something. Several years ago when Ed Norton was dating Courtney Love, I was positive he was going to launch her for me. I mean, hello, I was witty and intelligent. And I didn't wear eyeliner so I didn't have big smudges under my eyes. I would have been willing to go platinum blond for him. I sing some really solid Hole songs when I am in the shower. However, when Ed moved on to Salma, I knew it wasn't meant to be.
Then, there was the quest for the poncho in 2004. I was obsessed with getting the "right" poncho after I had my daughter. I'm all about the sale so I searched thrift shops, ebay, and stores, but alas no poncho. I was consumed by this freaking poncho. Would I finally buckle and pay some decent bucks for the much desired poncho? I finally found a "poncho maker to the stars" and I figured if it was good enough for SJP, then it was good for me. The poncho arrived but it wasn't quite what I needed. Finally, I found a lady living in a remote area of Canada who made ponchos. The woman was surrounded by emus and moose, so I felt she understood what I was looking for in a poncho. It was perfect, until I saw the one Martha Stewart allegedly made in prison. Was that where I had gone wrong? Should I have been sending letters to penitentiaries trolling for poncho makers? Somehow, this felt wrong so I moved on to the....
Knee boot of 2005. I envisioned this gorgeous (steeply discounted in price I might add) to the knee boot, but I am calf challenged, meaning they are freakishly ginormous. I even asked if there was calf reduction surgery. Not that I would have done it, but I felt like I was in the minority as I saw people blissfully zipping up their boots while I was investigating if they made industrial strength Spanx for calves. They didn't, but I did find 'stretchy" boots. Happiness at last. Well, until the next obsession...
The cape quest of 2009-2011. I want a cape. No, no like Batman, but a cape that should make me feel like I am horseback riding in the English Countryside after a cup of Earl Grey tea. I am flexible on the color, but black, brown or a subdued print is sufficient. But where is this freaking cape?? It isn't on ebay or at Goodwill..at least not when I looked. However, imagine my delight when a certain magazine arrived with a picture of said dream cape at a price I can love. Will this one be the cape? Will it make me feel like Kate on the way to the UK version of Whole Foods?( Except 6 inches shorter and minus the royal title.) Will they have it or is this one of those items that is perpetually out of stock? Please no! The cape has been an ongoing saga so time will tell...
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