You're So Vain, You Probably Think This Blog is About You

According to the good people at dictionary.com, vanity is defined as ,"excessive pride in one's appearance, qualities, abilities, achievements, conceit." Gag! I loathe vanity. I mean this is a woman who considers deodorant a beauty product. Don't get nervous! I use it, but I  like the crystal rock kind which always is a conversation starter.


Vanity is a terrible thing. Looks are subjective and temporary.  Situations can change one's abilities or qualities. I can deal with most of that, but if there is one thing I struggle with, it's that whole body image thing. UGH!!! I feel vain for even writing this. I guess there is a certain level of vanity necessary for self preservation. It's not like I would want to walk out of the house with throw up on my shirt or hand-prints on my butt, but I have done both. For example, I used to have this cute, flat tummy, but a strange thing happened after the birth of my last Lambchop. I guess 3 c-sections are a fatal blow to the tummy muscles. I dance, walk,  boot camp, eat right, yada, yada,  but the belly is just not happening. Perhaps this is punishment for having vanity in regards to my tummy earlier in life? Karma? Is that you? Can we call a truce and I will gladly have chubby eyelashes or toes? Please?


And boobs. People love that word. I'm not a particular fan of boobs. They look great on other people, but they aren't for me.  I can't imagine why anyone would want implants, but that is just me. I never had boobs until I had lambchop. I look in the mirror and keep wondering whose chest that is, but apparently it's mine. Holy caca! Did you know they have disposable bras? What??? I was completely shocked to hear this. How long has this been in existence? I guess when you are an A, you never had to consider a disposable C. Shirts I wore before having Lambchop now feel like a tourniquet wrapped around my chest. Is it possible for your lungs to be squished through a v-neck? I actually had on a shirt the other day that I am pretty sure dislocated one of my ribs.




Sigh...but I will keep on because I will not give up until everything fits the right way again......