Celebrity Pregnancies versus Regular People Pregnancies

Have you noticed the recent surge of Hollywood pregnancies? It seems that every day brings a new starlet announcing that she is "over the moon' with her news of an expanding belly. The difference is that celebrities aren't "regular" peeps. For example, let's say Sadie Celeb tells us post birth that she was back in her size 24 Joe's jeans a mere 6 weeks post delivery because she breastfed and the weight "fell off". She ate a box of Krispy Kremes every day and an entire pizza with extra pepperoni while pregnant, but miraculously, the weight just melted away after she started nursing little Zozo. To which I promptly say, horse caca! What Sadie neglected to say is that she has 3 nannies, a night nurse, a trainer, a chef,  a stylist, an acupuncturist, and  a personal assistant to hold her coffee mug  so she can prepare to  pose for Hot Mom magazine.

Which brings me to my first pregnancy. My little cupcake was due in April but I started retaining fluid quickly. By Halloween, I could have put a hula hoop around my tummy and made a great Saturn when greeting trick or treaters. By Thanksgiving,  when sitting between the cranberry sauce and stuffing, I was practically interchangeable with the butterball. And by December, Santa had nothing on me except a long white beard. People would see me and say "Christmas baby eh?" To which I would give a wan smile.  Why were strangers touching my belly? Did they think if they rubbed it and made a wish it would come true? By February the common comment was "God, you are HUGE!" Really? I hadn't noticed as I had to unwedge myself  from behind the steering wheel and my socks were cutting off my blood circulation. Thanks for pointing out the obvious. I also noticed many pregnancy shirts were purple. Why so? Is it so that you can look more like Grimace if you happen to run into Hamburglar? Oh and I craved crushed ice. Can crushed ice turn you into a beluga whale? Apparently so.

So the next time you see a pregnant lady, don't tell her she looks like a behemoth. And remember when you see Sally Celebutante strutting around in stilettos and skinny jeans, there is some help behind the scenes.  Until next time.....Peace.